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Terrorists
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handcannon
New Member
what more can I give?
Terrorism sucks.
Why can't we all just sit on a big couch and watch "Friends".
It all brings me back to the wise words of Monty Python:
Never poke fun at an Arab, an Israeli, Saudi or Jew...
Never make fun of an Irishman, no matter what you do.
Unless of course his name is Seamus and he's a broker.
I think we all know who the real enemy is in today's troubled Western world. The root of all evil, the marmite spreader of gutteral hatred, racial conflict and paleolithic sexist underpinnings.
I'm talking of course about Oprah. Yes Oprah, with her gain weight, lose weight, big ironed-out afro wearing, book club recommending pious shizit.
****ing bitch.
handcannon
Terrorism sucks.
Why can't we all just sit on a big couch and watch "Friends".
It all brings me back to the wise words of Monty Python:
Never poke fun at an Arab, an Israeli, Saudi or Jew...
Never make fun of an Irishman, no matter what you do.
Unless of course his name is Seamus and he's a broker.
I think we all know who the real enemy is in today's troubled Western world. The root of all evil, the marmite spreader of gutteral hatred, racial conflict and paleolithic sexist underpinnings.
I'm talking of course about Oprah. Yes Oprah, with her gain weight, lose weight, big ironed-out afro wearing, book club recommending pious shizit.
****ing bitch.
handcannon
Hang the DJ.....
Today's papers have mostly everyone in the so-called free world questioning the tactics, or lack there-of, of America's heroic armed retaliation on Bin Liner. Bombing civilians, Red Cross Aid buildings, Mosques, villages and, essentially, anything else their smart bombs can find their way to destroying is all well and good if that's what the masterminds behind this fraudulent war want to accomplish but what about the bottom line? Perhaps the Saint/Ronni/Buckfast collective can help with this niggling question that won't leave my already befuddled head; if the world's most wealthy nation can't sort out one man and his relatively tiny army in one of the world's poorest nations, why the fcuk should I believe Bin Liner is sweating like a Jew in a Bookie's at the thought of being number one on America's Most Wanted? Now the SAS are due to go behind enemy lines to try and rid the earth of the Bin Liner scourge because the top yank troops managed to spectacularly fail yet again when their lift dropped them off in the wrong place and they were quickly surrounded by Taliban troops. The yanks have proven, yet again, that despite all their bluff, bluster, and hand on heart bravado, they couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.
Today's papers have mostly everyone in the so-called free world questioning the tactics, or lack there-of, of America's heroic armed retaliation on Bin Liner. Bombing civilians, Red Cross Aid buildings, Mosques, villages and, essentially, anything else their smart bombs can find their way to destroying is all well and good if that's what the masterminds behind this fraudulent war want to accomplish but what about the bottom line? Perhaps the Saint/Ronni/Buckfast collective can help with this niggling question that won't leave my already befuddled head; if the world's most wealthy nation can't sort out one man and his relatively tiny army in one of the world's poorest nations, why the fcuk should I believe Bin Liner is sweating like a Jew in a Bookie's at the thought of being number one on America's Most Wanted? Now the SAS are due to go behind enemy lines to try and rid the earth of the Bin Liner scourge because the top yank troops managed to spectacularly fail yet again when their lift dropped them off in the wrong place and they were quickly surrounded by Taliban troops. The yanks have proven, yet again, that despite all their bluff, bluster, and hand on heart bravado, they couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.
Hands of Stone
New Member
Urban Myth
I heard a story today that I hope is just that, but if it is true it is very scary.
The short version:
An women in her early 20's living in Wash. State, has her boyfriend go missing.
He is from one of the countries of the Middle East.
She goes to his apartment and all his belongings are missing from his place.
Late August she recieves a letter from him, that tells her not to be on a Plane Sept.11, or in a Mall on Oct. 31.
After the attacks on the U.S. she gives the letter to the FBI, so they can investigate.
It is scary when you hear that there could be more attacks on the world by terrorists in the coming days, issued by the FBI.
This story could be just Urban Myth or one of many true stories that could be linked to the actual terrorists.
HOS
I heard a story today that I hope is just that, but if it is true it is very scary.
The short version:
An women in her early 20's living in Wash. State, has her boyfriend go missing.
He is from one of the countries of the Middle East.
She goes to his apartment and all his belongings are missing from his place.
Late August she recieves a letter from him, that tells her not to be on a Plane Sept.11, or in a Mall on Oct. 31.
After the attacks on the U.S. she gives the letter to the FBI, so they can investigate.
It is scary when you hear that there could be more attacks on the world by terrorists in the coming days, issued by the FBI.
This story could be just Urban Myth or one of many true stories that could be linked to the actual terrorists.
HOS
for the Captain
Subject: Terrorist Alert
The other day I was travelling in a bus down Buchanan Street when a man of Arabic appearance got off the bus. I noticed that he had left behind a sports bag so I grabbed it and ran after him. When I reached him I handed back his bag.
He was extremely grateful and suddenly reached inside the bag. I could see that it contained bank notes. He offered me a reward but I refused.
So he looked round, made sure nobody was listening and whispered, "If you will not let me repay your kindness with money but these words of advice I will give you....Stay away from Ibrox on Saturday".
I was terrified. "Why?", I asked. "Is there going to be an attack?"
"No" he said "there will be no attack, there will be no defence, the midfield will be awful and the pies are shite".
Subject: Terrorist Alert
The other day I was travelling in a bus down Buchanan Street when a man of Arabic appearance got off the bus. I noticed that he had left behind a sports bag so I grabbed it and ran after him. When I reached him I handed back his bag.
He was extremely grateful and suddenly reached inside the bag. I could see that it contained bank notes. He offered me a reward but I refused.
So he looked round, made sure nobody was listening and whispered, "If you will not let me repay your kindness with money but these words of advice I will give you....Stay away from Ibrox on Saturday".
I was terrified. "Why?", I asked. "Is there going to be an attack?"
"No" he said "there will be no attack, there will be no defence, the midfield will be awful and the pies are shite".
patriotism (For the Captain in particular)..........
As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife.
So, this Saturday at 2:00 PM all British women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any
neighbourhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in
front of their house to prove they are not Taliban, demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all Britsh women. And, since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.
The British Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist
activity.
God Save The Queen!
Can't argue with that can you, Captain?
As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife.
So, this Saturday at 2:00 PM all British women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any
neighbourhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in
front of their house to prove they are not Taliban, demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all Britsh women. And, since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.
The British Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist
activity.
God Save The Queen!
Can't argue with that can you, Captain?
I can argue with one part: the use of British women.
Can't the same result be achieved in, say, Sweden? How about Hawaii? Perhaps we can all just park outside Ballbaby's house and he can have his wife parade for us, outside, naked?
Can't the same result be achieved in, say, Sweden? How about Hawaii? Perhaps we can all just park outside Ballbaby's house and he can have his wife parade for us, outside, naked?
statement........
If You're Happy and You Know It (Because Someone Has Told You You Are)
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky, Bomb Iraq.
If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,Bomb Iraq.
It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it's all the proof I need to Bomb Iraq.
If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad), Bomb Iraq.
If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy, Bomb Iraq.
Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason, Bomb Iraq.
If You're Happy and You Know It (Because Someone Has Told You You Are)
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky, Bomb Iraq.
If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,Bomb Iraq.
It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it's all the proof I need to Bomb Iraq.
If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad), Bomb Iraq.
If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy, Bomb Iraq.
Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason, Bomb Iraq.
the manager
New Member
classic diddy fastshow....did you dream that one up, or was it cut and paste.....funny
scoop........
A mate of mine....... well, I call him a mate....... okay, he's more an acquaintance......... all right, I don't really know him at all.......... to be fair, I don't know where he got my number as I've never heard of the guy before............. Christ, I'm panicking now and as soon as I'm done this I'm ringing the flying squad........... drives a taxi and last night picked up one of President Blair's henchmen coming out of the ITN studios. Said henchman, I've been told, got on his mobile and started on about the fact that ITN had had an exclusive interview with our boy Saddam and that the following story was to break later on today (or this morning for you lot living in the past): Saddam is going to go into exile, war will be averted and, I'm speculating now, the yanks (or United Nations as they've been calling themselves recently) will ring up Disney to see if Mickey Mouse is available to become the figurehead of the new United State of Iraq.
Colon Powell is to announce this later today despite the fact ITN is a British news corporation, publicity-hungry media tart that he is. At least now Canadian and British troops should be safe from their number one enemy, 'friendly' fire.
Yet another TTP worldwide exclusive brought to you by your friends in the future........
Saddam in exile, earlier tomorrow.........
A mate of mine....... well, I call him a mate....... okay, he's more an acquaintance......... all right, I don't really know him at all.......... to be fair, I don't know where he got my number as I've never heard of the guy before............. Christ, I'm panicking now and as soon as I'm done this I'm ringing the flying squad........... drives a taxi and last night picked up one of President Blair's henchmen coming out of the ITN studios. Said henchman, I've been told, got on his mobile and started on about the fact that ITN had had an exclusive interview with our boy Saddam and that the following story was to break later on today (or this morning for you lot living in the past): Saddam is going to go into exile, war will be averted and, I'm speculating now, the yanks (or United Nations as they've been calling themselves recently) will ring up Disney to see if Mickey Mouse is available to become the figurehead of the new United State of Iraq.
Colon Powell is to announce this later today despite the fact ITN is a British news corporation, publicity-hungry media tart that he is. At least now Canadian and British troops should be safe from their number one enemy, 'friendly' fire.
Yet another TTP worldwide exclusive brought to you by your friends in the future........
Saddam in exile, earlier tomorrow.........
clag.......
That's right, Lupo, the world's gone mad as a result as well. Both groups are claiming responsibility for England not being able to beat the cnuting Socceroos. It's a fcuking conspiracy, matey.
NOTIFICATION OF COMPULSORY ENLISTMENT
Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act (1978),you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict.
You may shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join either the 3rd Battalion The Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and Mouth. The regulars are too busy driving Green Goddesses to be there themselves.
Due to the recent rundown of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us any of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were returned after the Falklands adventure, it will be necessary for you to make your own way to the combat zone.
H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way trips with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer (Ryan Air also do a nice little £9.99 trip). Because of cutbacks in Government expenditure in recent years it will be necessary for you to provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:
* Combat Jacket
* Trousers(preferably khaki - but please no denim)
* Tin helmet
* Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)
* Gas mask
* Map of the combat zone (the Ordinance Survey 1:2800 Outdoor
Leisure Map of Iraq will do)
* Rifle
* Ammunition (preferably to suit previous item)
* Suntan oil
If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a
tank (Vickers Defence of Banbury are currently offering all new
conscripts a 0% finance deal on all X registration Chieftains, but hurry, as offer is only available whilst stocks last). We would like to reassure you that in the unlikely event of anything going wrong, you will receive a free burial in the graveyard of your choice, and your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of £1.75 per calendar month, index-linked but subject to means testing, and fully repayable should our side eventually lose.
There may be little time for formal military training before your
departure and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch:
* The Guns of Navarrone
* Kelly's Heroes
* A Bridge to Far
* The Longest Day
* Apocalypse Now
* The Matrix
* Blazing Saddles
* The Desert Song
* Mary Poppins
We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.
To mentally prepare yourself for your mission try reading the works of Wilfred Owen or Rupert Brookes. This should give you some idea of what may be involved.
Yours faithfully,
G Hoon, Ministry of Defence.
A Bush - Blair Production
Sponsored by Mars, The Official snack of World War III
That's right, Lupo, the world's gone mad as a result as well. Both groups are claiming responsibility for England not being able to beat the cnuting Socceroos. It's a fcuking conspiracy, matey.
NOTIFICATION OF COMPULSORY ENLISTMENT
Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act (1978),you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict.
You may shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join either the 3rd Battalion The Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and Mouth. The regulars are too busy driving Green Goddesses to be there themselves.
Due to the recent rundown of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us any of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were returned after the Falklands adventure, it will be necessary for you to make your own way to the combat zone.
H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way trips with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer (Ryan Air also do a nice little £9.99 trip). Because of cutbacks in Government expenditure in recent years it will be necessary for you to provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:
* Combat Jacket
* Trousers(preferably khaki - but please no denim)
* Tin helmet
* Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)
* Gas mask
* Map of the combat zone (the Ordinance Survey 1:2800 Outdoor
Leisure Map of Iraq will do)
* Rifle
* Ammunition (preferably to suit previous item)
* Suntan oil
If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a
tank (Vickers Defence of Banbury are currently offering all new
conscripts a 0% finance deal on all X registration Chieftains, but hurry, as offer is only available whilst stocks last). We would like to reassure you that in the unlikely event of anything going wrong, you will receive a free burial in the graveyard of your choice, and your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of £1.75 per calendar month, index-linked but subject to means testing, and fully repayable should our side eventually lose.
There may be little time for formal military training before your
departure and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch:
* The Guns of Navarrone
* Kelly's Heroes
* A Bridge to Far
* The Longest Day
* Apocalypse Now
* The Matrix
* Blazing Saddles
* The Desert Song
* Mary Poppins
We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.
To mentally prepare yourself for your mission try reading the works of Wilfred Owen or Rupert Brookes. This should give you some idea of what may be involved.
Yours faithfully,
G Hoon, Ministry of Defence.
A Bush - Blair Production
Sponsored by Mars, The Official snack of World War III
spitting-image........
Jinky's right, it does look like her. I fcuking hated that tuque she used to wear. Shame you can't see her face. She was probably out on the pull.
Don't fancy the two shaven bangers much. Reason to go to war if ever there was one. Send them two. I'd go into exile if faced with that mess..........
Jinky's right, it does look like her. I fcuking hated that tuque she used to wear. Shame you can't see her face. She was probably out on the pull.
Don't fancy the two shaven bangers much. Reason to go to war if ever there was one. Send them two. I'd go into exile if faced with that mess..........
