International and Local Darts Championships

[knvb]

Trouble in the D.C.S.

Nothing personal? You voted me the most irritating in a poll full of tossers. Your right how could I ever have taken that personally?

I never intended to rank you at .5 it was just and example of what we should rank a player at that level....ahh scratch that. Sorry. I was only kicking around some ideas. You have to know I personally think beating you is worth a solid point.

I will still pick you up some shafts and I'll even throw in a set of Hot pink flights on me. See you tonight guys.

Waiting to hear from OD, Double In.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

A very strange evening........

Well, we had EVERYTHING tonight in the weekly D.C.S. meeting: 30 gram darts with pink flights, an appearance by Yoko Ono, Sean and Julian Lennon, a white top on Janina that was adjusted to make her nuggets look that much better, El Nino beating Hurricane and the Executioner, a fart that made Sidewinder's eyes water and it also caused an evacuation by Double In/El Nino, a false alarm by Double In(claiming he scored 140 and it was only 120), a potential drive-by shooting, and of course, another no-show by the Total Smelly Package. He is officially off the circuit until he beats the top 5 players. One Dart (?) beat his older brother Scud, which led to both players ignoring D.C.S etiquette; a customary handshake. It was forced but they did go through with it.........


The only thing that was missing(as far as I know) was one of the Arnold's going an evening without cheating. Sidewinder kept his foot on the ochre and still managed to damage the wooden floor with errant darts........

 

[knvb]

Hell has frozen over!

Plenty of laughs at the Buck tonight. Scud did some serious damage with the new shafts and hot pink flights I bought for him. He beat the Captain and almost finished me off for good measure, BUT didn't.

I got my #2 ass handed to me on Yoko's silver platter tonight. I lost to light drizzle 3 times. I haven't lost to him three times in D.C.S. history. He also beat the Executioner twice. A definite Ranking shift. Probably not enough to de-thrown the #1 only because Light Drizzle pulled a no show last week. That and Executioner still does the rankings

I beat everyone I had to and some I just plan wanted to. Scud took the full wrath of Double In's finishing and so did his brother The Power. Nice to meet you BTW. OG who never offered an apology for voting for me took a major thrashing just because I'm that guy.

The math skills were in full form tonight. I claimed scores I didn't get and I almost screwed Captain out of a win because of shoddy subtraction skills. I also had to fight El Nino's dodgy score keeping while playing the #1. As if it wasn't bad enough that I was down to the #1 I had a score keeper tell me I had 36 instead of 38. To those who don't know that's the difference of throwing at a D18 (top of the board) and a D19 (bottom of the board) I subsequently lost due to that.

Captain you stink. You really should eat something before you come out. There is no excuse for what you did in the middle of Sidewinders match with OG, but fcuk was the look on S/W face priceless. My sides still hurt.

 

[Home Brew]

Who Farted?

One of the most enjoyable evenings last night;and great to meet the Power[and even nicer to beat him].The big question is however,who farted?I had assumed it was El Nino but after reading the Daffy Dutchmans post perhaps it was the Executioner.Now on to Double In's misdeamours;fancy stooping so low as to bring your neighbours to the Buck to play pool and to distract the early arrivals!El Nino and myself were quite scared as we could not understand the heated conversation ,did not have our flack jackets on ,and did not know from where to expect the flying chairs or bullets.Hurricane also brought a large entourage!Like the old days of Cassius Clay! Sidewinder.{whose three wins included a first ever against the Hurricane and whose losses went beyond the number of pinkies on one hand]

 

[the power]

sweet dreams

After the pounding that Double In took at the Buc last night, and the beating his ego is taking on the Most Irritating TTPer's poll, its nice to know that he can still find comfort in bed...

 

[Home Brew]

quote of the week.

''I have a family.I have commitments"-----------------Who said this when invited to O;Hares tonight?-------------The Executioner!Unbelievable.Perhaps it was his way of saying sorry for that fart last night.S/W.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Another misinterpretation.....

Sidewinder,

''I have a family.I have commitments

Obviously, you have taken too many of your errant darts in your ears lately. I said nothing of the sort. What I really said was:


" I have a sore knee and I am eating Junior Mints."


I can understand how you made the mistake, I guess, because some of the words sound very similar.


Executioner..........

 

[el_nino]

Fcuk, what a happy group!

The arrows were flying thick (30 Ouncers, not grams - these things were huge) - withpink flights, and thin.

Her-I-Cane showed up so we have no reason to continue this attack.
Oh fcuk, I can't help myself:

(Bob Dylan - Hurricane).
This is the story of the Her-I-Cane,
The player D.C.S. had to shame,
To bring his arrows to the scene.
He's lost his testicles, but ..one..time..he could'a been
the champion of the Leeeeeeeague!

That feels better. On to the matches.

But first, a word from our sponser.
Molsons - who make it glamorous for Bin Ladens' cousins to play pool, and white collar trash to play video game golf in our dart room on D.C.S. Wednesday. You are disruptive and if any of you can read, please Fcuk Off. Play your games on Sundays you losers.

Back to the action.
El Nino has learned to get to the top players early. Beat the Her-I-Cane before he had overcome the trauma of leaving Yoko behind. Sad to see the Drizzler throwing with tears in his eyes, blinding his vision, but I'm developing the Double-In killer instinct.
Lost to Fcukhead Double-In.
Beat whipping boy Sidewinder.
Beat spirited Scud. Although spirited is a bit of a stretch.
Beat ****y Ex (get them early, as mentioned). He had just arrived and thought he would get in a warm up game before the serious competition. Played him on the well-lit board. Seems the Ex is finding it easier to win on the dark side.
At this point I had nothing to lose. With selective matchmaking, I could finish over .500 for the first time ever. Now 4 - 1.
At this point, One Dart and Powwwwwer show up and everyone is clamoring to meet (beat) them.
Sidewinder has a wet spot in his pants and avoids contact with all players ranked above him.
During this low-level play Her-I-Cane takes his revenge on El-Nino.
At this point, Yoko arrives with Sean, Julian and groupie. Her-I-Cane retires stating he is 10 and 3 (while everyone else has played 9 matches). He must have played Bin Ladens' cousins while we weren't looking.
Thereafter, El Nino is forced to take his beatings from Ex and Double-In, now that they are warmed up, and the Ex insisted on playing me on the dark board.
Now 4 - 4, the Sidewinder steps up to the plate again.
Now 5 - 4. Thank you.
Could have padded my results with games with Power and One Dart, but I'm a Man, Yes I Am, and I can't help but love Janina so.
No, no, no.
BTW- where do I vote for this KNVB is the most irritating thingie?

Overtipped again, but I am confident that this abundance of cash will win Janina's heart.

El Nino - the truth and nothing but the truth.

thebrothersscudaretoonicetoplayintheD.C.S.

 

[knvb]

The Power~ Your a twat.

El Nino~

but I'm developing the Double-In killer instinct.

Lost to Fcukhead Double-In.

Developing and having are two different things as you found out. That fact is I couldn't finish in a whore house, even with the amount of money your shelling out to Janina on Wednesday's. Thus why Yoko's bitch kicked my ass. I was wondering why my two beers cost $20.00.

I do want to know how The Power got a tour of my bedroom. The tour company said they charge $8.95 per. He couldn't have paid or he would have enough money to by his own damn arrows.

BTW, for any other D.C.S. members wishing to give their vote for KNVB do so
here. My main focus for practice this week will be to study the tape of Wednesday's matches, pick out all who voted for me and lay a beating on them that only their mom and a wooden spoon could do.

 

[Screw You Captain]

spoons

My main focus for practice this week will be to study the tape of Wednesday's matches, pick out all who voted for me and lay a beating on them that only their mom and a wooden spoon could do.

Speaking strictly for the scud trio, our mom preferred the belt. Good luck, though. I'm confident that putting One Dart's rolls between you and my own 154 pounds of raw power should be enough to keep my dart hand safe.

Junior mints my ass! Next thing you know he'll drink club soda at the Bistro...

 

[One Dart]

He couldn't have paid or he'd have enough money to buy his own arrows

KNOB must have the concept of money wrong. I think that your quote should read "If he paid he wouldn't have had enough money to buy his own arrows". I understand though how the concept of money could be confusing after watching El Nino fork over half his life savings in tips on wednesday in an obviously futile attempt to win over Janina's nuggets.

Hey Scud, with comments like that Doube In won't be the one you'll need protection from.

 

[knvb]

That's not what I meant at all. Maybe you should spend a little less time in Scuds class learning French and a little more time in Captain's grade 4 class learning something useful.

I meant if he had money to fork out on a tour of my shrine to the greatest "club" in the world He surely has enough dough to buy a set of the same $6.50 arrows Scud bought. If he did I would also buy him a set of HOT PINK flights to match his brothers.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to get to the bank before it closes. Wednesday is quickly approaching and I fancy having a pint while I play. I have the $4.25 for the beer, but I heard El Nino was collecting for the bill again so I'll need to take out a second motgage on my home to cover the tits... I mean tip.


If the brothers keep this up I'm going to tell their mom what they've been saying.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

A recent photo......

This photo was taken recently at the Buck. It shows Double In, El Nino, Sidewinder, and Scud wishing for the Executioner's D.C.S. Belt. Note the look of frustration in their eyes, as they struggle to crack a smile. The belt has belonged to the Executioner for about 8 consecutive weeks(4 since the official 'official' rankings started).

 

[One Dart]

Nice Pic

I suppose that it is something for all of us to strive for Captain. Good luck tomorrow in the promotion match. As for this evening, some VERY unsanctioned matches today at the Landing. Mix in some dry humping (I will be cowering in a corner for weeks) and a good old fashioned bar brawl and well you can guess how difficult it was for Scud and I, the Flower later, to concentrate on darts. This is without mentioning the questionable distance and height of the board. It makes the board in the Bistro look professional. Double In, keep reaching for that rainbow, anyone who admits to sleeping in a bed like that must play for the other team.

 

[knvb]

Play for what team?

Play for what team? Why were you dry humping Scud? No wonder he started a brawl. One Dart this is for International and D.C.S. banter not you and your brothers Milk Bar escapades.

Suddenly I realize why Scud liked the HOT PINK flights so much. I knew you guys shared arrows, but this is getting a bit much.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.? .

 

[One Dart]

The Dutch of Course

Any team (or country) that chooses to wear wooden shoes, ride bicycles everywhere and is full of Dikes is obviously okay with Double In. They may wear orange on their uniforms but what they don't show you is the tie dyed rainbow shirts they wear underneath. Don't let your over excited imagination get the best of you, I assure all DCS members, and Scud can vouch for this, that the dry humping occured without any provocation and the individual who committed the heinous act, not Scud, was most likely on drugs anyway. I understand that your ego is taking a beating with you currently winning (losing) the most irritating TTP'er poll but you must learn to keep your wild imagination under control.

 

[Screw You Captain]

one dart should be #1 with

excuses like the Executioner's. Double In, One Dart was the only one getting dry humped last night. The beer brawl was also a bit exagerated, but there was a nice pool cue cross-check to the face. I believe that came shortly after the band asked the more-than-voluptious birthday girl for a request, and One Dart yelled "Baby got Back!"

BTW I owned both the Scud brothers.

Oh, One Dart also lost to my girlfriend

 

[Home Brew]

the garage

Sidewinder decided to celebrate club I's' promotion by staying in Richmond to night.A good decision because he found the South board at the Garage pub to his liking.His record 4 and 0 with two wins against Bravedart and one each against El Nino and Th Total Package.Cricket doubles then took place.First game Sidewinder and Bravedart took out El Nino and the Total Package.Then the evenings highlight;El Nino looking for a new partner after the Package bailed;asked Bulldog?[our victotious goalkeeper]to audition;his throw missed the board by so much it almost went out of the door![He must have been on magic mushrooms]Tin dart Wootten stepped upto the plate and by some fortunate combinations of throws he and El NIno won the re-match.What happened to the other half of the D.C.S.at Bunkers? Sidewinder.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Nothing.......

Sidewinder,

Nothing happened at Bunkers. If there was a board there, I did not have the ability to see it. I would have been dangerous with a dart in my hand. Consequently, we did not play darts. I did sing the Fields of Athenry though.


Captain

 

[el_nino]

Brothers Scud - all this talk of liking the belt, dry-humping, and losing to your girlfriend has me confused.
Do you have some sort of sick, perverted, family sex club going on? If so, will your parents adopt me?
Ex - very clever use of trick photography. As all D.C.S. members know, this photo actually depicts us holding the Executioners huge ego in our hands.
Sidewinder - I don't think anyone cares about your unsanctioned matches but you.
Although, it is official. Bulldog has set the new record for furthest from the board. It should also be noted that while there are very few records in sport that cannot be broken, this is one of them. His arrow lodged itself right beside the door frame a full 2'9" from the edge of the board. Sidewinder neglected to say that Bulldog insisted on a rethrow which parked itself at least 2' away in the opposite direction. At this point we forced him to put down his remaining dart.
The kid is a good keeper but a lousy drinker.
Tin Dart Wootten did fill in handily as partner No. 2, but had to leave to drive other drunken Club Irish U-21's home.
Sidewinder also missed the late arrival of Her-I-Cane and Yoko. No darts were played, but there was a lot of dry-humping going on.
As it is now almost 10:00 PM, I doubt the Captain will be posting updated rankings. I fear the double-double (promotion and Pat's Day), will have done him in.

Until Wednesday then.