Quality U.K. telly....

Fastshow

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I dunno if you lot will get these programmes for ages, if ever, but it's well worth either ordering them over the internet or bothering the turtle-neck brigade at Videomatica on W. 4th until they capitulate and order them in just to shut you up. Have a shufty at this lot...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/ Without question one of the funniest programmes ever made; all the better by the lack of annoying yank-style laugh track.

http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/comedy/showcards/T/trigger_happy_tv.html I'd describe how good this show is but I can't be bothered. Look for yourself.

http://www.channel4.com/banzai/ The Captain would like Banzai as there's betting involved. Mad as a hat full of squirrels.

Thank Christ the Olympics are on in the middle of the night over here, I don't envy you lot with that shite on all night, everynight. Britain's greatest hope for a medal comes in the shape of a bird who can go really fast down a slippery hill on her mum's old tea tray. It's only good telly if she falls off, really.
 

Fastshow

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docushite....

Last night BBC2 had an hour with Ian Wright in his latest tellevisual offering to the gods of the talentless called Ian Wright - Surviving The Kalahari. The blurb on the bbc's website suggested the programme, '....sends Ian Wright to traverse the Kalahari Desert, one of the most inhospitable places on Earth. How will Ian cope?' An hour of Ian Wright hunting and gathering with a Namibian tribe of bushwackas. Probably sounded good in principle. Put simply, Wrighty was better in an England shirt than he is on the box. Seeing as he was always rubbish in an England shirt he should suffer the same restrictions that Bronco should have slapped on him with a computer's keyboard. Kept well away.

A far more interesting show would have been to have taken the same bushwackas Wrighty stayed with in the desert and transplanted their tatty, under-nourished loinclothed asses in South London.

That would have made fine viewing.

Not that you lot give a shite.
 

Fastshow

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that's right, Captain.....

I doubt if any of you will have seen the original series of Auf Wiedersehen Pet backin the 1980's apart from The Gaffa so you'll, wonder, as ever, what the fcuk it is I'm on about so move along, nothing to see here.....

Hawsey, the new series started on Sunday night with the premise of the lads (who aren't really lads anymore) getting 'the band' back together to move the transporter bridge in Teesside to Arizona. Even I couldn't have made that up. The original cast is all there including Timothy Spall, Jimmy Nail and Kevin Whateley with the exception of that one Cokcney fella who died of a drugs overdose in 1988. I'm taping the whole series to send Dunc so if you're interested I can license a viewing to you and all.
 

Guinness

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Fasty

I'm not sure of his name, but the lad on the left has played some good parts in the past... he always seems to play the dodgy con type...
speaking of 1980's what do you think about the comedy Bread and that motorcycle wannabe Boon??? They were my two favs growing up... By far the best Sports highlight show of all time had to be Saint and Grievsy... A classic!!!;) I can here the intro music now "Dun dun dun da nu nu nu da nu nu nu nu":D
(I'm not much of a singer)
 

Gaffa

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Home Sick, Man!

Away the Lads!

AWP...was one of the classics. Magic stuff. If you do tape it I'd love to get a copy. Along with Only Fools and Horses and Porridge, it was right up there. Oh yes... Open all Hours was class too.

Tim Spall, the brummy chap that Guiness was on about has gone on to be a very good actor imho. He's the key to AWP. Along with that moody git Jimmy Nail who has never been able to decide between his first love, music (wot he's crap at) and acting (wot he's not bad at) For those in Canada who would like to see a couple of the cast together get out the film...can't remember its name now. Fcuk. Sorry. Its the one about the band that get back together...Spall, Nail, Billy Connelly and others are in it. Not a bad rental. Someone please post the shagging name...

The Royal Family.
 

CDK

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I saw an ad about a British TV show called "Queer As Folk" on channel 39. Is this show what you Brits would call 'quality telly'?

I wouldn't know...
 

Jinky

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It's about Croatians hollidaying at Butlins and the crazy hi-jinks they get up to. Or was that, The Darling Croats Of May?
 

CDK

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Ahh youuu!

Almost had me there, Jinky. I went to the MSN search to find out the cast list...

Cast List
Aidan Gillen ... Stuart Alan Jones
Craig Kelly ... Vince Tyler
Charlie Hunnam ... Nathan Maloney
Denise Black ... Hazel Tyler
Carla Henry ... Donna Clark
Antony Cotton ... Alexander Perry
Andy Devine ... Bernard Thomas
Peter O'Brien ... Cameron Roberts
Esther Hall ... Romey Sullivan
Saira Todd ... Lisa Levene
Jason Merrells ... Phil Delaney
Caroline O'Neill ... Janice Maloney
Jonathon Natynczyk ... Dazz Collinson
Ben Maguire ... Christian Hobbs
Caroline Pegg ... Rosalie Cotter
Maria Doyle Kennedy ... Marie Jones Threepwood
Ger Ryan ... Margaret Jones
Ian McElhinney ... Clive Jones
John Brobbey ... Lance Amponah
Alison Burrows ... Sandra Docherty
Adam Zane ... Dane McAteer
Paul Copley ... Roy Maloney
Juley McCann ... Siobhan Potter
Sarah Jones ... Suzie Smith
Susan Cookson ... Marcie Finch
Andrew Lancel ... Harvey Black
Michael Culkin ... Martin Brooks
Jack Deam ... Gareth Critchly
Kate Fitzgerald ... Mrs. Delaney
Andrew Mawdsley ... Thomas Jones
Stuart Mawdsley ... Ben Jones
Lee Warburton ... Striking Man
Alan Halsall ... Midge
Alfie Robinson ... Baby Alfred
Nicholas Riley ... Schoolboy


No Croats. Just Brits and maybe a few Irish and a polock. There is also an American version of the show. Who came up with the idea first?
 

Fastshow

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Croat as Fcuk...

Gaffa, The film to which you refer is 'Still Crazy'. I went and saw that one with Buckfast and I'd like to leave the review of it to him. A far better Timothy Spall film would be Mike Leigh's Secrets and Lies. The bbq scene in that was, apparently, ad libbed. Brilliant acting.

I cannot believe you didn't enjoy the top choons in Jimmy Nail's Crocodile Shoes. Spender was a good one too.

I'm taping the new series back to back to send it over to Dunc so once he's had it converted for the dainty North American video specifications I'll have him lend it you.

CDK, I've watched Queer as Folk and don't care admitting it because it was a really good series and funny as fcuk. I have a feeling it would get at least half the posters on the Italian League thread's arses twitching like rabbit's noses, however, as it does contain an awful lot of scenes of fellas snogging. Still, I watched it with Jinky's favourite ex-Montana's nightclub waitress (sorry, server) and it got her nicely worked up for some good old fashioned and horribly untrendy heterosexual shagging.

The British came up with the programme first and, as they have done with so many other quality British programmes, the yanks got hold of it and, once they were finished, had managed to remove any quality and humour it had ever possessed. As they do. Their version was just all about poofs. And there's no need for that.

If it results in me getting my end away with a bird with huge funbags I'll watch anything. Even Friends.
 

Guinness

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Timothy Spall

I thought he was brilliant in Rockstar!!!
As for "still crazy" it was a cracker...;)

PS. CDK is a poof:rolleyes:
 

Gaffa

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Thats the one...

Still Crazy...a good rental at best that comes out smelling of roses when one considers the telly viewing we have to put up with in this , our 'home' and native land.

Jimmy Nail...I could never work out wether he was a jack of all trades and a master of none or a master of all trades and therefore jacking off alot.:rolleyes: Crocodile Shoes and Spender..you're right. Top choons indeed.

Colin, you also make mention of Secrets and Lies, a Mike Leigh Joint. Great film only bettered by his previous jaunt into the dark satanic, but side splitting escapade, Naked. David Thweliss should have got the Academy's Life Time Acheivement award for this movie alone. Brilliant.

CD, old chum, the English version of Queer as Folk is actually quite good. For those of us secure in our manhood its not a problem. With your reluctance to join us at the Milk Bar due to its gay nature and your apparent fear of gay tele I'm beginning to wonder if you, well, are somewhat insecure, if you get my drift. C'mon mate, confide in us. You're having trouble 'fighting the battle within' aren't you? ;)

Fasty, talking of Funbags, has anyone heard from she who shouldn't run for buses.

The Great Escape was on again the other day.

The Cooler King.
 

CDK

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Gaffa,

The only reason I didn't show up to the Milk Bar was because Davor was supposed come there with me. After scoring a hat-trick against Inter that day he was feeling that he was on fire and wanted to go somewhere he may find some top totty.

There was very little chance there would be any birds at the Milk Bar so the Roxy ended up being the destination that night. I believe I did apologize to my fellow TTPers for not showing up.

I also didn't make any comments about Queer as Folk. I was just asking if it was any good and pointed out that the cast was mainly British despite Jinky's attempts... You and Fastshow seem to be giving it excellent reviews despite the plot, what it seems like, being all about buggery. I don't have much time to watch TV anymore now that I'm trying to break KNVB's mini-golf record.
 

Gaffa

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Fair enough.

I've just come across the mini golf thread. An 8 and a 10 on the 17 and 18 killed me. 48 for the first attempt. OOOpps, wrong thread. Sorry, back to golf. Maybe Peter Alliss will be commentating.
 

tiner

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UK better

there are a long list of quality uk shows that the americans have attempted to do and failed big time.

absolutely fabulous is class. black books is class. parkinson is class. kumars at number 42 is class.......and etc etcetc
 

Fastshow

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spot on...

Black Books is excellent. What other t.v. show in history is set around a book club in which the main protagonist, two weeks ago, ended up shagging a cripple such was her need for sex? Very few, I'd say.

My favourite at the moment is Channel 4's Teachers. Teachers are universally considered boring, lifeless types and TTP's very own Captain Shamrock, TEE and Luch are all testament to that but this programme is so well done it makes me think there may be something to the honourable profession I missed somewhere along the line. CDK, if this ever comes on your beloved channel 39, watch it. Top shelf stuff.
Captain Shitpick's on the box

The biggest yank failing I've ever seen is when they tried to make Cracker a non-smoking (must be PC, you know) vegan (probably) living in Los Angeles. Que? Unsurprisingly, the character did not travel the Atlantic too successfully.

At least they got Three's Company right.

Gaffa, David Thewlis is a genius. Yes, he has a face that looks as if it got stuck to a radiator and melted a bit but what an actor. He's shagging a nice piece of fluff too though I can't think of her name at the moment. Good for him.
 

Jinky

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What other t.v. show in history is set around a book club in which the main protagonist, two weeks ago, ended up shagging a cripple such was her need for sex?
Ellen?
 

tiner

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ab fab

funniest one i heard was roseanne trying to get ab fab going.

she had to loose the sex references, the drug references and the excessive use of alcohol. HUH? then we would have winnie the bloody pooh.
 

Fastshow

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tre-men-dous..........

Has 'The Office' come across the Atlantic yet? Series two started last Monday and, while I've already said it's the best thing on the box, I'm repeating myself in saying that it's the best thing on the box. Watch it and thank me later.

Also keep an eye out for Peter Kay's 'Phoenix Nights'. Most of you won't get it. It's that good.


Phoenix Night's
 

Fastshow

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David Brent's Office Wisdom........

1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

6. Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.

7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.

8. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

10. It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.

11. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

12. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

13. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

14. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

15. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

16. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

17. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

18. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

19. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

20. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

21. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

22. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.

23. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

24. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.

25. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

26. If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

27. Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

28. The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!

29. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.

30. Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

31. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else’s?

32. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....

33. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!

34. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

35. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
 

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