Coach and Son on same Soccer team !!!!!!!

[Sir M]

I have had no real issues coaching JAGS and Dickens over the last few years, a few Roxy hiccups, but otherwise it has been pretty well fine.

Sir M

 

[Mal]

Many coach,s volunteer countless hrs to soccer but for some reason quite a few neglect their own sons development in soccer.There,s very few coach,s whose sons are talented soccer players, maybe it because coach,s tend to put more pressure/criticism on their own son and often that pressure is brought into the home.
The poor kids are probably under more pressure than other players .
Theres also resentment from other players and parents if a coach gives his own son more playing time than he deserves.
In the interest of these young kids a father should probably not coach their own child starting from u10 level.
What u guys reckon on a coach/son role in kids/youth soccer[/QUOTE]

 

[Mal]

Fun soccer is mostly upto u12 level playing 8 aside where players are involved in the game and get more touch,s of the ball. Playing 11 aside is a huge change which some players find hard to adapt to.
The more physical faster players find it easier.
Starting at u10 a coach should know if his " Lil Johhnie " is good enough to play select gold , silver , bronze or house.
The coach may be a top class coach but if " Lil Johhnie " is bronze he shouldn,t have to play silver or gold if dad is coach of the higher level team.
Lil Johhnie will not enjoy playing at the higher level and the other parents will say " Lil Johhnies in the team because dad is coach "

 

[trece verde]

Disclosure:

I was a qualified coach for many years before the Daemonspawn were ever thought of. At the age of 3, Daemonspawn #1 said "I want to be a soccer guy like daddy." He has one more year of youth ball left, and has already had a chance to play on the field with his old man, and yet still wants to. He has had one year of coaching without my involvement, and didn't like it. Daemonspawn #2 has also always had me involved in coaching his teams; he probably would not still be playing without that involvement.

I am involved in adult soccer as well, so I'm not only in this for my offspring. I am involved with them in the game that we all love because it affords us more time together than we would be able to spend otherwise. This keeps me involved in their lives when I have an occupation that forces me currently to work some really fcuked up long hours, especially when they are at an age when large numbers of their peers have long since stopped even acknowledging their parents' existence. The rides to and from games and practices are special times; there are lengthy discussions about game play and strategy as well as the individual strengths and weaknesses of each of us involved in a particular game.

Am I the world's greatest coach? Of course not, but at least my former and current players still talk to me. All of them (especially my current players) will say that I am a demanding coach to play for, and the Daemonspawn have complained more than once about Coach's impossibly high standards, but they still want me to coach them.

A number of you have had the opportunity to go a lot further in the game as players than I was able to. FFS, share that with your kids. Take what you do know about the game and use it to help your own kids be better players, whether in an official capacity, or even just as a parent volunteer who helps out at practices or games. When your kids ask you about what you did in a pressure situation in a game in front of lots of people watching, you'll be able to give them a meaningful and qualified answer. Don't lose any chance to make that kind of connection with them.

Trece

 

[bettermirror]

I'd love to hear these "impossibly high standards"! Maybe I have impossibly high standards too!

 

[trece verde]

I'd love to hear these "impossibly high standards"! Maybe I have impossibly high standards too!

Their term, not mine, but you probably do as well.

I believe the last time it was used in our house was by Daemonspawn #1 when I challenged him to be more creative with the ball instead of just thumping it with his first (or even second) touch after winning it in a challenge or by slide tackling someone; mostly because he is a strong defensive player who is still not completely comfortable with the ball at his size 13 feet. The griping lasted for about 2 minutes until he realized that I was right and that it would be more beneficial to his team-mates if he distributed these won balls.

 

[besty]

Disclosure:

I was a qualified coach for many years before the Daemonspawn were ever thought of. At the age of 3, Daemonspawn #1 said "I want to be a soccer guy like daddy." He has one more year of youth ball left, and has already had a chance to play on the field with his old man, and yet still wants to. He has had one year of coaching without my involvement, and didn't like it. Daemonspawn #2 has also always had me involved in coaching his teams; he probably would not still be playing without that involvement.

I am involved in adult soccer as well, so I'm not only in this for my offspring. I am involved with them in the game that we all love because it affords us more time together than we would be able to spend otherwise. This keeps me involved in their lives when I have an occupation that forces me currently to work some really fcuked up long hours, especially when they are at an age when large numbers of their peers have long since stopped even acknowledging their parents' existence. The rides to and from games and practices are special times; there are lengthy discussions about game play and strategy as well as the individual strengths and weaknesses of each of us involved in a particular game.

Am I the world's greatest coach? Of course not, but at least my former and current players still talk to me. All of them (especially my current players) will say that I am a demanding coach to play for, and the Daemonspawn have complained more than once about Coach's impossibly high standards, but they still want me to coach them.

A number of you have had the opportunity to go a lot further in the game as players than I was able to. FFS, share that with your kids. Take what you do know about the game and use it to help your own kids be better players, whether in an official capacity, or even just as a parent volunteer who helps out at practices or games. When your kids ask you about what you did in a pressure situation in a game in front of lots of people watching, you'll be able to give them a meaningful and qualified answer. Don't lose any chance to make that kind of connection with them.

Trece

Very well said. I can only hope that my three allow me to be a part of their development while allowing for that bond and special time you speak of.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Very well said. I can only hope that my three allow me to be a part of their development while allowing for that bond and special time you speak of.

Besty, please teach them to play football the way you did........no whine the way you did.........and still do.

 

[besty]

Besty, please teach them to play football the way you did........no whine the way you did.........and still do.

It is very difficult to change ones nature but my game has always been my game and verbalizing is what gets me going. I have tried and will continue to try and tone it down.

Aw crap. That was bull shite. I am what I am!

 

[Ballbaby]

I am one of those parent/coaches who actually cut my own son. The term I like to use is "placed in the appropriate environment". It was at the U-15 level of Metro/Select and I continued to coach the team until the end of U-18. Firstly, my son was and is an excellent player, By all accounts, he could have gone to any other Metro team but chose to play at the Gold level of our club. It was no slight on him, but the reality was that although he was capable of playing on our team, his playing time would have been diminished simply due to the depth of players we enjoyed on the team. He was aptly prepared and conditioned for the prospect and was given ample attention and information to address his deficiencies. He needed to play. He was always one of our best players, was always a last cut to provincial teams, but ultimately was being passed by some of his teammates. I have "placed" another player before and that player came back the following year with a vengeance, making our team, the provincial team and NTC team. He is currently at TWU. I was hoping my son would do the same. But you see, the players who really thrive MUST have a passion for the game. Although my son enjoyed still playing, I did not see the same dedication that his teammate displayed who experienced the 'placement" to the Gold team to work and get back to the Metro level. So, I did the right thing for my son. I did not keep him with me at the Metro level and therefore avoided the "discussions" or lectures, some quite heated, to prod him to compete at that level. It actually improved our relationship. I do believe that he sometimes thinks he let me down, but I remind him that I separate the "soccer player" from the human being, and he makes me proud in many aspects off the field. The nice thing is that his old teammates respect him and consider him a peer even while off the team, as they saw what he had contributed and the sacrifices he paid as the coach's son. It was my duty and obligation to remind his teammates, my players, that although I was holding him accountable and as the example, if they dared exploit that or did not respect that, look out.

It was a very positive experience and if you ask my son, he will tell you that he would like me to coach him again. Huge responsibility coaching your kid, ESPECIALLY if he/she is one of your best players, not just your worst. It needs to be handled with sensitivity and with great consideration. You do not want to RUIN a player just because he/she is your child.

 

[Mal]

I am one of those parent/coaches who actually cut my own son. The term I like to use is "placed in the appropriate environment". It was at the U-15 level of Metro/Select and I continued to coach the team until the end of U-18. Firstly, my son was and is an excellent player, By all accounts, he could have gone to any other Metro team but chose to play at the Gold level of our club. It was no slight on him, but the reality was that although he was capable of playing on our team, his playing time would have been diminished simply due to the depth of players we enjoyed on the team. He was aptly prepared and conditioned for the prospect and was given ample attention and information to address his deficiencies. He needed to play. He was always one of our best players, was always a last cut to provincial teams, but ultimately was being passed by some of his teammates. I have "placed" another player before and that player came back the following year with a vengeance, making our team, the provincial team and NTC team. He is currently at TWU. I was hoping my son would do the same. But you see, the players who really thrive MUST have a passion for the game. Although my son enjoyed still playing, I did not see the same dedication that his teammate displayed who experienced the 'placement" to the Gold team to work and get back to the Metro level. So, I did the right thing for my son. I did not keep him with me at the Metro level and therefore avoided the "discussions" or lectures, some quite heated, to prod him to compete at that level. It actually improved our relationship.

Ballbay , u were honest and straight with your son and placed him "at the appropriate level " .
Many coach,s are selfish and would not have the courage to make that decision. They would have selfishly kept their son in the higher level team thus depriving another player of their rightful spot in Metro.

 

[Mr Base]

Ballbaby come to Burnaby and help out. Few teams need you cutting to make sure that kids get treated with respect. Some kids play three minutes in gold just to say with their dad at that level. In my opinion dad is distroying his own child. There is no reason for that.
Kids grow at diferant times. That is mostley the reason kids get cut. They are small to play in select or gold level. Coaches can not use them or they endup playing one mam less. Wins become impossible.

 

[Dude]

Ballbay , u were honest and straight with your son and placed him "at the appropriate level " .
Many coach,s are selfish and would not have the courage to make that decision. They would have selfishly kept their son in the higher level team thus depriving another player of their rightful spot in Metro.

Not a fair comment to coaches, or their sons. You'd probably be the first one bitching if the coach's son was the best player on the squad and getting more time then yours- am I right?

Most coaches are far from selfish, and they only reasons we coach YOUR kids are two-fold:

#1: we may have sat on the sideline for a season watching you flounder, and stepped in to do it properly.

#2: it's our kids that are playing, and we want what is best for our kids. The rest of the kids benefit by extension.

How about none of us Dads who are either current or former players step in to coach at all, and let parents with no accumen at all run the show?

 

[RDM]

Dude is right.You either step up or shut up.I coach both my kids and it is no walk in the park for them.I am thankful they work hard and are not lazy like a lot of coaches kids.No freebies everyone has to work

 

[Mr Base]

RML good point some one has to coach the kids. Most so called coaches do not want any upgrade once they start coaching. Lots of fothers are good coaches. Only consern I have is for them not to be hard on kids. Some are over hard on thier kids.Few have kids that just are not willing to work hard.
Those coaches coach in silver one and try hard not to expose the wikness of their child. In the end it all comes out. As kids reach U18 and do not get good development, only two out of sixteen endup in senior men soccer.
Most guys loose it over childrens wins and loses. Make it fun for kids. Bring in coaches to change a practice a bit. Work on each player development. How cares who wins in U8 up to U115, U16 and up yes.
Most kids are burned out from playing tomany sports.

 

[Mal]

Many coach,s volunteer countless hrs to soccer but for some reason quite a few neglect their own sons development in soccer.There,s very few coach,s whose sons are talented soccer players, maybe it because coach,s tend to put more pressure/criticism on their own son and often that pressure is brought into the home.
The poor kids are probably under more pressure than other players .
Theres also resentment from other players and parents if a coach gives his own son more playing time than he deserves.
In the interest of these young kids a father should probably not coach their own child starting from u10 level.
What u guys reckon on a coach/son role in kids/youth soccer

Totally agree its all good to coach your own kids til about u10 but once the select levels start at u11/u12 etc its time for a serious rethink especially if your kid is house/bronze level and the dad is coaching a gold or metro team.

Either dad should coach his son at a lower team or not select him for the higher level as there will be resentment from other players and parents . A player should not play below his level or way above his level.

 

[bettermirror]

Spot on Mal! Some clubs get in a tough spot though as they put all their eggs on this coach taking on the Tier 1 team and then to find out that his son is a Tier 3 kid. Sure the club would be thrilled to have him coach a Tier 3 team, but then "who coaches the Tier 1 team?" and when the dad says "I am coaching where my kid is playing" the coach is likely told "just put your kid on the tier 1 team".....

It's a very unfortunate reality of pay-to-play and North American sports overall. Volunteers are needed even at the Tier 1 level.

Let me be clear - the dad volunteering to coach that happens to be good enough for tier 1 but his kid is a tier 3 player should be honest and up front and say "I am coaching where my kid is or not at all." Parent-coaches rarely a good idea - look at the resentment toward Bradley and Bradley in USA!

 

[Mal]

Totally agree its all good to coach your own kids til about u10 but once the select levels start at u11/u12 etc its time for a serious rethink especially if your kid is house/bronze level and the dad is coaching a gold or metro team.

Either dad should coach his son at a lower team or not select him for the higher level as there will be resentment from other players and parents . A player should not play below his level or way above his level.

The so called big clubs like Surrey Utd don,t have a shortage of coach,s yet even they have father /son conflicts . They might not admit it but speak to the disappointed parents whose kids have not been selected for their appropriate level while bronze/silver level players are playing way above their level on Metro and Gold rosters .

 

[Dude]

Bullshit. I can tell you w/ 100% certainty they have a shortage.

What are you suggesting? That there is a surplus of qualified coaches out there that are willing to coach other peoples kids, for free? You sir are living in a dreamland. I'll make this statement as clear as I possibly can for you: the lifeblood of Canadian Youth Soccer under the age of 18 is made of volunteers, the vast majority Dads who coach their kids and other peoples kids- without complaint, without protest.

This sounds like an awefully self serving post. Is your child one of these players left unselected by the Gold and / or Metro coach?

 

[nocents]

Every time I've seen a Surrey United gold/metro/SYL team play, they've looked pretty frick'n solid to me. The coaches must have their kids benched.