"Writing" that is too difficult to decipher in the Inglishe Langwidge Thread"

[Ballbaby]

It's rather sad that you actually have to tell people when you are.

Well said Captain Shamrock!

 

[uancs45]

your right it is sad, sad because you're unable to recognise it.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

your right it is sad

You're

BTW, isn't it past your bed time, Wanks45?

 

[uancs45]

still up and dancin'

 

[Reccos]

Bed Time

Captain:

You should know that incestuous fcuks like Anuacs Twat and his Canadian cousin don't sleep. If you had all those roaches in your bed like the 45 guy, you wouldn't be sleeping either.

 

[SC]

Jugs already hates me, and here's why...

I'm from the Valley, i just ran into a sheared brake line part way through the day....ecccck.....it somewhat decreased my stoppin power= no front brakes, rest of her is fine just no brakes...then again i coulda got real ballsie and run "sans" hayes the rest of the day.....that could hurt..... never hit the shlayer although there was lots of talk about it all day....i agree joy ride rips, I may be up there again on fri, hopefully no more mishaps.....meh

... +TheCloser

 

[Dude]

Dude

you should shut your hole because all that comes out of it is shite you don't have a clue what your talking about ALL THE TIME !!! Get your facts straight before you speak . We have our reasons for going down to Div 1 . Like I said before were rebuilding !!! So fcuk off !!!. Also the guys on the exec of the FVSL are doing a good job (Keep up the good work guys)

Girth

the VMSL exec are very disorganized just listen to the players from the league there always complaining they never no whats going on .

the Storm I found out are playing also in the cat division.We will find out our first league game after the long weekend.

Captain, two questions:

1. What reading/writing level would you peg this at? Is Razor on an equal intelligence level to a 4th grade ESL student?

2. Is it true that everything coming out of my hole is shite? What hole?

Confused and hurt,

Dude.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Dude,

Do not worry. Though this post is not as bad as some other on this thread, it certainly has faults. To use a strange analogy, the run-on sentences are as good as Serena Williams' nuggets. Tre-men-dous. As for the hole quote, I personally would only try to shut my hole after a night of eating tacos and beans, and consuming copious amounts of draft beer. That is a difficult chore. So keep your hole flapping and try not to offend any of the uglyfootballers. To quote my good friend, Fasty....... Carry on.

Captain

 

[Dude]

As for the hole quote, I personally would only try to shut my hole after a night of eating tacos and beans, and consuming copious amounts of draft beer.

Thanks Captain! I'll take this under advisement, for sure.

Flapping hole,

Dude.

 

[Dude]

Take a run at this...

This was by Soccer Player 69:

you know what??...there is a player on the KFC team coached by Sardarji Resham Singh...Resham is probably the ugliets GIANI i have ever seen...but anyways....i was talkin about Deeep Toor..who is the probably one of the fastest players in the punjabi league next to Kokanee of course ....a couple of years ago i dunno wat he was tryin to prove when he punched out the ref...u think ur hardcore or somethin.....u look like a werewolf man...U ARE SOOOOOOOOO FUKEN UGLY

 

[One Dart]

I was just waiting for someone to post that. I'm sure the birthday boy will have fun with it.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Wow....

Stupid piss take about Elephants and peanuts and Saris you dummy..... " Ganesh " , you must realise the warrior clan of Indians on Khalsa do not believe in Hinduism. Well how do fit in anywhere you fcuck wad, what your a aryan......do you know who the real aryans are ? Your a pathetic joke and if the Indians don't get ya we'll definitely send a pasta eating, pizza making , wife beatin , WAP mafioso to hunt you down, you fcuking donut !!!!!!!!!!

One Dart, as your mentor, I would like you to sink your teeth into this. Thanks.


Captain

 

[Reccos]

Sink his teet into this

Captain:

I realize that you were probably in a hurry when you asked your protege to 'sink your teeth into this'. However, could you clarify if you want him to sink them into the elephant, and if this is the case, is this a male or a female that you want him to engage with?

 

[Jinky]

Captain,

See what you can do with this debut effort,

I DECIDED TO ANSWER YOUR MESSAGE ON ONE DART'S PRACTICUM POSTING BECAUSE I SAW HIM THEIR WITH YOU. WHAT CAN I SAY. WE TOOK TWO SERVES OFF THE FACE TODAY. I'M SURE IF LOSING EVERY GAME HURTS TO A LESSER COACH SUCKS OR IF LOSING TO THE BEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE, THE ONE I COACHED LAST YEAR, SUCKS. EITHER WAY IT SUCKS. BUT HEY, YOU CAN'T HAVE A STAR TEAM EVERY YEAR AND THE GIRLS ARE HAVING FUN WHICH WAS MY GOAL FROM THE START. I OF COURSE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO FORGET ABOUT WINNING. YES WE WERE SWEPT ALTHOUGH WE PLAYED THEM VERY TIGHT ONLY LOSING EACH GAME BY LESS THAN FIVE POINTS. THIS SHOWED TREMEDOUS IMPROVEMENT OVER THE FIRST TIME WE PLAYED THEM. ON THE POSITIVE SIDE, YA KNOW CAUSE I'M A POSITIVE GUY, WE PROBABLY WON'T BE MAKING THE PLAYOFFS SO NEXT THURSDAY WILL BE MY LAST GAME. THEN YOU CAN HAVE THE SOCCER PLAYERS AND SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH THEM.

ON A SIDE NOTE, I'M SURE ONE DART TAKES AT LEAST 25 SECONDS WITH HIS HAIR AND I HAVE SEEN AT LEAST THREE SHIRTS (ACTUALLY IT WAS ONLY TWO HE WORE ONE TWICE IN A ROW EXCEPT IT HAD A BIG STAIN ON IT THE SECOND DAY SO IT LOOKED A LITTLE DIFFERENT). ALSO I HAVE TO AGREE THAT TO WERE TRACK PANTS WOULD NOT BE A STRETCH FOR A PE TEACHER. ALTHOUGH I FULLY AGREE WITH THE NO STRIP RULES. I WAS A NAZI AS WELL THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS AND IF KIDS GAVE ME THE "MRS. BLAH BLAH LETS IT GO" I TOLD THEM TO DO ME A FAVOR AND JOIN THAT CLASS OTHERWISE DEAL WITH MY RULES. IT JUST MAKES YOUR LIFE THAT MUCH HARDER. I ALSO HAVE SOME ****ING BRUTAL NO STRIP ASSIGNMENTS SOMEWHERE IF YOUR WANT TO PASS THEM OUT TO YOUR CRONICS.. I FOUND THEM AFFECTIVE.

THAT ENOUGH WRITING FOR NOW

PS - I'M IMPRESSED WITH OD'S ABILITY TO PICK OUT DICKS AS WELL BUT AS THEY WAY, IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE AND HE IS WHAT HE EATS>>>>>>

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Basically, a few problems with homonyms, and possibly a little bit of anger coming out in the post. Willis needs to know that we were in supporting him, not laughing at his team. Once he understands this, the mistakes will consequently stop.


Captain

 

[the power]

Perkins

just because your not doesnt I wont

Okay, I realize he's only in high school, but it looks like he's taken a page from KNVB's Big Book of Grammar Errors.

 

[knvb]

Dick

Mine are typo's! All of them.

 

[Screw You Captain]

typos

 

[Sliver]

10 Useful Hints for Everyday Grammar

Here are some rules that the Captain can pass on to his pupils.

10 useful hints for everyday grammar

1
It's vs. Its: This one is simple, even though it represents an exception to the rules of possessive apostrophe (see next tip)."It's" means "it is" (as in, "It is cold," "It is time to clean the bong," or "It is not that I don't like you, I'm just not attracted to you"), and sometimes "it has" (as in, "It has come to this," or "It has been a long time since I read an article by such a snob"). Meanwhile, "its" means "belonging to it"--as in, "The bear wiped its ass on the rabbit," or "This article is certainly taking its time to come to the point."



2
Apostrophes: I don't have time to get into the whole world of apostrophes.The important thing to remember is this: Apostrophes NEVER make a word plural, they usually make it possessive (i.e., "Fred's" = belonging to Fred; "Freds" = a roomful of dudes named Fred). All you need to do to make something plural (generally) is add an "s" to the end. I wouldn't mention this at all, but I have seen approximately 4.7 billion signs that add unnecessary apostrophes to advertise "apple's," or "auto's" or "egg's," and it always makes me want to kill someone.



3
I'm well vs. I'm good: Tricky territory, because of the nature of the verb "to be."There's nothing technically wrong with answering, "I'm well," when asked "How are you?" since "well" in this context is an adjective that generally means "not sick." It's just that "well" is also an adverb that modifies "am," and not "I" (which sort of makes the question "how do you am?"--which in turn makes no goddamn sense). The adjective "good" does describe "I," which seems much more to the point of the question. But "good" can feel wrong to folks with painful memories of being corrected by their grandmothers (see also: Me and I). May I suggest "I am fine"? There's no absolute here, but it's probably better to save "well" for when someone asks you how you are doing.



4
Literally: I once saw Bill Clinton give a speech to the Democratic Leadership Council.It was 1998, in the heat of the Lewinsky scandal, and I couldn't make up my mind about what the President deserved. Then I heard him say, "The changes implemented by the DLC are literally sweeping the globe." I jumped to my feet and yelled at the television, "Wrong on two counts. Impeach the bastard!" The changes weren't actually sweeping the globe, and even if it were technically possible for "changes" to lift a broom, there's no such thing as "literally sweeping the globe." Literally is a perfect word in this sense, because it is self-defining. Don't **** with it.



5
Me and I: More and more people seem to be abusing the "I" lately, probably as another result of repeated correction during childhood."That's between my girlfriend and I" sounds correct to certain ears, but those ears are clogged with foolish misconceptions. "That's between my girlfriend and me" is correct. The rules here are clunky and hard to remember, so here's a simple trick: Before you speak, remove the other party from the sentence. Would you say "that's between I"? Not unless you were from Jamaica. It works the other way around as well: "My dad and me went to the Promise Keepers convention and testified to the glory of the lord." Would you say "Me went to the Promise Keepers convention"? Not unless you were stupid. Then again, even if you said, "I went to the Promise Keepers," chances are you're stupid anyway. Stupid Promise Keepers.


6
You're vs. Your: "You're" means "you are," as in "You are sexy," "You are a liar," or "You are probably going to hate me, but I just cheated on you (again)." "Your" means "belonging to you," as in "Your friend is really cute," "Your diary was hilarious," or "Keep your laws off of my body."There is no wiggle room here. If you write "Your welcome," you're wrong.



7
They're, There, Their: A lot of people still can't get this right, which is, you know, sad."They're" means "they are," as in "They are old enough to be expected to know how to spell." "There" means "there," like "Over there," "There, there," "There you go," "There's no reason for not knowing how to tell one there from another," and so on. "Their" means "belonging to them," as in "Their grammar is an embarrassment," or "Their teachers have failed them."



8
Who and Whom: This is a killer, but there is a shorthand way to remember which one goes where.The code: "who = he/she" and "whom = him/her." That is to say that the answer to the question provides the telltale clue. So, with "Who is that?" "He" is that. "With whom did you get high?" I got high with her. It can be a bit of a hassle sometimes (not to mention the stodginess factor), but you never know whom you'll have to impress.



9
Split Infinitives: Contrary to what you may have been told, the splitting of infinitives with adverbs (as in "to boldly go") is not only acceptable--unless you're translating Latin--but often preferable.That doesn't mean you should always do it--"to boldly go" was a poor example; it should be "to go boldly" (or baldly, since it was William Shatner)--but usually, it's all right. And sometimes it's more right.



10
Prepositions at the End of a Sentence: Technically, you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, but generally, the only people who really care about this rule are too uptight to recognize that "What did you come up with?" is always better than "Up with what did you come?"Generally speaking, it varies from case to case. There is, however, one inviolable law: NEVER NEVER NEVER ask someone where something is at.

 

[Hands of Stone]

Great Post Sliver

But now that me has read that, the Captian is going to be on I, even more about my improper use of grammar's.
But I will try to put all to use.

HOS