unofficial "Wanker of the year is...."

SC

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"K-NOB."

If you want to give me more attention, then fine.:D more attention. This might be another useless thread, but I have just caught you reading it, and oh, replying to it too!

K-Nob, please refer to my latest book review as I have suggested a few things for you! :D Please read carefully, and I will pass the book along with my knuckle sandwich. BTW, the last male I 'took-out' with one punch was a hell of a lot bigger than Kurgan, and that is one large dude!;) - my nickname is "Ali's Daughter"

I don't have time to break your already stressed fractured kindling looking legs, because now I am dealing with some anger management issues...1....2...3.....4...5...6.....6...7.....and so on
(I am now in YOUR happy place):D

By the way K-NOB, this isn't a popularity contest, so you aren't going to get points because you have nominated me.:rolleyes: And oh, all of you that comment on EVERY thread should get some votes too... At least I stay out of the ones I don't know to much about, like your silly Surrey vs Surrey vs the Valley or whatever, isn't Surrey still tainted?:confused:

So congrats, take it and bow out. I will not win Wanker of the Year, but a month or two is okay with me!:D

~SChadtocreateherOWNthreadtodealwithK-nob'slackofintelligance
 

animal

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Guy makes me laugh

I have to cast may defence for knob he may piss people off but he does actually make me laugh unlike some unoriginal bastards on this forum. I would never have brought this up but you posted it first SC. The amount of times I don't have a lot of time and just want to check in the the latest banter, and I have had to endure your countless posts about nothing. I think it is awsome you are on here and have fun but between you and the wops I have lost some precious time I can never get back.

Animal

myvotehastogotocrapperpants.

P.s. Anybody up for going out for a ttp piss uop tomorrow?
 

SC

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K-Nob's PMs kill me

But, it still isn't a popularity pool...

Animal, watch yourself. I may be on a lot, but why do you keep reading the posts then?-save time and click on who you think is important and read their posts...(addiction anyone?)

The only way to gain some r.e.s.p.e.c.t. around here is to , yes, buy your fellow/fellowette TTPers some cool frosty ones...Name the place. But, like some of the TTPers, I may not show, or will I?

+SConlysupportsRegsiofficialTTPfunctions;) name the place still
 

Regs

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This should definitely be up for the wanker of the year 2004 award (though it will be tough to knock off the perennial champ K-NOB):

Woman sues over Janet Jackson's breast


CHICAGO (Reuters) - A Tennessee woman has sued Janet Jackson and others involved in her breast-baring Super Bowl halftime show, saying millions of people are owed monetary damages for exposure to lewd conduct, court records show.



The suit, filed earlier this week in federal court in Knoxville, Tennessee, also names pop star Justin Timberlake, who performed with Jackson, CBS Broadcasting, show producer MTV, and the parent of those two companies, Viacom.



CBS and Viacom said they had no comment on the filing.



The action seeks a court order to prevent anything like last Sunday's stunt from being repeated on U.S. network television prior to 10 p.m. local time when children might be watching.



It also asks the court to declare the matter a class action for purposes of damages. No dollar figure is mentioned in the suit, but it estimates that over 80 million U.S. viewers might be due compensation. CBS has said the game drew an average viewership of just under 89.6 million people. Advertising during the game sold for more than $2 million (1.1 million pounds) a spot.



The suit states that the ultimate compensatory damage figure, should a jury decide to grant damages, should be no higher than what the parties being sued made out of participating in and airing the Super Bowl and its halftime show.



If additional punitive damages are granted, it adds, they should be no higher than the "gross annual revenues of each defendant for the last three years..."



Those figures would probably run into the billions of dollars, according to the Smoking Gun, a Web site that first published the court papers.



During the halftime show Timberlake tore off half of Jackson's black leather bustier, exposing her right breast, while the two were singing a duet.



Jackson took the blame but said "it was not my intention that it go as far as it did."



CBS has already said it would use an "enhanced delay" on its February 8 broadcast of music's Grammy Awards so it can censor both audio and video as needed, and ABC also said it will use a delay on its February 29 broadcast of the Academy Awards (news - web sites).



The suit says the defendants knew the broadcast would be watched by millions of families with children but they "included in the halftime show sexually explicit acts solely designed to garner publicity and ultimately to increase profits for themselves. The suit mentions the breast exposure but also says the show in general contained "other lewd and sexually explicit conduct."



The law firm handling the suit issued a statement on Friday saying that neither the woman who filed it, Terri Carlin, nor her attorney, Wayne Ritchie, would comment. "The issue here is accountability and not more publicity," it said.



How fcuking stupid can people be? :rolleyes:

~Regs.
 

knvb

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K-nob

Don't you mean how fcuking American can people be?



I can't believe that was over two years ago.To think of the amount of time I've spent on TTP making lives bright again....Scarry.
 

Regs

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Re: K-nob

knvb said:
Don't you mean how fcuking American can people be?



I can't believe that was over two years ago.To think of the amount of time I've spent on TTP making lives bright again....Scarry.
Yes, we've all been scarred. That's pretty scary.

~Regs.
 

Hands of Stone

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Here are some other classics, not sure if it has been posted or not.

The 2003 Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company suspecting negligence, sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?)

7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and
carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A **** UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent.
Then the sniggers started. The security guard completely lost it and
doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been
about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief
got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the
event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the
words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"

8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made
of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

hos
 

Hands of Stone

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Regs said:
This should definitely be up for the wanker of the year 2004 award (though it will be tough to knock off the perennial champ K-NOB):

How fcuking stupid can people be? :rolleyes:

~Regs.
Regs, this lady just might get some money, look at some of these other settlements.

It’s once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella awards.

>The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
>coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired
>the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the
>United States.

>5th place (Tied)

>Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her
>peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
>inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably
>surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was
>Ms.Robertson's Son.

>5th place (Tied)

>19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses
>when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman
>apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when
>he was trying to steal the hubcaps.

>5th place (Tied)

>Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just
>finished robbing by way of the garage door. He was not able to get the
>garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
>He could not reenter the house because the door connecting the house and
>garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation and
>Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted
>on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued
>the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental
>anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

>4th Place

>Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical
>expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
>Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The
>award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been
>a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the
>fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

>3rd place

>A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster
>Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
>coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.Carson had
>thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

>2nd Place

>Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a nightclub in a
>neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and
>knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms.Walton was
>trying to crawl in through the window of the Ladies Room to avoid paying
>the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

>1st Place

>This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,
>Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a new Winnebago motorhome. On his
>trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, he
>set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go
>into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the
>RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued
>Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he could not
>actually do this.

>The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor Home. The
>company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in
>case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation
>vehicles.
 

Fastshow

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Anyone, and I mean anyone who buys bottled water is a wanker. I'm not talking about Brita filters (for once), as those aren't that dear but bottled water simply has to be the biggest con of the 21st century. I know in the UK people who have travelled to Continental Europe (third world countries, the lot of 'em) where bottled water is necessary, come back here and order it in restaurants as it makes them feel posh and sophisticated. Get it out the tap ya cnuts.


Here's proof:




Real thing or rip-off?

By Valentine Low, Evening Standard

2 March 2004

Mineral water bosses today called for an investigation into Coca-Cola's plans to sell filtered tap water for 95p a bottle.

The Natural Mineral Waters Association accused the soft drink giant of "pulling the wool over the public's eyes" by claiming its new bottled water is "pure water" when in fact it is purified mains water from Sidcup.

In a scheme which mirrored the famous episode of Only Fools and Horses in which Del Boy Trotter tried selling tap water as "Peckham Spring", Coca-Cola admitted yesterday that the source for its new designer water, Dasani, is in reality the mains supply to its Kent factory.

The water, which Coca-Cola sells at about 95p for 500ml, is purified and filtered before having trace minerals added to make it taste better.

The Natural Mineral Waters Association said consumers could be misled into thinking Dasani was a natural product.

It has written to the Food Standards Agency demanding an investigation and calling for Coca-Cola to drop its claim that Dasani is "pure still water".

Association chairman Ian Hall said: "We don't think the public should have the wool pulled over their eyes. The label describes this as 'pure water', when in fact we are talking about tap water."

The National Consumer Council said: "We all laughed at the idea when Del Boy bottled Peckham Spring. We did not believe it could happen in real life, yet Coca-Cola seems to think it is perfectly acceptable.

"You can buy filters for tap water if you think that's necessary. However, the reality is that tap water is of very high purity.

"People will think twice about paying as much as 95p for a bottle of water that they have actually already paid for through their household bills."

Coca-Cola is investing £ 7million in the UK launch of Dasani as part of a worldwide expansion of the brand, which is already the second-biggest selling bottled water in the US. The French version of Dasani will be made from a natural mineral water source in Belgium rather than tap water.

Coca-Cola said the water goes through a "highly sophisticated purification process" which meant the product was "as pure as bottled water gets".

The water first goes through three separate filters which remove "particles and organic debris" as well as chlorine.

The next stage, called reverse osmosis, forces the water through a fine membrane, removing "bacteria, viruses, salts, minerals, sugars, proteins and toxin particles". Calcium, magnesium and sodium bicarbonate are then added for taste, according to Coca-Cola.

Barrie Clarke, spokesman for Water UK, which represents suppliers, said the suggestion behind the process seemed to be that tap water was impure.

"We don't think there are any impurities in tap water," he said. "People don't need to buy this stuff to get excellent quality, healthy water.

"If they like the bottle, the convenience, the style, then fine, but I don't think that is the way they are marketing this product."

Thames Water said its tap water passed 99.92 per cent of tests. "If the water regulator thought any more treatment was needed they would ask us to do so," said spokesman Chris Shipway.

Judith Snyder, brand PR manager for Dasani, confirmed they used "municipal" supplies.

"The source of the water is irrelevant - it doesn't affect the end result," she said.
 

SC

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I'd still drink water from the hills of Nepal over the bottled stuff. Just boil it, add some crystals and you'll be fine :)

And the educational institutions are suffering, no free water from the water fountains... :mad:
 

Fastshow

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Don't get sick in the UK....... the doctors are too mean to buy their own croutons. And quite why anyone would want extra hospital food is revealing in itself.........


Surgeon suspended for 'taking bowl of soup'
By Hugh Dougherty, Evening Standard

22 March 2004

A brain surgeon has been suspended from his hospital in a dispute over whether he tried to "steal" an extra helping of soup. Terence Hope was sent home after it was claimed he took the soup from his hospital's staff canteen without paying. The consultant neurosurgeon, who is one of Britain's most respected specialists in his field, claimed he was getting extra croutons.

Colleagues at Queen's Medical Centre in Nottingham were said to be furious at the move by management, which they said would hurt patients.

Mr Hope, 57, was ordered to keep quiet about his suspension by hospital bosses, who have ordered an investigation into the soup-stealing claims. There was no suggestion Mr Hope, who specialises in vascular neurosurgery, was abusive to the canteen staff.

One colleague at the hospital's neurosurgical-ward, which takes patients from across the East Midlands, said: "It's absolutely crazy. It is only patients who will suffer."

A senior neurosurgeon and colleague of £80,000-a-year Mr Hope said: " Terence Hope has an international reputation for excellence and is a leading light in his field.

"There are not a lot of brain surgeons in Britain. To pull someone out of the service is a very serious matter, both for the individual patients and the person who is dealt with.

"To pull a neurosurgeon for anything, unless he is technically dangerous, must hazard the whole service."

Hospital bosses admitted the surgeon's performance was not in question and said: "The matter will now be discussed as soon as possible."
 

Fastshow

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Had a few hours to kill between my apprenticeship daycare tutelage and my BC young-liberals meeting so I thought I'd set some things alight. I'd be interested in hearing more from other who have done the same, but in the meantime, my review:

Quote:



The London arson critic, Guy Fawkes, wrote that "Setting Things Alight" isn't "a passtime that anyone would call 'commercial,' and if it grosses (and kills) millions, that will not be because anyone was entertained." And he was exactly right. I can't say I was "entertained" in the conventional sense of the word, and to be honest I didn't expect to be. In fact, feelings of slight nervousness came over me as I was choosing to douse a garage in petrol. I had heard long since it was released that it may be the most violent fire ever started. And in a sense, it was.

This is certainly not a fire for the faint of heart; but on the other hand (or another part of one's anatomy), it is the most powerful movie for anyone with a heart, faint, leaky, foolish, sloppy or otherwise. The firestarter, Mel Tormé, grabs you and squeezes every droplet of intensity you have within you, and when he's finished being hopelessly melodramatic and using crap and naff expressions, he leaves you little more than a speechless automaton (whatever one of them is) as you leave the scene of the crime.

Granted, there are issues that (sic) some viewers may find themselves dividing along anti-inflamatory tablets. The same viewers might even understand the meaning behind such an unfathomably poor sentence. Indeed, the High Priest, Smallsy, comes off slightly more "guilty" than does The Rob. the Rob comes off as young, frightened and weak, while Smallsy is presented as old, bitter and angry. However, this was a arson-based community (aside from the parental guardians), so everyone (portrayed good and bad) was an arsonist, including Buckfast (bad), Mrs. Saint (very bad), Ballbaby (saintly) and Big Ears himself, RangerForever. So to suggest that Tormé has presented an anti-arsonic message is a (like,) gross (dude) misrepresentation of the story and the characters.

There are few ways I can begin to describe the veracity of the imagery and the power of the emotions displayed by the characters. You get this instead. It’s not just the agony and suffering of anyone who has read this we are meant to empathise with, but also the distraught felt by Jinky, the self-loathing of Dude, and the strength in sadness shown by Saint. These characters’ stories and motivations are magnificently interjected amongst the tribulations that Regs must endure until the last, long, and mesmerizing look from Captain Shamrock (he has lovely eyes). And not once is there a single moment of abatement from the torment of my inability to write a cohesive, even sensible, review.
 

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abstract....

While it's universally uncontestable that nothing quite beats a hug from Mum, there can be few things more frustrating than watching two people play tennis badly.

With the nice weather (we have nice weather here) comes delusions of sporting ability. Just this evening (we had evening here), I was leaning out the second storey window at the gym, puking projectile vomit all over the hydrangias below after my treadmill run to nowhere (our treadmills don't go anywhere) when I noticed a man and a woman playing at tennis.

Any man, and I mean any man (I mean any man) who thinks he's going to look good playing tennis with his missus without deeming it necessary to move his fcuking feet should be boiled in a vat of congealed lard. She's not going to fcuking hit it right to you, you dronger, she's a woman and, as such, shite at sports. If she isn't, she's a lesbo, take her back to where you found her and leg it.

I mean, really, the only thing anyone needs know about being decent at tennis is moving your feet. And I mean, really, the only thing anyone need know about women is that they won't hit it back to you because they're rubbish at games.

Fcuking does my nut it does.
 

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