Welcome to the first edition of ‘Talking out My ASS, the FVSL Premier weekend that was…
Unlike other excellent reports or reports from various excellent sites this will be no where near excellent in any shape or form. I can, however, promise you that I will not refer to anyone as a young veteran, youngster or former Whitecap, nor will I refer to their skill as superlative, you may however be driven to distraction once or twice but that will not be from any players effort, I can assure you that. I can also state un-equivalently that I will not attempt to rank you. This write up will be rank enough as it is.
Why not use all of this you ask? Frankly, because it makes me nauseous and I couldn’t be fcuked to, but mainly this is the FVSL and no one has superlative skill nor was anyone good enough to play for the Caps at any point. Heck, half of us can't even make proper hooligans at a caps game, so really, it isn’t that great a stretch for me to keep my pen in check on those levels… Also, if you’ve ever tried to check a pen it’s trickier than it sounds.
I’ll attempt to bring to you an in depth look at the premiership, (it sounds more important when you type it out like that) with undercover work, groveling and feverish and somewhat spastic typing skills, all for you, the pundit FVSL enthusiast.
As a special bonus, I may only do this once. But aside from that I was able to obtain for you, the FVSL enthusiast, a whose-who of coaches, players and officials from Soccer Sources from the various premiership (just rolls of the tongue dunnit?) teams for this week.
Unfortunately none of them wanted their name associated with mine or this feeble attempt at a weekly review so they’ve all asked to remain anonymous. This was right after the restraining orders were lifted. So at least I’ve got that going for me.
With-out further babbling let us get on to some serious rhetoric. Your FVSL Weekend that was.
Week 1 -
The League
For those who follow the FVSL Premiership from a far, good choice, but I had My ASS (my anonymous soccer source) in side the FVSL head office, which doubles as Thomas Mills’ basement foyer, tell me that the league had several complaints last season not only from the smell coming from Mills underarms but from the team reps and officials about having to play too many important games too often while trying to compete for the BCPL, so as a league wide player and executive unification everyone decided to play week 1 where there were no winners or losers.
Gold stars for all involved for further proving together we stand united with the VMSL and VISL we fall.
The Matches –
Chilliwack 0 vs Poco Ranger FC 0
According to My ASS inside the Poco FC locker room, which, coincidently enough, does double as Thomas Mills basement foyer (tis a grand foyer) for those of you who’ve heard rumors of Chilliwack being mince, again, with the loss of some high profile players to Mission Masters side said they were surprisingly effective on the night. “Chilliwack had plenty fit kids full of piss and vinegar” said; My Ass. I personally would never recommend it as a pre game but the live in Chilliwack and one certainly can’t be too fcukgin choosy if they live in Chilliwack now can they?
The match was physical and pacey from the start I’m told but about 30 in the legs started to go. I told My Ass to lose weight but would he listen? The Poco players started to lose their legs shortly after that. Mike Wooldridge was excellent in his role as sweeper and Ryan Prosser for Chilliwack, fresh from his first FVSL All –Star season made a couple of terrific saves to keep the score at zeros.
My Poco ASS – Suggests fitness and finishing should be the focus for the remainder of the week. My Ass also tells me that Chilliwack’s pre game music selection drove him to distraction, but so does a shinny pie plate hanging from a tree.
Poco at home to ACBC - Chilliwack away to Aldergrove
GEU 1 vs Port Moody 1
My Ass couldn’t be contacted by post time.
GEU away to Langley – Port Moody home to Abbotsford
North Delta Lions 2 vs Aldergrove 2
My Ass couldn’t be contacted by post time. You can’t ignore me forever.
Aldergrove home to Chilliwack – North Delta away to PAU
Abbotsford Mariners 3 vs Peace Arch 3
Snake bitten in the last 5 vs Abbotsford Peace arch fancied catching the normally disorganized and frankly easy early season pickings Mariners off for an early 3, (that was easier to type than say) but due to the league wide united unification had to settle for a draw.
My Ass inside Abbotsford was asked who was his most effective player on the night “I don’t think PAU could keep a handle Mike Riehl, he created several chances, and was involved in just about every attack.” When asked the same question of PAU players My Ass was quoted as saying “I thought CJ was ok...he made one good save while diving, but my god my mortgage goes down faster than he does now.” “With 15 minutes to go Hleucka got put back on the park up front... giving the to 2 centre backs alot of trouble....injury occurs....CJ then does Abby a favour...puts him to center back” “ Other than that I didn’t see because I was too busy breathing out my ass.” (Irony)
“Most of the forward possession was ours on the night but the final ball, in the final third let us down at times I thought” My PAU Ass said. We really did let ourselves down in the end with that unlucky hand ball call when they should never had been in that position in the first place and then some poor marking late on a set piece that killed us"
“Fitness is key, especially early doors. When the fitness is there I think everything will fall into place. We didn’t play poorly I thought and we did creat more than enough to put away Abby, but when we got gassed is when we let ourselves down” I have a profound Ass I must say.
PAU home to North Delta – Abbotsford away to Port Moody
Langley 0 vs ACBC 0
Our last league wide united unification draw was between early season, according to TTP polls (and we know how realistic those are) league title favorites ACBC and Langley FC. It’s been much debated on who “should” have won this match, despite the united unification. One thing was clear from the start is that ACBC are a much more organized and “professional” side, despite the hideous kit and mittens.
I reached out to Rich Gablehouse early this week and ask him about that “All the new Improvements and structure (disapline) is credited to ACBCs new Head Coach Mark Pennington. I took the guys as far as I could last year and to make ACBC a team that can compete in the new BCSPL div we needed to Find a Better coach. I am a great manager and did ok as a coach. But a professional is what was needed to deal with the type of players and personalities that are on ACBC.
Its a whole new attitude and the guys are responding wonderfully.Yes we have lost a few guys who couldnt or wouldnt ...whats the word..fit in i will say..But all and all we are better because of it.
From the dressingroom to warm-up to attitude on the bench..and even showing up to training when injured..Everything is better. Athletic Club BC is a whole new team and its all because the respect the guys have for their new coach” Funny how he speaks exactly how he types, eh? Weird.
Disapline (sic) aside I did have an ASS at the game and from his point of view he figured ACBC could have had at least 1 penalty, where I’m told the contact could be heard from the parking lot… because instead of watching the game for me, My Ass was hitting on the U18 ladies side that had just finished their match.
Langley will be better as the season goes on he figures. He thought they were really unfit and that Langley’s keeper was man of the match and stole the point for them with 5 second half super saves on top of all the posts and cross bars.
Other the other hand, My Ass in the Langley corner figures My ACBC ASS is, pardon the pun, an ass, and on crack. Aren’t they all thought?
"I think we can all agree Tim was the player of the game by a mile. Worthy mentions were also Will Folstad, Chuck Keeling and Jay Newcomb on the back. Josh McCaig ran miles up top.” My Ass inside Langley was quick to point out that the way they played against ACBC, minus the fitness and finish, was why they have won league titles in the past. He thought they defend very well, work their asses off ( blasphemy) and played to their strengths given the age of the side..
Langley home to GEU – ACBC away to Poco
There you have it. My ass is worn out.
The weekend that was, was brought to you by Preparation H….
The Player of the week is Tim Wagner of Langley FC.
** Photo of Tim not available at post time. This may or may not be Tim.
Unlike other excellent reports or reports from various excellent sites this will be no where near excellent in any shape or form. I can, however, promise you that I will not refer to anyone as a young veteran, youngster or former Whitecap, nor will I refer to their skill as superlative, you may however be driven to distraction once or twice but that will not be from any players effort, I can assure you that. I can also state un-equivalently that I will not attempt to rank you. This write up will be rank enough as it is.
Why not use all of this you ask? Frankly, because it makes me nauseous and I couldn’t be fcuked to, but mainly this is the FVSL and no one has superlative skill nor was anyone good enough to play for the Caps at any point. Heck, half of us can't even make proper hooligans at a caps game, so really, it isn’t that great a stretch for me to keep my pen in check on those levels… Also, if you’ve ever tried to check a pen it’s trickier than it sounds.
I’ll attempt to bring to you an in depth look at the premiership, (it sounds more important when you type it out like that) with undercover work, groveling and feverish and somewhat spastic typing skills, all for you, the pundit FVSL enthusiast.
As a special bonus, I may only do this once. But aside from that I was able to obtain for you, the FVSL enthusiast, a whose-who of coaches, players and officials from Soccer Sources from the various premiership (just rolls of the tongue dunnit?) teams for this week.
Unfortunately none of them wanted their name associated with mine or this feeble attempt at a weekly review so they’ve all asked to remain anonymous. This was right after the restraining orders were lifted. So at least I’ve got that going for me.
With-out further babbling let us get on to some serious rhetoric. Your FVSL Weekend that was.
Week 1 -
The League
For those who follow the FVSL Premiership from a far, good choice, but I had My ASS (my anonymous soccer source) in side the FVSL head office, which doubles as Thomas Mills’ basement foyer, tell me that the league had several complaints last season not only from the smell coming from Mills underarms but from the team reps and officials about having to play too many important games too often while trying to compete for the BCPL, so as a league wide player and executive unification everyone decided to play week 1 where there were no winners or losers.
Gold stars for all involved for further proving together we stand united with the VMSL and VISL we fall.
The Matches –
Chilliwack 0 vs Poco Ranger FC 0
According to My ASS inside the Poco FC locker room, which, coincidently enough, does double as Thomas Mills basement foyer (tis a grand foyer) for those of you who’ve heard rumors of Chilliwack being mince, again, with the loss of some high profile players to Mission Masters side said they were surprisingly effective on the night. “Chilliwack had plenty fit kids full of piss and vinegar” said; My Ass. I personally would never recommend it as a pre game but the live in Chilliwack and one certainly can’t be too fcukgin choosy if they live in Chilliwack now can they?
The match was physical and pacey from the start I’m told but about 30 in the legs started to go. I told My Ass to lose weight but would he listen? The Poco players started to lose their legs shortly after that. Mike Wooldridge was excellent in his role as sweeper and Ryan Prosser for Chilliwack, fresh from his first FVSL All –Star season made a couple of terrific saves to keep the score at zeros.
My Poco ASS – Suggests fitness and finishing should be the focus for the remainder of the week. My Ass also tells me that Chilliwack’s pre game music selection drove him to distraction, but so does a shinny pie plate hanging from a tree.
Poco at home to ACBC - Chilliwack away to Aldergrove
GEU 1 vs Port Moody 1
My Ass couldn’t be contacted by post time.
GEU away to Langley – Port Moody home to Abbotsford
North Delta Lions 2 vs Aldergrove 2
My Ass couldn’t be contacted by post time. You can’t ignore me forever.
Aldergrove home to Chilliwack – North Delta away to PAU
Abbotsford Mariners 3 vs Peace Arch 3
Snake bitten in the last 5 vs Abbotsford Peace arch fancied catching the normally disorganized and frankly easy early season pickings Mariners off for an early 3, (that was easier to type than say) but due to the league wide united unification had to settle for a draw.
My Ass inside Abbotsford was asked who was his most effective player on the night “I don’t think PAU could keep a handle Mike Riehl, he created several chances, and was involved in just about every attack.” When asked the same question of PAU players My Ass was quoted as saying “I thought CJ was ok...he made one good save while diving, but my god my mortgage goes down faster than he does now.” “With 15 minutes to go Hleucka got put back on the park up front... giving the to 2 centre backs alot of trouble....injury occurs....CJ then does Abby a favour...puts him to center back” “ Other than that I didn’t see because I was too busy breathing out my ass.” (Irony)
“Most of the forward possession was ours on the night but the final ball, in the final third let us down at times I thought” My PAU Ass said. We really did let ourselves down in the end with that unlucky hand ball call when they should never had been in that position in the first place and then some poor marking late on a set piece that killed us"
“Fitness is key, especially early doors. When the fitness is there I think everything will fall into place. We didn’t play poorly I thought and we did creat more than enough to put away Abby, but when we got gassed is when we let ourselves down” I have a profound Ass I must say.
PAU home to North Delta – Abbotsford away to Port Moody
Langley 0 vs ACBC 0
Our last league wide united unification draw was between early season, according to TTP polls (and we know how realistic those are) league title favorites ACBC and Langley FC. It’s been much debated on who “should” have won this match, despite the united unification. One thing was clear from the start is that ACBC are a much more organized and “professional” side, despite the hideous kit and mittens.
I reached out to Rich Gablehouse early this week and ask him about that “All the new Improvements and structure (disapline) is credited to ACBCs new Head Coach Mark Pennington. I took the guys as far as I could last year and to make ACBC a team that can compete in the new BCSPL div we needed to Find a Better coach. I am a great manager and did ok as a coach. But a professional is what was needed to deal with the type of players and personalities that are on ACBC.
Its a whole new attitude and the guys are responding wonderfully.Yes we have lost a few guys who couldnt or wouldnt ...whats the word..fit in i will say..But all and all we are better because of it.
From the dressingroom to warm-up to attitude on the bench..and even showing up to training when injured..Everything is better. Athletic Club BC is a whole new team and its all because the respect the guys have for their new coach” Funny how he speaks exactly how he types, eh? Weird.
Disapline (sic) aside I did have an ASS at the game and from his point of view he figured ACBC could have had at least 1 penalty, where I’m told the contact could be heard from the parking lot… because instead of watching the game for me, My Ass was hitting on the U18 ladies side that had just finished their match.
Langley will be better as the season goes on he figures. He thought they were really unfit and that Langley’s keeper was man of the match and stole the point for them with 5 second half super saves on top of all the posts and cross bars.
Other the other hand, My Ass in the Langley corner figures My ACBC ASS is, pardon the pun, an ass, and on crack. Aren’t they all thought?
"I think we can all agree Tim was the player of the game by a mile. Worthy mentions were also Will Folstad, Chuck Keeling and Jay Newcomb on the back. Josh McCaig ran miles up top.” My Ass inside Langley was quick to point out that the way they played against ACBC, minus the fitness and finish, was why they have won league titles in the past. He thought they defend very well, work their asses off ( blasphemy) and played to their strengths given the age of the side..
Langley home to GEU – ACBC away to Poco
There you have it. My ass is worn out.
The weekend that was, was brought to you by Preparation H….
The Player of the week is Tim Wagner of Langley FC.
** Photo of Tim not available at post time. This may or may not be Tim.
