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Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings, 2007-2008

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Rangerforever

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"when the going gets tough, transfer to the FVSL"

Magic...:D

I'm sure the Chest tosses a 'caber' not cable?
Or is this some kind of demented sort of unsanitary competition of disposition of weightlifters' feces?

Ask 5BTs about lads who toss cabers.
You certaintly don't want to annoy peope like the chest by trying to steal their motorcycles...
 

moneyman

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Ok, sorry for the delay. But we have been meeting with the Customer Service Department here at the rankings over the past several days. The Chest has pointed out that a certain customer has characterized these rankings as being "stupid" and not "funny". But then The Chest clearly got very upset at a certain customer calling Sir M an "alcohlic" (sic), with "no life" (true), who was "trying way hard to be funny". Now everyone should bear in mind that The Chest is very loyal to Sir M, who pried him away from the living hell of the Northwest Cable Toss circuit to give him a job here at the rankings. But I must admit I have not seen the big fellow like this in a while: yelling, beating himself about the head, repeatedly inhaling smelling salts and ammonia, liberally slapping chalk all over his face and ample torso, (and of course there were the associated nose bleeds).

But, ultimately staff were able to calm down The Chest, utilizing one of our favourite guidelines here at these rankings: "when the going gets tough, transfer to the FVSL". (Oops, wrong one). What I meant was: "look at the bright side". So, staff accordingly have pointed out that Sir M, or a by now thick skinned rankings staff were thankfully not referred to by our customer as being "muckers, farmers, someone who barely finished Grade 10, hick, muckwad, unskilled mucker (worse than a mucker), retard, a joke, or a crybaby".

So that is a good thing.

Staff have taken in this constructive criticism, and now go forth with a "little bit less of how Sir M's wife is high maintenance" edition of this week's...

Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings:

1. Peace Arch United (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 1). Won 2-0 over LAB, but barely hold on to their spot, as Columbus and others are closing. Home next to Delta. The Andriy Shevchenko of Master's football's lobbying today did not hurt their cause for the coveted #1 spot at all.

2. Columbus F.C. (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 2). Defeated Sapp at Sapperon Park this weekend, 3-1. Staff report a Sal sighting illegally parked in front of the London Drugs at Hastings and Penticton this afternoon, where it looked like he was purchasing a fan. Home to Cliff next. MOTW. Full stop.

3. Cliff Ave. United (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 4). These guys had a convincing win over Metro Ford on the weekend. As stated above, away to Columbus next week.

4. Surrey United (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 3). Surrey tied at home this last week, so drop one spot. Away to PCOV on Friday in a match where they will be seeking payback.

5. ICSF Inter (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 5). Staff want to move this side up but, decided against it. Nice tie out in Cloverdale on the weekend (SMEPR fashion consultants are bristling at that reference). Home to Sapp next.

6. West Van F.C. (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 8). Up two spots after their 2-0 defeat of Firemen on Friday. Away to Metro-Ford this Friday.

7. S.F.C. Rangers (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 9). Up two spots after another in a FVSL series of beatings of new team White Rock. Away to Abbotsford on Friday. Staff are predicting a similar result. Which could make Abbotsford, and some others, somewhat sad.

8. Portuguese Club of Vancouver (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 13). As Eagles would say: "Wow". Up a big 5 spots after an emphatic 3-1 defeat of Westside. Home to Surrey United on Friday. Which team will show up for this one?

9. Westside F.C. (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 6). See the immediately above reference. Away to Cracovia next.

10. Coquitlam Metro Ford Wolves (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 7). Back down to #10 after their loss to Cliff this past weekend. Home to West Van next, in a replay of last Spring's VMSL Master's Cup final.

11. Sapperton Rovers (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 10). Drop another spot after their second straight home loss. Away to Inter next, a chance to right the ship.

12. Aldergrove United (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 11). They beat Sikh by a converted touchdown on the weekend. In the FVSL these days boys, if you want to move up, you have to at least humiliate a team 9 or 10 nothing. Down one. Away up at GEU next. Perhaps Moneyman can shed some light on what may happen in that game.

13. Delta Metro United (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 16). This team defeated GEU (ahem) 7-0 on the weekend. Big game over at PAU on Sunday. FVSL MOTW.

14. Vancouver Firefighters (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 14). Played this last weekend, but lost over at West Van. Home to Wickham next: could move up.

15. Mission FC Blues (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 15). Les bleus hold their spot with a win where they did not run up the score. Away to Sikh next.

16. Nordic FC (NSCL. Last week's rank: not ranked). This side is back into the top 20 after a tidy win on the weekend, one which Sir M took in. They play Seymour next, a team which is led by a guy that has sucked on way to many "water bongs" in the Mahon Park changeroom.

17. Wickham FC (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 20). First win of the year for Wickham moves them up. Away to VFF next.

18. Coveside FC (NSCL. Last week's rank: not ranked). This side is back where they belong after a win against Norvan on Sunday when numerous players and certainly their coach were really hung over and/or drunk. Impressive win though. Lupo next.

19. Golden Ears Thunder (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 12). Fortunes can change rather quickly in these rankings. This side was at #7 but two weeks ago, and are now struggling for a hold in the top twenty. The solution may be an injection of cash by Moneyman, I don't know. Or if they get a result against Aldergrove this weekend, that would certainly work.

20. Vikings (NSCL. Last week’s rank: 19). The Vikings defeated the Aztecs by a 1-0 score on the weekend. They play Norvan next, in an old NSCL rivalry.

So see you all next week. Lets all get along.

Sir M the Lordship what sort of injection of cash or might I say what amount of donation would Sir M like to have put towards his favourite charity. And would he like that donation to be made in large bills or small bills? That is the only question I need answered. How much of a donation is #6 in the rankings worth?

P.s Taxman is this a taxable deduction TTP charitable contributions?


$$$MAN THE GENEROUS
 

Sir M

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SCK:

I know I kid around, and make stuff up and all that. But read on, as this is a true story. Seriously.

Sir M is not at liberty to discuss the details as to why the following occured, and will categorically deny any involvement in the potentially fantastic details about to be described, but this is what happened recently (or not).

So some of Sir M's staff for some not be to disclosed here reason had occasion to perhaps videotape the North Side of Hastings Street recently, just west of Penticton. And no, do not just assume we had some recent information that Lamar was frequenting the pawn shop a couple of doors west of Teveres Deli during the middle of the day, as that may not necessarily be accurate. In any event, Sir M was reviewing said tape, and all of a sudden at about 450 PM on this day, (or we could call it 1650 hrs if you likea car pulls up (Sir M cannot recall but thinks it may have been a dark coloured Volvo, maybe a station wagon, or a SUV...I just recall a trunk being opened) and parks illegally right in front of London Drugs. Anyway this vehicle driven by a person who by his actions may have led staff to believe he is a good old boy from East Van, after parking his car in the bus zone in front of London Drugs, heads right into the drug store. This male is described as about 5'8" tall, 170-180 pounds, dark curly hair cut short, a little but not too thin at the front, and clean shaven, probably born in the early 70s, bit of a large nose and with dark eyes set a bit close to eachother. Basically one eyebrow, but shaved in the middle. He was described as wearing a dark coloured sport coat, a bit shiny actually (it almost looked velvet, staff report), low rise faded with a rip or two jeans, riding down over his heels, 32-34 inch waist, 32 inch inseam, and white adidas runners with dark stripes, size 8.5-10, hard to tell from the video. He, staff reports, looked definitely slim and fit, which may or may not, Sir M theorizes, be a result of recently playing in the Nationals.

So now, staff were to say at the least, very interested in what was to happen next: this could have been a real break.

Five minutes later, our friend emerged from London Drugs carrying a room fan in a box, and drove away.

Sigh.
 

Taxman

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Sir M the Lordship what sort of injection of cash or might I say what amount of donation would Sir M like to have put towards his favourite charity. And would he like that donation to be made in large bills or small bills? That is the only question I need answered. How much of a donation is #6 in the rankings worth?

P.s Taxman is this a taxable deduction TTP charitable contributions?

In order to be a charitable donation a charitable registrationnumber is required. Therefore, the only opportunity for a deduction would be as a business expense - such as promotion - however, I doubt that promoting "the Goo" would bring you any business unless you were a drycleaner or you had a job at Tim Horton's ... mind you I think you should be thankful to still be in the Top 20.
now if you would like to make some real money try ELN or CTQ :D:D:D
 

Sir M

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Ok this week's rankings are going to be short and sweet (a bit like my coach of the year friend) as Sir M is inspired by all of this over 40's talk and is off in a half an hour for a session in the gym with his new personal trainer THE HUMAN CHEST.

So lets get going. Just give me a moment, I have to wash down 20 desiccated liver tablets with a protein shake. Ok, here we go now with this week's abbreviated version of:

Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings:

1. Columbus F.C. (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 2). In a rather rare rankings event, this side takes over top spot despite not playing on the weekend. Away to West Van coming up this Friday evening at Ambleside. A buffed up Sir M may suit up in this one and have a run at Frank C.

2. Surrey United (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 4). Surrey are top of Side B in the VMSL Masters Premier after a gutty away win on the green pavement of BLSCW on the weekend without the services of their top scorer. At home to a struggling Cracovia next. If they win, staff report this SU side will be celebrating by measuring the elasticity of their scrotums. Special guest measurer: Martin Foden.

3. Cliff Ave. United (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 3). Did not play on the weekend. And as such, unlike Mrs Commando's post nuptial persona, their ranking remains unchanged. They are home to Inter this weekend, potential MOTW. This team likes early games. Little known trivia fact: Sir M used to carry a certain then a tot but now influential Cliff midfielder on his shoulders while on holidays quite a few years ago.

4. West Van F.C. (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 6). Their defeat of Metro Ford by a bit of a lopsided score out in Coquitlam (I think that is what that is called) on Friday eve moves this team up two spots. Host Columbus on Friday in another potential VMSL MOTW.

5. Peace Arch United (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 1). Despite the Andriy Shevchenko of Master's football's lobbying, this team's loss to the lower ranked DMU side drops them. Away next to Aldergrove, a game which should be another stern examination.

6. Westside F.C. (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 9). Back in the top six after their dismantling of Cracovia, in a FVSL-esque scoreline. Away to an old rival, Firemen, next.

7. S.F.C. Rangers (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 7). Did not play, so maintain their spot. Home to Sikh next.

8. ICSF Inter (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 5). Drop after failing to hold the lead at home against a lower ranked Sapp side on Sunday. Away to Cliff Avenue at some ungodly hour this coming weekend.

9. Delta Metro United (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 13). This team has now knocked off two of the powerhouses of the FVSL, Golden Ears Thunder, and Peace Arch United, in successive weeks. Big move up. Home next to the much feared Mighty All Blacks.

10. Aldergrove United (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 11). Up again after an emphatic defeat of another much feared FVSL side, GEU. This side, staff report, are under rated. And people sometimes do not give them the respect they deserve. Home to PAU next: FVSL MOTW.

11. Sapperton Rovers (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 11). Sapperton gutted out a tie on the weekend. They did not have their #1 goaltender, and some other influential players, and must feel hard done by, and rightly so, by a dubious penalty call. Staff have a request though: it is quite difficult to identify WAB, who staff have identified as one of the best dead ball (sorry Ballbaby) strikers in Masters football, when the hair is a different colour each week. So is WAB always #19, no matter the hue, staff are asking, despite frostings etc? Home to PCOV next, should be a good game.

12. Portuguese Club of Vancouver (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 8). This team is more difficult to predict than which team 5 Big Toes will play for next year. Lost to Surrey Utd on the weekend, but lock horns with Inter in a Commercial Drive Derby this coming weekend.

13. Coquitlam Metro Ford Wolves (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 10). Lack of personnel has hurt this team the last two weeks and as a result their goaltender is now displaying symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder: a bit, actually, like the Skank after her visit to the treefort two summers back. Away to Wickham this coming Friday. They will need bodies for that one, like 14 or 15, Sir M figures.

14. Wickham FC (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 17). This team is on a two game win streak all of a sudden. Staff report that the charisma bypass surgery has proved to be successful. They could make it three in a row against Metro-Ford this Friday up at the treefort.

15. Mission FC Blues (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 15). Les bleus beat Sikh 2-0 on the weekend. Host GEU Thunder next. Rumour has it, staff report, that Moneyman is looking to purchase this team. But this is thus far unconfirmed. I will discuss this with him at dinner on Sunday.

16. Vancouver Firefighters (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 14). This side is, like Metro Ford of late, struggling to get guys out to play, or to not defect anyway. But make no mistake this is a top ten, if not top five, if not top two team. They just need some of their players to show up a bit more frequently. Away to Westside next.

17. Nordic FC (NSCL. Last week's rank: 16). Did not play because the league was postponed, once again, this weekend, when Nordic claim to have been good to go. Drop one spot as staff really cannot in all good conscience rank this team higher than VFF. Away to the scary Vikings next.

18. Coveside FC (NSCL. Last week's rank: 18). This side did not play on the weekend. There are some unconfirmed reports that the entire league was shut down because it was not in this side's best interest to play on this last Sunday on gravel. Staff report that that cannot be true because that may indicate favouritism. So that information is clearly erroneous, and Sir M has to put his foot down and put an end to that type of talk, and cut down a bit on the subjunctive clauses, perhaps, in the process: give me strength. Play the LV Aztecas next.

19. Langley All Blacks (FVSL. Last week's rank: not ranked). Right in time for Hallowe'en, this side (BOO!), one of the scariest in Master's football, is back in their rightful spot in these rankings after beating White Rock by a 5-1 score this weekend. Big game away to Delta next.

20. Vikings (NSCL. Last week’s rank: 20). Huge temptation for Sir M to usurp The Vikings' top twenty place on behalf of The Thunder as the result of the rather generous envelope received from Sir M's friend and benefactor Moneyman. But in the final evalution, Sir M had to consider that rather generous monetary reward against having the estate burned down and suffering the indignation of being pillaged by a bunch of scantily clad big hairy blonde haired guys with blood smeared over their torsos (OK maybe the Mrs, as she I think is into that, but not Sir M himself). But lets talk about a dream game: The Vikings against The Thunder. Thor as referree.

So thats it for this week. I am now off for an excruciating workout.

Sir M.
 

biggs

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There are some unconfirmed reports that the entire league was shut down because it was not in this side's best interest to play on this last Sunday on gravel. Staff report that that cannot be true because that may indicate favouritism. So that information is clearly erroneous, .

I might have been wrong but it all adds up like the Anti Fan's bottle collection after a miscue in road surfaces on the way to the depot :confused:

Actually glad we missed the match as Confederation is quite the mess. On grass this weekend for an early match vs Freybe for top spot. Should be a good one.
 

Lupoman

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Sir M wrote,
18. Coveside FC (NSCL. Last week's rank: 18). This side did not play on the weekend. There are some unconfirmed reports that the entire league was shut down because it was not in this side's best interest to play on this last Sunday on gravel.
.


As a member of the league executive, I would find this kind of accusation completely slanderous if it wasn't completely true!! :eek:Besides Coveside being favoured, how else would the two bottom feeding teams of the league get Confederation turf if one of the league execs didn't play for one of those teams. Should be known that much like the power ranks staff, the executive at the NSCL also takes bribes. Not that there is anything wrong with that.:rolleyes:

lupoman
 

Sir M

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Thanks Moneyman, in response to your question, I will be attending alone. Having said that, I was kind of hoping I would meet someone.
 

moneyman

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Thanks Moneyman, in response to your question, I will be attending alone. Having said that, I was kind of hoping I would meet someone.

Excellent choice Sir M, there will be a fine choice of companions for you to dine with. I shall send you the portfolio of all the women and there unique talents. My recommondation for you since the staff has you working night and day,and the wife is adding to your stress load. I think twins would be in the cards relaxation,relaxation,relaxation. But I must ask you to sworn secrecy on any further business dealings I discuss with you. But i do agree with you on a TTP night at some fine classy strip joint. As you say it would be divine!!



$$$MAN THE GIVING
 

JAGS

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Sir M,

I think twins would be in the cards

I sure hope Moneyman is not trying to set you up with a couple of blonde Swedish twins?:D:D Looks like KNVB standing in front of a mirror.

Speaking of twins Sir M, how do you like the 'puppies'?

JAGS
 

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Scottyshell

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Gee....we beat the 6th ranked team....wow.....hope we don't move up to far..we want SU to be over confident for next week..haha...wonder if we'll have more than 11 guys showing up for the game?

Cheers!
 

5bigtoes

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aldergrove and delta must surely move up after a weekend of winning ways while the once top ranked PAU must be slowing moving down the Power Ranks...PAU karma must be lost??? nothing sheva could do for the poor PAU lads except don the boots and plunk a few in the back-o-the old onion bag!
:D
as for SFC FF they must also claim a significant leap in rankings from SirM (see FVSL Master Post by Coach) one unforgettable night!
 

Rangerforever

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I think twins would be in the cards relaxation (1),relaxation (2),relaxation. (3)

Sounds like Triplets to me.
Even better...:D

Toes:
Come now bud, we like the underdog tag and you know it.
Kind of like those weasels from Aldergrove actually...

MBE:
Excellent as usual and await your further disrespect. ;)
My vote is WV move significantly after knocking off #1 no?
Can that be done MBE?
Pull some strings, you can do it mate.
 

Sir M

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Well, on a personal level, this was a real life changing weekend for Sir M. I must say that Sir M had quite the evening over at the venerable Moneyman's property on Sunday, and has kind of "met" one of the triplets. So the two of us will be off to a formal next Friday evening, and as a result I have to cancel out of the traditional West Van chorts' a week late costume party this year. But, giddy as a schoolgirl, Sir M is quite anticipating a rather magic evening coming up.

Anyway, obviously I am in a good mood. And some teams this week will be equally of good cheer.

And some will not.

But now, it is time for this week's edition of:


Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings:

1. Cliff Ave. United (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 3). This side has dropped but two points all year in the VMSL. They defeated Inter, a team they are physically attracted to, by a 1-0 score on Sunday. They are away to PCOV next.

2. Surrey United (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 2). This team was a fraction away from the #1 spot. They had a tidy win over Cracovia this last week. Away to Firemen next. Potential VMSL MOTW. Sir M may take this one in himself, unless he goes to La Conner to just talk.

3. West Van F.C. (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 4). This side defeated #1 Columbus on Friday, and celebrated in true Hallowe'en fashion by inbibing in a few Pina Coladas at Trader Vic's. On a four game win streak. Away to Inter in the heart of the scary east end on Sunday.

4. Columbus F.C. (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 1). Down three spots after giving up a first half lead over at Ambleside on Friday. They received a bit of a post game tongue lashing on the field afterwards, staff report. Home to Wickham next, in a game in which I am sure they will be looking for retribution.

5. S.F.C. Rangers (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 7). Up two spots after the erudite SFC manager finally came to his senses and played the FVSL's greatest goaltender in his natural position. Result: 5-0 shutout for the BC Champs. Away to GEU next.

6. Aldergrove United (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 10). This side's ranking is rising quicker than Coach's blood pressure over in Winnipeg recently. Huge win over PAU on the weekend, but no respite: away to Delta next.

7. Peace Arch United (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 5). Back to back losses have taken a bit of the lustre off of this team's dream start. Got a bit of a lesson in if you don't have all of your good players out, you lose in Masters Football (ask VFF). Still a quality side. A chance to make amends this weekend when they host Mission.

8. Delta Metro United (FVSL. Last week's rank: 9). Up one spot after their surgical (one of the soon to be ex's favourite words by the way) dismantling of the All Blacks on the weekend. Home to Aldergrove next. A real test.

9. ICSF Inter (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 8). Down one after their loss to Cliff on Sunday. Staff report that this one was a bit of an unjust result for Inter. Home to WVFC next.

10. Westside F.C. (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 6). These fellows lost 2-0 to a lower ranked Firemen on the weekend on a small pitch that they report favoured the opposition. Away to a struggling Metro Ford (please see Peace Arch not enough bodies, losing results reference) next. Could move back up.

11. Sapperton Rovers (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 11). Sapperton has it appears righted the ship a bit, with a win over PCOV on the weekend. Play Cracovia next.

12. Vancouver Firefighters (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 16). Big jump for these guys after an impressive away win at Westside in the rain on Sunday. Home to Surrey United on Sunday. A win puts them top ten easy.

13. Wickham FC (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 14). Up again after an easy win over Metro Ford on Friday. Are quickly playing their way out of the relegation zone. Away to Columbus coming up.

14. Portuguese Club of Vancouver (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 12). This mercurial side lost a close one to Sapp on the weekend. They are at home to Cliff on the weekend, in an interesting matchup, staff report.

15. Coquitlam Metro Ford Wolves (VMSL. Last week’s rank: 10). This team drops again, and still need more guys out. They need Ben Affleck back for sure. And maybe Joe Bill. Home to Westside next. Things are not getting easier.

16. Mission FC Blues (FVSL. Last week’s rank: 15). Big win over GEU Thunder on the weekend. Away to Peace Arch next. That could be tougher than a flat tire on turn three.

17. Nordic FC (NSCL. Last week's rank: 17). This team finally played on the weekend, and, in an incestuous, bloody and Scandinavian affair, defeated Vikings by a 1-0 score. Home to Norvan next.

18. Coveside FC (NSCL. Last week's rank: 18). This side came from behind to defeat Lynn Valley Aztecs on the weekend. For you non-North Shore residents, Sir M can report that there is quite the Aztec community up in the mountains of Lynn Valley. Reports are that the District of North Vancouver is actually considering re-naming the Seymour Demonstration Forest. The proposed new name is Macchu Piccho.

19. Golden Ears Thunder (FVSL. Last week's rank: not ranked). This side lost a close one on the weekend, but still are on nine points in the FVSL. And their owner is quite the gentleman. Host SFC Rangers next.

20. Langley All Blacks (FVSL. Last week's rank: 19). The black team lost to DMU on the weekend, and can get some points, staff report, when they drive way out to Abbotsford this weekend.

So thats it for this week in the rankings. Remember, the world is a wonderful place. Best of luck to everyone this weekend.

Sir M.
 

Rangerforever

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MBE:
Someone's a little chuffed after the weekend's results? ;)
Well done to you, ma Partick Thistle brother Jags, and Dicken's Cider.
Speaking of, does Dickens play, or post for that matter, these days? :p

is rising quicker than Coach's blood pressure over in Winnipeg recently.

Brilliant!
This is Kenny's face these days: :mad:
Note the suntan.

Oh, and he is a 'Leetch'.
But his last name is spelt 'Leitch'.
Hi Ass-Face! :D

No.5inyourprogrambutNo.1inyourheartforever
 

Sir M

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RF: Sir M had a good weekend. But the Friday nite result, althought nice, was not the highlight. But the team we played is always tough so that win was good for us. I am sure that they would expect or hope they would win if they were hosting us as well. More to follow perhaps about the weekend though in next week's rankings.
 

SCK

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I am a little disappointed that you failed to review the calendar prior to the rankings... We do play you guys after all...on our pitch and hope to bring out the beverages et al. Cliff #1 is interesting. I'd like to see what others think about that. I hope they enjoy it while it lasts...Not a problem with the other rankings though. We are where we should be seeing that we've lost some crucial points although in every game we've played.

See you Sunday Sir M.
 
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