Scottish Premier League News 2008/2009

[Buckfast]

After watching PSG tonight, Rangers would be a footballing club if PLG had the same kitty as Walter. What a shame.

As far as atmosphere goes, wow.Not a derby game and Parc de Princes was amazing. Bought my PSG w/Makele immediately after. Converted.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Curriculum Vitae - Walter Smith OBE

(Feb 1948) Walter Smith was born in Glasgow on 24th February 1948 and grew up in Carmyle in the east end of the city as boyhood fan of the huns. He trained as an electrician and gained employment at the South of Scotland Electricity Board before launching his football career in the 1960s as a defender with non-League Glaswegian team Ashfield.

(1966 - 1975) Enjoys a particularly un-noteworthy and mediocre career at Dundee United, the 'highlight' of which was reaching the 1974 Scottish Cup Final at Hampden ………. where he and the rest of the tangerine tits were on the wrong end of a 3-0 skelping by Celtic. A game in which he was subbed !!

(1975 - 1977) As his career rockets, Wattie leaves Tayside for a money-spinning £7000 transfer to the heady heights of ………. er, Dumbarton.

(1977 - 1986) Tiring of the glamour and the high life down Dumbarton way, he leaves for another lucrative move ………. back to Tayside, to play second fiddle to Jim McLean in the Tannadice dug-out.

(1986 - 1991) Joins Rankers to play second fiddle to Graeme Souness as they establish a quite unique and curiously bizarre blend of chequebook management - i.e. blowing £50m+ on a stream of grossly over-inflated, over-rated, duffers when there was no competition to speak of. Rankers would go on to become a European laughing stock, and set a record for being the club most often knocked out of European competition - usually at the first stage. They did however enjoy domestic success - if you consider spending £50m+ on the SPL baubles to be a measure of 'success'.

(1991 - 1997) Inherits an established team at Rankers and carries on the twin mantles of enhancing Rankers growing stature as European football's resident court jesters, and domestic spendthrift, blowing a further £45m despite there still being no domestic competition to speak of. Invokes the confidence of David Murray, who abley assisted by The Daily Ranger, assures everyone "We have to deliver a European trophy within three or four years, or be challenging regularly in the Champions League. If we are not doing well in that timescale I will consider my tenure to have been a total failure". Rankers go on to get horsed out of Europe, concede the League title to Celtic, and the Scottish Cup to Hearts.

During his glory years at The Death Star, when the cash flowed like water, Wattie had the European footballing elite quaking in their Predators, as he took Rankers to the dizzying heights of the CL Qualifying Round (twice), the First Round (twice), and the bottom of their Group (twice), including an 8-1 aggregate mauling by Juventus in 1995. On the one occaision when Rankers actually were able to claw their way out of the Group, it was by way of 4 Draws, and 2 narrow Wins over the giants of ………. er, Club Brugge and CSKA Moscow.

(Jun 1998) Jumping before he was pushed, Smith is last seen speeding out the back door of Legoland and jumping into a taxi bound for Merseyside, where he joins Everton in July of that year.

(Sep 2000) Horsed out of the Worthington Cup by the mighty Bristol Rovers.

(Dec 2000) Slaughtered 5-0 by Manchester City.

(Jan 2001) Horsed out of the FA Cup in painful fashion after being pumped 3-0 by local minnows Tranmere Rovers.

(Mar 2002) Sacked by Everton for using his unique 'talents' to take them to the heady heights of a 13-game string of Away defeats, the precipice of a relegation dogfight, and blowing an incredible £58m of their hard-earned. In his three seasons at Goodison, Everton finished in 13th, 14th, and 16th places respectively.

In addition his legacy after nearly three seasons in charge reads : “Everton were playing utterly awful football with little spirit or creativity. He failed to play most of the players in their best position. He could not ensure that each player understood the team plan and his particular role within it. The available players appeared to be poorly prepared for each match. The rumours about poor morale, lack of communications, dreadful fitness, diet and conditioning regimes at Everton could not all be dismissed. It was as if he needed the services of a head coach of real subtlety and skill. The 4-5-1 & 5-3-2 experiments had been a complete disaster, and a total failure. He could not decide on a formation and basic system of playing. The policy of buying ageing injured players had backfired badly. Based on performance, Everton were consistently poor; no defence was possible; there were no excuses – Everton under Walter Smith were simply dreadful”. (Source : ToffeeWeb)

(2002 - 2004) Spends two years on the broo, er 'resting'. Pops up occaisionally on Lodge Sportscene and the like, to cheer on The Sons of William and stick the boot into Celtic whenever the occaision presents itself. It is not known at this stage, wether he has sold his share in The Rosevale Tavern (Partick) - a west end watering hole which displays Loyalist paraphenalia behind the gantry. Orange-clad knuckle-draggers feeling particularly flush can also buy Loyalist CD's, Red Hand badges, and other assorted Masonic and Loyalist trinkets, should they so be inclined – which they usually are.

(Mar - May 2004) After two years 'resting', manages to cadge a job at Old Trafford, playing second fiddle (he has bags of experience in this role by now) to Alex Ferguson. Lasts a whopping 3 months, before being politely moved on.

(July - Nov 2004) Enjoys a further 'rest' period, while his bretheren in the Scottish meeja orchestrate a structured campaign of hate and vitriol against Berti Vogts, with a view to having their brother and loyal friend installed as Worshipful Master over at Lodge Hampden #1.

(Dec 2004) After a successful and particularly biased cheerleading campaign by the heavily agendised Scottish meeja, and despite there being a number of better rated candidates for the post, (having a Fenian in the chair is almost as bad as having a German), Wattie tries hard to hide his embarassment as he gleefully puts pen to paper on another money-for-nothing, money-spinning, lucrative package.

(Mar 2005) Leads a team of Bravehearts into the bubbling cauldron of an empty San Siro and carries on where Craig Brown left off, deftly positioning 11 men behind the ball. He is rewarded with a magnificent 2-0 defeat against a team operating at around 50%. After the game Wattie takes comfort from the fact The Shellsuit played well, and lavishes praise on his former Death Star protoge, ignoring completely, the endeavours of his ten team-mates. This diversionary tactic deflects attention from his bizarre team selections, nepotisitc approach, and negative tactics. The criticism from his chums in the meeja is deafening in it's silence.

(Aug 2005) Wattie continues to distinguish himself by snatching a draw from the jaws of victory, as his team fail to hold onto a 2-0 lead against those monoliths of European football – Austria - and capitulate in an embarassing heap with only seven minutes left to play.

(Oct 2005) Wattie steers Scotland to an impressive 0-1 home defeat to Belarus, as the World Cup dream turns into a nightmare, and Scotland take their place alongside the likes of Cyprus, Albania, and Estonia, peering into the big boys playground wondering what it’s like to qualify for a tournament proper. To put the result into perspective, Belarus were registering only their second away win EVER, in their entire history – the first one being against the might of, er, Malta. In a fantastic example of blue-tinted camaraderie for old times’ sake, Wattie’s chums in the Rankers-friendly meeja continue to deflect responsibility from The Cardigan by continuing to blame Bertie Vogts, David Taylor, the players, the officials, the SFA, FIFA, Santa Claus, Lee Harvey Oswald, The Tooth Fairy ……

(Nov 2005) Wattie continues his meteoric rise to mediocrity, with a display that he describes as "wonderful ... brilliant ... absolutely outstanding ... and, sensational." This outlandish hyperbole is used to mask the fact that the match ended in a 1-1 draw, against those global footballing behemoths – the USA. Refusing to be downbeat about yet another dull failure to win, Wattie announces that he is "quite satisfied" with the result. Curiously, only 26,000 managed to turn up for this match, despite there being a near bloodbath for tickets 4 weeks previously, when the glory-hunting hoardes thought there was a chance of a European piss-up in the offing.

(Jan 2006) Out with the old, and in with the new. As a New Year dawns, Wattie’s end of year report card reads : ‘Must do better. Walter sets himself particularly low standards, which he invariably fails to live up to.’

(Mar 2006) Wattie’s first game of 2006 sees him lead his team to a humiliating 3 - 1 humping at the hands of the mighty clock-makers of Switzerland. It could have been the 1st of April, rather than the 1st of March for hapless cuckoo Wattie, who commented : "Over all, they were better, passed the ball better and were more compact than us. That's my worst experience so far. I played the formation that worked well for us, but I may have to look at that."

(Sep 2006) Finally manages to steer the national team to a few victorys against the likes of Lithuania, and the Faroe Islands (whoop-de-doo !!) and for once in his sorry life actually achieves a result against a team when it matters, by beating France with a solitary goal - scored by a Celt.

(Oct 2006) Normal service is resumed, with a 2-0 gubbing, administered by the mighty Ukraine.

(Jan 2007) As sure as turkeys always come home to roost, and a criminal will always return to the scene of the crime, the traiterous, self-serving Wattie walked out on his country, the moment his old paymaster came a-calling. Despite Scotland being only halfway through their vital Euro 2008 qualifying campaign, and the contract that dragged him out of the footballing wilderness still having 18 months left on it to run, Wattie stuck two fingers up at his country, and showed everyone just how sincere his passion for the national side actually was. Wattie had been explicitly refused permission to speak to Rankers, but this didn’t stop The Dark Lord tapping him up in a series of clandestine meetings, the outcome of which saw the SFA initiate legal proceedings against Smith for ‘Breach Of Contract’, and against Murray sued for 'Inducement To Break A Contract'. Judging by some of the names he was called by the fans he left feeling betrayed and short-changed, it may be some time before the ‘Judas hypocrite sneaky money-grabbing snake bastard’ convinces anyone anywhere that his self-serving treachery was was anything other than thus.

Fearing the honest judgement of an impartial jury, The Dark Lord later settled out of court, by stumping up a reputed £500,000 in compensation – but not before France coach Raymond Domenech launched a scathing attack on Smith for his treachery. In a verbal volley that pulled no punches, Domenech was one of the few who had the courage to publically state, what everyone else was thinking, stating matter of factly : "That's not club before country, that's bank account before country. In terms of sporting ethics I think it's a shame he has the right to abandon them like that. He is laughing in the players' faces. Simply put, he is taking advantage of Scotland's recent resurgence to further his own career. It's scandalous. He's taken advantage of the momentum they've given him and then dropped them. After all the hard work they've put in, he's left all of them. His departure could prove fatal to Scotland's Euro 2008 hopes." Domenech’s comments would later be proven accurate and true, as Scotland – now under the dubious tenure of the inept Gingerbaws McLeish – failed to qualify for Euro 2008.

(Feb 2007) Wattie picks up, where his woeful European football record previously left off, with a stunning 2-1 defeat by Israeli no-hopers Hapoel Tel Aviv.

(March 2007) Wattie leads Rankers to their end of season party on the 14th of March 2007, as they are horsed out of Europe by Osasuna – a team on the verge of relegation in the Spanish league. This will be their second season in a row with an empty trophy cabinet.

(August 2007) As the new season kicks off, Wattie regails the SPHell with a new footballing strategy entitled ‘Wattienaccio.’ This consists of playing one up front at home against run-of-the-mill opposition (and getting gubbed in the process !!) in a particularly ugly brand of defensive ‘anti-football’. Wattie uses the same ugliness in Europe, where he is slated by Barcelona’s Lionel Messi, and Lyon Coach, Alain Perrin, for his football-killing negativity. Messi said : “It was incredible. Rankers just did not want to play football. They practiced 'anti-football' from the first minute and I'm just sorry that we couldn't manage the win after creating a good number of chances. It's difficult and complicated to play against a team like that, but I think that when they come and visit us, it'll be different.” This later proved to be accurate, as Barca horsed the dreary Gers at Camp Nou, despite the huns playing a 1-10 formation, in one of their ugliest performances ever. Of the huns ‘anti-football’, Alain Perrin stated : “They managed nothing more than a freak result against us. Our superb 3-1 victory at Bordeaux (the following week) came as a result of Bordeaux playing the game in the proper manner, unlike Rankers, who played anti-football at the Stade Gerland.”

(December 2007) Wattie’s shambolic huns yet again embarrass the nation, when their European luck finally runs out, and they are horsed out of the CL after a 3-0 home drubbing by Lyon. Celtic meanwhile continue to fly the CL flag for Scotland, after progressing to the knockout stages for the second year in succession.

(March 2008) Wattie is red carded, and banned for two matches after losing the plot, and charging into the Hibs technical area to try and attack Mixu Pataleinan after the Hibs boss had shown his disgust at a horrific, two-footed, potentially leg-breaking lunge on his defender Thierry Gathuessi by hun sewer-rat Nacho Nohope. As he tried to confront Pataleinan, a berserk Wattie was clearly shown on camera, pushing the fourth official out of the way. After his violence in the technical area, The Cardigan was given a large broom and a carpet, by his chums in the media, to sweep the entire ugly incident under. Despite the brawl happening in the full glare of the media, the incident was never mentioned again - almost as if it never happened. As the festering old bigot was banished to the stand to try and calm down, hun SFA Chief Executive Gordon Smith, who was watching the game from the stand immediately behind the technical areas, also curiously, and not a tad mysteriously, managed to neither see nor hear anything.

(April 2008) Wattienaccio carries on his mind-bendingly dull, anti-football spectacular, with a dreadful 0-0 snoozefest against Fiorentina in the UEFA Cup, in which the huns – playing their dreary, predictable, and grossly ugly 10-1 formation – never manage a single shot on goal, during the entire 90 minutes. The match stats show that Fiorentina had an incredible 83% possession during the game. Not surprising, some might say ? That is until it’s mentioned that the huns were playing AT HOME !!

(May 2008) Wattienaccio leads his team of defenders to the UEFA Cup Final in Manchester after an incredible run of matches that included no less than FOUR no-score draws, managing only to score what must be a record low FIVE goals during the entire tournament. This statistic is made even more stark, when it is highlighted that two of these goals were as a direct result of the Werder Bremen goalkeeper virtually throwing two of them into the back of his own net. Wattie’s UEFA Cup run came to an ignominous end when his team of anti-footballers were spanked by the largely unknown Russians, Zenit St Petersburg. Off the field, the drunken hooligan hun followers of Dignity FC shame the nation as they smash up Manchester city centre, attack opposition fans and police, and conduct running battles with riot police. More than 42 are arrested, charged with a plethora of public order offences, and banned from all football stadia in England & Wales. Wattienaccio’s 2008 UEFA Cup stats read as follow follows :

Panathanaikos : 0-0 H / 1-1 A
Werder Bremen : 2-0 H / 1-0 A
Sporting Lisbon : 0-0 H / 2-0 A
Fiorentina : 0-0 H / 0-0 A
Zenit St Petersburg : 0-2 F

(May 2008) Despite the most wishfull of thinking by Wattie’s chums in the pro-Rankers Scottish media, and exaggerated and fanciful notions of winning a Quadruple, the huns end their season with two tin pots – the lowliest of the prizes they had so desperately wished for – as Celtic win the SPL title for the third consecutive season. Wattie joins a tightly-knit brotherhood of hun losers (the others being Gingerbaws McLeish and Paul Le Goon) who have been unable to wrest the SPL crown from Celtic for the past three seasons. Three seasons, three mangers, three losers.

(Aug 2008) Wattie starts the new season as he finished the old – as a category one loser – leading the huns to their most spectacular European loss in modern history as they are horsed out of European competition by Russian minnows FK Kaunas, before the rest of Scotland are even finished playing their pre-season friendlies. Described as ‘a two bob pub team from a two bob country’ (© Hugh Keevins) Kaunas' win in the 1st Champions League qualifying round, sends the huns hurtling into freefall, terminating their participation in European competition for another year, and snatching the £13million jackpot from under their blue noses. The resultant shockwaves see the huns seething with permarage as they bombard every newspaper, radio station, internet forum, phone-in, and any other medium they can contaminate with calls for Wattie’s head on a silver platter. Celtic meanwhile, continue to fly the flag for Scotland in the lucrative Champions League group stage, as they anticipate another year of mixing with European football's elite clubs.

(Aug 2008) After their disasterous European exit, Wattie reassures the seething hoardes that half-man, half-horse Carlos Cuellar (one of the most protected defenders on the planet given the huns ten men behind the ball tactics) is not for sale. Four days later, Cuellar is an Aston Villa player. If anyone thought the knuckledraggers were spitting blood previously, the sale of Ugly Betty takes their festering, bubbling lava pit of venom to a whole new level. With his jaiket dangling from an exceptionally shoogily nail, Wattie does what he knows best and goes on a spending spree, after The Dark Lord, under massive pressure from the gathering mob and facing a 2pm protest outside the front door of The Death Star, finally prises the lid off the huns rusty biscuit tin.


To be continued ………………………

 

[johnnybluenose]

Well Done Arabs! You could have had all three too!!! another peno call...or NON call this time (Levien may have been right about the OF afterall

Well done Accies (not all hoops are created equal) that is two games against what should be considered superior quality and have all 6 points to show (away at ICT is not easy, ask Wattie and beat the Arabs at New Douglas)

I hope they can hold on to McArthy and McArthur (The younger one pulling the same fcukwit move as AIDS McGreedy and capping for the Republic after being reared and raised in Glasgow...Where again in ireland is Glasgow I ask...)

Surely some of the BPL or Old Firm will come calling for both these two in the not so distant future, I cannot believe the one lad is still only 17 years old!

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Celtic deserved nothing better than the draw.........Scott McDonald is the new John Hartson, at least in terms of being overweight.......he was SHOCKING and Strachan pulled a great tactical move by taking him out at the 88 minute mark and putting Samaras in to win the game. He played a total of 5 minutes. Nice one, Ginger Baws.

As for the penalties, Caldwell could have been called for THREE.......the foul(although the guy threw his arms in the air and embellished it and I'm sure that's why the ref didn't call it), and two hand balls......within a 15 minute span.

After two games, Celtic should have a maximum of one point based on their play.......No more signings in the future either will mean relinquishing the SPL title.........

 

[johnnybluenose]

As for the penalties, Caldwell could have been called for THREE.......the foul(although the guy threw his arms in the air and embellished it and I'm sure that's why the ref didn't call it), and two hand balls......within a 15 minute span.

That is the guy worth 15 million with McManus right?

After two games, Celtic should have a maximum of one point based on their play.......No more signings in the future either will mean relinquishing the SPL title.........

Things are looking up

 

[Captain Shamrock]

That is the guy worth 15 million with McManus right?

Things are looking up

Yes, Sir Gordon Strachan believes they are worth 12 - 15 million.........if he is talking pennies.........maybe..........

 

[steve1234]

The Glasgow Rangers foreign scout flew to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and was so impressed he arranged for him to come over to Scotland . He signed for a one-year contract and the kid joined the team pre-season.



Two weeks later Rangers were down 2-0 to Celtic with only 10 minutes left. The coach gave the young Iraqi the nod and he went on. The kid was a sensation - scored 3 goals in 10 minutes and won the game for Rangers!

The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media are in love with the new star.



When the player came off the pitch he phoned his mum to tell her about his first day of Scottish Premier League football. "Hello mum, guess what?" I played for 10 minutes today when we were 2-0 down, but I scored 3 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media...



"Wonderful," said his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters. And all of that while you were having such a great time."



The young Iraqi was very upset. "What can I say mum, I'm so sorry."



"Sorry? You're sorry?" says his mum, "It's your fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Great signing by Strachan........


BBC SPORT | Football | My Club | Celtic | Maloney returns full of regrets


Another squad player in..........and still no starting left-back, striker,

 

[Captain Shamrock]

FT Aberdeen [1 - 1] Rangers

24' [0 - 1] D. Weir

45' [1 - 1] D. Young



Now let's see if Celtic can actually play one good game.......Humpty McDonald is out with an 'injury' which is good........hopefully he's off to a weight loss clinic.

Samaras is starting as is Loovens for Caldwell allegedly......time will tell.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Business as usual.........

Clydesdale Bank Premier League Table
23 August 2008 17:16
P GD PTS
1 Celtic 3 4 7
2 Rangers 3 3 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 Kilmarnock 3 2 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4 Hamilton 3 2 6
5 Hearts 3 0 6
6 Inverness CT 3 1 4
7 Hibernian 3 0 4
8 Aberdeen 3 -1 4
9 Dundee Utd 3 -2 2
10 Motherwell 3 -2 1
11 St Mirren 3 -2 1

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12 Falkirk 3 -5 0




Once again, Celtic are very fortunate......a hand ball by McManus on the first goal and Samaras was at least a yard offside for the second goal.......Makes one wonder what's instore for next week's clash against Rangers.......

 

[johnnybluenose]

"Since the season started, we've been hearing that the Old Firm get all the decisions," Smith continued.

That was a blinder...How many times have we (either side of the OF) been on the receiving side of the fortuitous mishaps by officials, but an offside given, clear as day onside, in injury time?! Surely a tim

CelticParanoiaFeelsDirtyLoyal

 

[Captain Shamrock]

JBN, I will be posting several decisions which have gone Rangers way over the years.....the most blatant being Dundee United last season.

I'm always honest about getting breaks.......and Celtic have received several already but it is about 100 less than what Rangers have received over the years.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Business as usual.........

Clydesdale Bank Premier League Table
23 August 2008 17:16
P GD PTS
1 Celtic 3 4 7
2 Rangers 3 3 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 Kilmarnock 3 2 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4 Hamilton 3 2 6
5 Hearts 3 0 6
6 Inverness CT 3 1 4
7 Hibernian 3 0 4
8 Aberdeen 3 -1 4
9 Dundee Utd 3 -2 2
10 Motherwell 3 -2 1
11 St Mirren 3 -2 1

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12 Falkirk 3 -5 0




Once again, Celtic are very fortunate......a hand ball by McManus on the first goal and Samaras was at least a yard offside for the second goal.......Makes one wonder what's instore for next week's clash against Rangers.......

Upon further review, Samaras' first goal definitely was NOT offside, so I don't feel as bad now. Only the one break this game.


http://i37.tinypic.com/20fuo11.jpg



http://i37.tinypic.com/2hrjreu.jpg


:thumbup:

 

[ParkHead]

Just checkin Lean to see if our anuual bet is on again this year. The bhoys first big match of the year is this weekend. As for your guys they might have had an important game or 2 earlier i think can't be sure though.

 

[Rangerforever]

Who is this 'Lean' fellow?

Actually, who is this 'Parkhead' lad?


Get tae fcuk Hoopy Hound - Rangers 2 Celtic 1

Mendes is going to school the Tic's midfield and Kenny's going to stuff it to them and notch a brace.

COME ON RANGERS

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Entertaining stuff, RF.


I'm predicting a DRAW........as there hasn't been on in a long time.......


Of course this depends on who Sir Strachan puts on the field to start and finish the game.......I've heard he's going with a 4 - 5 - 1........nice one.


0 - 0 Loyal

 

[ParkHead]

RF you must have forgotten the rules already. Clearly you have had a bit much. It goes PUFF PUFF PASS not PUFF PUFF PUFF. Although it is understandable having to watch that mob play.

A draw is on the cards but a late strike by the bhoys will stun your lot! i can picture those growling mugs now!


Come on the HOOPS!!theonlytimeilookforwardtogettingoutofbedat4am

 

[johnnybluenose]

Yeah, I will got to work Bartending on saturday evening and then go to tim hortons to kill an hour before descending on the RSC#1 for the 4:30 kick off!

cannae wait!

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Yeah, I will got to work Bartending on saturday evening and then go to tim hortons to kill an hour before descending on the RSC#1 for the 4:30 kick off!

cannae wait!

JBN, this is the only game you actually go to, right?


Channel 67 CSC

 

[johnnybluenose]

Yeah...

This year anyways...I am working two jobs at the moment, so I will pull the all nighter for this one...Have watched the others on the web or on tape delay on Setanta mid week.