The best Simpsons' episodes and quotes

[Captain Shamrock]

Good thread......

And ze following employees have been laid off, in alphabetical order: Simpson, Homa, Zat iz all.

Another thing the Germans tried to take over, but were unsuccessful.

Johnny, I love the way you hustle. You are a great hustler. That is what makes it so hard to cut you. You're cut.

Homer's debut as a football coach.


Too many good quotes........

 

[One Dart]

This one's for the Captain...

Saw this one today...

Mr Burns opens the Casino, he's walking on the boardwalk with Mayor Quimby reminiscing about his youth.

On the boardwalk...

Mr Burns: hahahahahahahahahahahah

In Church...

Mr Burns: hahahahahahahahahahahah

In the shower...

Mr Burns: hahahahahahahahahahahah

At work...

Mr Burns:hahahahahahahahahahahah, what was I laughing about again? Oh yes, that crippled Irishman. hahahahahaha

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Yes, that was ANOTHER classic.......

 

[Pylon]

At the dinner table, Lisa is frustrated by Homer's lack of sympathy for her "don't eat meat" stand.

Lisa: "Dad, you just don't understand!"
Homer: "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

Episode where Bart sees the gremlin tearing up the side of the bus. Can't remember the exact dialogue.

Bart: "Milhouse, look out the window."
Milhouse: "No way. If I turn my back, I leave myself open to gaunchy pulls, (something else), or the dreaded Rear Admiral."

What the heck is a Rear Admiral???

And in the same episode, Ooter offers Bart some candy "mit iodine".


Any episode with Troy McLure, Barney burping, or grouds-keeper Willy. Any episode where Conan O'Brien worked on the script.

 

[Pylon]

Re: Duffless

And when they went to the factory, there were various vats of different types of Duff beer, but one pipe feeding them all. Also, when it was time to go, Barney wasn't finished as he still had to try "strawberry Duff, tartar control duff,...".

Really cracked me up when Barney leaned out and shouted, in his back-throat Barney voice "Give him the breathalyzer!".

Originally posted by Regs
Anyone remember the episode where Homer skipped work to take a Duff Brewery tour? Homer gets arrested for D&D... Classic

Homer: [standing on one foot and singing "The Alphabet Song"] W, X, Y, and Z. Now I know my ABCs, won't you come and play with me.

Eddie: Flawless.

Lou: We also would have accepted, "tell me what you think of me."

Eddie: Well, I guess your free to...

Barney: Give him the breathalyzer!

Homer: Huh? [Eddie sticks it in Homer's mouth. It beeps]

Lou: You're under arrest!

Homer: D'oh!

 

[Screw You Captain]

oh Willy, will you ever win?

Skinner to Bart (more or less): "Bart, you'll be doing a month of the lowest work possible: janitorial work.:

Willy: "Ah jeez, sir. I'm standin' rrrrright here!"

Also, Sideshow Bob on trial.

Lawyer: "How many of you are thinking about killing Selma right now? Be honest..."

 

[fat monkey]

Groundskeeper Willy

Due to school cutbacks, Willy is teaching French.


Bonjourrrrrrrrrrr! You cheese eatin banana monkeys!

 

[Jinky]

Try again.

It's "Bonjourrrrrrrrrrr! You cheese eatin surrender monkeys."

I think.

" No one who speaks german could be an evil man "

 

[Captain Shamrock]

"You'll pass fourth grade this year, Bart. And if you don't, at least you'll be the biggest kid in your class."

 

[SC]

Bastard, Bastard, Bastard,

Bart: Bastard
Homer: Bart
Bart: Bastard, Bastard, Bastard, Bastard, Bastard

Ex-cel-lent screen writing!

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Superintendent Chalmers: Well Seymour, things certainly appear to be in order this year. Why don't I just ask this kid a question about the American Revolution.....

Skinner: Why don't you ask this young lady?(Lisa)

SI Chalm - When was the Battle of Bighorn?(I'm not sure of the exact question

Lisa - Whatever the right answer was.....

Ralph : What's a battle?

SIC - What did that boy just say?

Skinner: He was saying that there is a quite a rattle in the roof.

SIC: It sounded like battle........

 

[Keeper]

Shoe's on the other foot

That was the worst quoting of Simpsons dialogue I've ever heard. That was a right fine job of taking all the humour out of it. Now I know how you feel after I post a small-nugget brunette.
Mr. Burns: What's that island there, Smithers?
Smithers: That's Cuba, sir.
Mr. Burns: Well, take us down then.
Smithers: You're flying the plane, sir.
Mr. Burns: Ex-cellent.

 

[deb]

some more classics

"Hi, you've reached the Corey hot-line. $4.95 a minute. Here are some words that rhyme with Corey: Gory. Story. Allegory. Montessori....."

And........


Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here comes the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are Stick-E-Mart,
Lisa: They make Dad Sick-E-Mart,
Bart: Let's hurl a Brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real...[D'oh!]

 

[tiner]

who needs the qwik - e - mart.....

Homer: he lied to us through song! i hate it when they do that!!!

the whole stampy episode is absolute class...


and of course ........ homer checking the value of his shares..i forget the start but

phone voice: up 3 cents

homer : yahoooo!

phone voice: up 5 cents

homer : what is this crap???!!!

phone voice: Fox studios...down 10 cents.

a question....why was Bart digging the hole?????????

 

[sensei_hanson]

Marge to Lionel Hutz: "But your card says 'Works on contingency, no money down.'"

(Hutz takes the card and scribbles on it to read "Works on contingency? No, money down!")

Marge: "So you don't work on contingency?"

Hutz: "No. Money down!"

That one was pretty good. Another:

Moe: "Okay, you're fighting a guy named Boxcar Bob."

Homer: "Brawled his way up from the boxcars, did he?"

Moe: "Uh, no, not yet, he still lives at the trainyard. But he's a
hungry young fighter. In fact, he's actually fighting for a
sandwich."

 

[sensei_hanson]

More...

...after Milhouse's parents split up at a Simpson dinner party:

Marge: I feel terrible. The Van Houtens split up at our party.

Homer: Marge, please, that was twenty minutes ago.

Marge: I shouldn't have served those North Korean fortune cookies. They were so insulting: "You are a coward." No one likes to hear that after a nice meal.

Homer: You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

...and this one. Poor Kirk Van Houten. After losing his wife, he's fired from the cracke company.

Kirk: You're letting me go?!

Boss: Kirk, crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.

Kirk: So that's it, after twenty years: "So long, good luck"?

Boss: I don't recall saying "good luck."

 

[Keeper]

Television Announcer:

"The preceding program contained scenes of extreme violence and should not have been viewed by young children."

 

[Keeper]

Deep Space Homer

Scientist: "On this mission we have a mathematician, a different kind of mathematician, and a statistician."

-----------------------------

Kent Brochman: "This Shuttle mission is studying the effects of weightlessness on tiny little screws."
Announcer: "Fascinating Kent...and this has literally millions of applications...from watch manufacturing to watch repair."

-----------------------------

Reporter: Uh, a question for the barbeque chef. Don't you think there is an inherent danger in sending underqualified civilians into space?
Homer: I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to [ominous] that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute . . . Statue of Liberty . . . that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

 

[Notty]

Abe Simpson is in seniors driving school…Chief Wiggam is teaching the class

Wiggam: Kind of Ironic, the organs now keeping these people alive are from the same people that they ran over!

Beauty!

~Notty

 

[One Dart]

Ah Homer...

Milhouse: I spy with my little eye something that starts with D

Nelson: Dingus (hits Milhouse on the head and knocks him out)

Homer: God Bless You Nelson Muntz