The best Simpsons' episodes and quotes

[sensei_hanson]

When legalized gambling hits Springfield.

Lisa: Dad, Mom said she'd be home to help me with my costume and she's not, and the geography pageant is tonight!
Homer: Lisa, your mom still loves you. It's just that she has a career now. She's a slot-jockey.
Lisa: But Dad, if I don't show up in a rubber suit shaped like the state of Florida, I'll be the laughing-stock of the whole school!
Homer: Oh, it's always something, isn't it? First I have to drive your pregnant mother to the hospital so she can give birth to you. And now this.

chaos ensues....

Homer: Hello, Florida! (tapes an orange to her, but it falls off)
Lisa: I'm not a state, I'm a monster!
Homer: No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

 

[sensei_hanson]

Homer becomes a night-school teacher

Marge: Homer, I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class.

Homer: Marge, I didn't tell 'em personal stuff.

Marge: Today at the Kwik-E-Mart everybody knew I dyed my hair!

Homer: Oh, you mean about you. All right, maybe I said some things, some personal things. But you should have seen them, Marge - they really wanted to hear what I had to say.

Marge: Mmm, I'm happy about that. But I think you can be a good teacher and still respect our privacy.

Homer: Look, Marge, you don't know what it's like. I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order. The whole freaking system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown.

Marge: Homer, don't ever tell them personal stuff about me again!

Homer: Yes ma'am.

 

[Keeper]

Notty, that one's great: Homer at the click of a mouse.'

My favourites:
"mmmmmmm . . . organized crime."
"Datsa nica edonut." (Italian accent)
"Boooooobies."
and of course, "Woo hoo" and "Doh!"

 

[knvb]

Does anyone remember the episode where the teachers were on Strike and Bart was running about trying to prolong it? That's one of my fav's, but I can't remember the best lines from the old guys holding the paddle.

Something about "looking at my sandals oooooo you better believe that's a paddlen"

Help?

 

[Keeper]

It was on just a couple of days ago

Jasper: Talking out of turn . . . that's a paddlin'. Looking out the window . . . that's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals . . . that's a paddlin'. Paddling the school canoe . . . ooh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

 

[Keeper]

New Episode tonight

Homer: "I'm giving up anger forever."
Marge: "If you asked me, it should be fatty foods."
Homer: "I SAID ANGER!!!"

 

[One Dart]

Last Night, Ah Homer

I take a whiskey drink, I take a chocolate drink, and when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink. (sung to chumbawamba)

 

[paulie555]

The one where homer is explaining the bird and the bees to Bart and he gets drunk.

"Women are a lot like a... refridgerator... they're six feet tall... 300 pounds.... no wait... women are a lot like a beer..."

 

[deb]

the sad thing is, i teach kids like this

FBI Agent: Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson!
Homer, looking down at his foot in confusion, stage-whispers to other FBI agent: I think he's talking to you.
Cape Feare

 

[tiner]

heart surgery

lisa imagining homer in heaven
"cloud goes up, cloud goes down,cloud goes up, cloud goes down,cloud goes up, cloud goes down,cloud goes up, cloud goes down"

 

[Keeper]

Classic clip.

 

[The Teacher]

simpson quotes - Ralph!

One cannot exclude much of Ralph Wiggam's comments including the notable -
"my cat's breath smells like cat food"
and
"um...I glued my head to my shoulder"

 

[The Teacher]

Homer:
"OH..Side SHOW Bob"

 

[Regs]

Closing credits:

Who let the jugs out?

Fcuk there were some good bits in tonight's episode

~Regs.

 

[Keeper]

Regs, did you happen to see this year's Halloween special? If not, I recommend finding it on Kazaa/etc. Best in recent years.

 

[Regs]

Nope, but I'll search for it this week

~Regs.

 

[The Teacher]

Did they really sing "who let the jugs out?"
Just when you thought you'd seen it all...

 

[Notty]

I believe the verse was

"Who let the jugs out...D’oh...D’oh...D’oh...D’oh!"
"Marge let her jugs out...D’oh...D’oh...D’oh...D’oh!"

 

[Regs]

Notty has it Well, in print anyways...

~Regs.

 

[Keeper]

300th

So who else saw it? Not an all-time classic by any means, but certainly proof that the show hasn't lost it's steam over the years.

Bart: Mom, I'm sick of the way he treats me! He disrespects me and I'm just supposed to accept it?

Homer: That's right, you're mine 'til you're eighteen. And when you're seventeen, I'm gonna know that the end is near, so I'll work you like a dog!