Inside the TTP Closet Part 17.87863653550977 – The Umpire Strikes Bat.

Into the TTP Closet then?


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TheRob

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This is my first and hopefully last Inside the TTP Closet thingy. As such, I plan on bending the rules. Why? 1 – because I can. 2 – because rules are meant to be bent and quite possibly broken. So fcuk’em. Got it? Good. Here we go

1 – Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow.

These two guys together are going to collectively fcuk us out of hockey next year and possibly years after that. Hockey is religion here in Canada and as fans we deserve better. Bettman says the owners are going broke. No one believes him. Goodenow says the players aren’t overpaid. Bullshit. If there isn’t a season next year, I’m going to snap, possibly kill someone or something, and I’m going to hold these two yum yum’s responsible. Into the closet with the both of them. Cnuts. :mad:

2 – The Freeloading TTPers

You all know who you are. You are the idiots who refuse to pay a small easily affordable fee to help TTP stay afloat. You are the ones who say you will just go somewhere else if one day it’s gone, or you are forced to pay. Like the two wankers listed above, you are all cnuts. The lot of ya. Into the closet with you all. :mad:

3 – The PAU Nation

As that annoying pop up here on TTP reads, “Karma’s a bitch innit?” In this case, that is soooooooo true. Last year The Nation won the FVSL Premier League title. They then proceeded to let everyone know about it. Weeks, and months went by, and still the felt the need to tell everyone they were champions. They’re not anymore. They won’t even gain a provincial birth. It looks good on them. Into the TTP Closet! 1 year! :D

4 – Janet Jackson

Her only mistake was showing her breast in front of millions of Americans on American soil. She should have done it up here. We would have been much more receptive. I’d like to put her in my closet, but I suppose the TTP one will do. Too bad.

5 - The MacDonalds “I’m Lovin’ it” Commercials

I hate these damn commercials. I love their food, and I can’t stop eating it and it shows, but I hate the fcuking commercials. One in particular sticks out. The one where the MILFS go watch their daughters at dance class. In the other room behind one way glass, a studly type guy is dancing alone. The MILFS all giggle and watch then decide their daughters dancing is more interesting. Could you imagine if that commercial was reversed? Put guys in there watching a chick dance. The public outcry from women’s groups would be incredible. There would be lawsuits and apologies flying left right and centre. Now, all those commercials suck, but that one brutal. Because of it, they can get in the freaking TTP Closet.


There you have it. The angriest Inside the TTP Closet ever. I’m just a bitter guy. Not witty at all. Just very bitter. :mad:
 

Saint

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TheRob said:
2 – The Freeloading TTPers

You all know who you are. You are the idiots who refuse to pay a small easily affordable fee to help TTP stay afloat. You are the ones who say you will just go somewhere else if one day it’s gone, or you are forced to pay. Like the two wankers listed above, you are all cnuts. The lot of ya. Into the closet with you all. :mad:

While I agree with Rob’s second selection, I fear that he’s not thought his argument through. If you’ll indulge me: how will you get the money off of them if they’re in the closet?

Although I do agree: cnuts the lot of ‘em.
 

Keeper

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Errr, uuumm . . . "I'm Lovin' It" is already in the closet. Can't vote for something that already in there. Try again.

#1: With all of Bettman's philosophical mutterings about the metaphysical non-existence of a "free-market economy", I'm happy to give my vote based on him alone. Adding Goodenow into the mix just makes it a slam dunk.

#2: Can't disagree here. Mind you, as I stutter-step through my own financial mine-field, I suppose I'll be voting from the inside . . . . or not at all.

#3: I have more interest in Sensei's NBA thread than the FVSL. Which is none. No vote here.

#4: If some woman wants to show me her breast(s), who am I to shun her? Even gay men can appreciate a boob for art's sake, so what's wrong with you?
 

TheRob

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Keeper,

I said I was going to break the rules and I did. Three people could have stuck those damn MacDonalds commercials in the closet. I would have done it again anyway.

As for Janet. Read it again. Career student.:rolleyes:

Saint,

If the TTP Freeloaders are in the closet, we won't have to go far to get cash from them. Know what I mean?
 

Fastshow

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Re: Inside the TTP Closet Part 17.87863653550977 – The Umpire Strikes Bat.



I fcuking hate people who break the rules.



1 – Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow.

Gary Bettman is an American Spurs supporter. How did he end up in charge of the NHL? Fcuking cnut's got the kind of face that just begs to be slapped. Bring back Eagleson with Don Cherry as his deputy.

While I know what you mean, I don't think you'll find hockey is actually a religion in Canada. Or anywhere else. You won't, for instance, hear of the RCMP being hauled up on discrimination charges as a result of a hockey player refusing to take his helmet off for his induction into the RCMP. Hockey will go the same way as football in the UK; the silly money will have to stop and they'll find themselves leftover with a huge glut of not-very-good players used to being millionaires and getting shagged at the Roxy.

If you haven't any hockey to watch next season, I'm intrigued to what you intend to do. You say you'll, '... snap, possibly kill someone or something.' I find this far too vague since, if you don't in fact kill anyone (and if you are, indeed, serious about that I have a list of potentially suitable candidates for you... see topic 2), there are an infinite number of, 'or somethings' for you to choose from. Should 'they' take away your hockey, for instance, you could go and sit in the garden or consider writing poetic stanzas to submit to the Globe and Mail. Be more precise with your insanity. Thanks.

I watched 'Hockey Day in Canada' on NASN (Sky Channel 420) on Sunday. It was shite. When did the Northland's Coliseum stop being called the Northland's Coliseum? How predictable was it that the Canucks would lose against the Oilers? What the fcuk is that abortion-like kit the Oilers are wearing and why did they piss about with their club crest?

For those reasons, your suggestion is closet-bound.

2 – The Freeloading TTPers

Scum the lot of them. Those who have been members and have not had time to renew are exempt from my vitriol. My stance is fairly well documented on this issue. I've contacted the Globe and Mail with my poem about it too. Going 'somewhere else' is a good one. Where, for instance? Even Saint's a member now. How far we've come.........

The closet's too good for this lot, if they're as skint as they'd like us to believe, we'd be doing them a fcuking favour by putting them there.



3 – The PAU Nation

One of few things in the world on which I have no opinion. I genuinely couldn't care less and apathy is not something I'm particularly comfortable with. It's a shite-bag name for a football side and I have no idea what it stands for though could, were I to care, hazard a guess.



4 – Janet Jackson

I would strenuously argue that the only Jackson to have been actually born a woman made far more mistakes than actually getting her nork out on American telly. Getting her tit out to that cnut Timberbollocks was a shrewd career move as, let's be honest, no one listens to her fcuking music do they? She's now achieved the kind of notoriety and infamy her brother (pick any one of the twats but the obvious one will do if you can't remember Tito's name) would die for. And I wish he would. Were she to go into the TTP Closet we'd only be sending her for the Freeloading TTP'ers to play with. Being raging homosexuals to a man, she'd be wasted on them. Fine, talked me into it, in she goes.



5 - The MacDonalds "I’m Lovin’ it" Commercials

I can't remember what I wrote last time but it will do this time. I also have no idea what a 'MILFS' is. I am all for causing outcry in women's groups, though. Easy to wind up those poor cows. While I haven't seen the advert of which you write, I have seen enough in my time to imagine one reversed. Unless yours is profoundly different, wouldn't it be the same except backwards? Your fifth submission will go into the closet because it didn't upset women's groups when you have suggested it could have. McDonald's missed a bet there.

 

Dapotayto

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Bettman and Goodenow : Egad (out-of-date British exclamation of surprise), these two fellows are charming, humorous types who never fail to entertain and amuse. I'm certain that if there were no NHL collective agreement negotations to keep them busy they could find work on the Yuk-Yuk's circuit with Fastshow and his latest (most recent, not deadest) comedic partner Lou Costello. With Dude being the warm-up comedian and providing umpteen laughs with his "Knvb's a cnut" routine, Bettman and Goodenow would be a perfect fit in the second slot with their "Poor me, Poor us" rigamarole. Actually, come to think of it, I'd rather watch a mime perform Shakesperean tragedies at six in the morning whilst drinking chamomile tea, knitting sweaters and listening to a poet recite Sid's collection of TTP posts from beginning to end. Speaking of tea, where would one pick up some nice strumpets for this afternoon? I am feeling a little randy.

Freeloading TTPers : Have they no shame? If they are really that broke just go down to one of the pay-parking lots downtown. There is always some sort of vagabond there with a stolen credit card willing to use it for a small fee. That's what I did. Worked like a peach. Those fcuking peaches are hard workers, unlike most of the TTP freeloaders.

PAU Nation : Er, ah, what? Who the fcuk are they? Are they like Janet Jackson's dance nation? No commento, Senor.

Janet Jackson : Anyone that offends all of the American right-wing Christians in one fell swoop is allright with me.

McDonald's Commercials :Fastshow, MILF stands for a Mother I would Like to Fcuk. In Britishese or Londish, whichever it is you speak, it would be MIFF or Mother I Fancy Fcuking. There are other variants also, such as a MIWFWHD or Mother I Wouldn't Fcuk With Hos's Dick and a MIWFITH, a Mother I'd Fcuk If I Was Totally Hammered. The point is, though, that I have no problem with MILFs. They can stay out of the closet. C'mon Rob lighten up on the Mommies, man. Be nice, like me.
 

Dude

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Bettman and Goodenow : They’re both cnuts, but the hate-on I have for Goodenow outweighs the hate-on for Bettman.

Fcuk it- throw the twats in.


Freeloading TTPers: Absolutely agree. Keeps: get yourself on the TTP payment plan. For only $2.92 / month, you can keep yourself out of the closet. Really, at that price, you only have to skip one Tall Chai Tea every 30 days.


PAU Nation: not a chance. They laughed at my “KNVB’s a Cnut” gag.


Janet Jackson: And let Bettman, Goodenow, and all the freeloaders have her to themselves? No way.


McDonald's Commercials: Although I have no problems with MILFs, (or TILFs, for that matter), the ads drive me to eat White Meat Chicken McNuggets. Since there’s a Tim Horton’s next to McD’s, that means a visit there, too. And, since it doesn’t make sense to just buy one doughnut, I have to get a half dozen. It’s a vicious circle…into the closet they go.
 

trece verde

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Gripe, gripe, gripe.....

1) Throw 'em both in, but throw Bettman in first to test the shark-infested waters. Hopefully Bonzai Bob will have a change of heart, and our national obsession can get back to its rightful place in our Saturday-evening-patriots' hearts. Fasty: the Oilers' logo thingy is supposed to be a combination of a drop of oil and a gear. Why? Because slightly after the fact, the NHL figured out that they could make more merchandising lucre by having more stuff to market. Just like the FA teams with the Sheffield Thursday jerseys (need them in all colours, don't you know)... Northlands stopped being called that when Rexall put enough money up to sate the greed of municipal politico. Nice having your home ice named after a drug store...

2) As one of the frequently-maligned freeloaders, I resemble that remark.... yes, my cheque's in the mail, and it'll definitely get there before Captain Skinflint's.... Can't afford to alienate all of us (after all, where will the new premium members come from?), so be gentle when bulldozing us into the closet.

3) Only if it makes Mr. Toes be quiet. Have nothing personal against PAU (haven't played them within recent memory, and the length of my playing career is measured geologically). Let 'em stay out, unless they don't have a sense of humour.

4) Janet Jackson: can she be put into my closet instead? Please? Even if she is half-plastic, any woman wearing nipple clips at her age can still hold my interest.... "Control" takes on a new meaning.......:D

5) McDonald's is a deserving candidate, just for being McDonald's. It's been a long struggle deprogramming my kids from their crap....:mad: The commercials are hellishly effective, one must admit, on the average targetted viewer. I had to reach over and slap Mrs. Stew back to reality when she started drooling slack-jawed over the male dancer, and take the remote away from her. It was scary; she stared blankly at me for a second, blinked, and then asked me if she was snoring again....

beers,

stew:cool:
 

knvb

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Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow are twats and will destroy the NHL's good standing if they don't pull their collective heads out. The problem is they'll be getting paid weather the season starts next year or not. They're the lowest form of employee next to BBY city workers. They get paid weather they go to work or not too, only, the city worker has 40 more sick days. They'll be a perfect fit for the closet, no one will even know they're gone. Betman or Goodenow either.


The TTP free loader are just a clever covert operations name for the American's secret task force. They're here looking for piss takes of mass destruction only they've run across Dazza and where convinced they're none to be found. I'll vote them in to the closet only because they've taken Dazza away from here to run some tests. I think the midnight mist lip stick looks best on him...though causes a nasty rash.

PAU Nation - not a chance they'll stay out. They're the only ones that laughed at Dudes “KNVB’s a Cnut” gag. Twice.

Janet Jackson - I can't possibly vote her in to the closet with the likes of Guinness, Cainy and Aves. I simply wouldn't be able to live with myself if I found out she learned her brothers new game ruba - ruba and they got to play. Sorry, you can stay our here where I can keep an eyes on you young lady.

McDonalds commericals as irritating as they are, with-out them I would probably lose my Fat Kid Combo Friday addiction and I can't have that.
 

knvb

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Fcuk sakes...

You know, it's sad when a such a good thread, a thread that promotes for the most part, wonderful creative writing and humor gets put in it's own closet for Space Invaders and monkey's in space ships. Don't get me wrong I like the Arcade, but come on people, let's remember why where here.
 

Dapotayto

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Why are we here, isn't that the age old question along with are we alone?
What is the meaning of life? Not even Fastshow knows the answer to those.
 

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