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Re: BC Provincial Cup Masters: Semi-Finals Banter and Predictions
For those of you who don't get Fox Sports World, TSN, or Sportsnet Pacific, West, Ontario, or East, do not have access to the FIFA website, read the papers, or are personal friends with Walks, KNVB, Mrs. Sir M, or SMEPR staffers Gerry Dobson and Carl Fletcher, it is a Columbus FC (VMSL, last week's ranking: 2) vs. SFC Rangers (FVSL, last week's ranking: 3) in the final over in Nanaimo on May 26.
After a marathon session with Excellent Rankings staff, and after much heated debate, it is has been decided that, this week, in lieu of Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings, we are again rolling out the...
Sir M's In Depth Comparison of the Excellent Finalists.
First off, staff notes that both teams are hotter than you know who's temper when Sir M strolled in sans Audi at 11 last night and a couple hundred bucks lighter after saying he was going to pick up her Halcion prescription at 9 in the morning...Note to self, Sir M, if you have to be home before noon don't "drop by" for a coffee with Bailey's at Dickens', then grab a ride with Spada to CAP, then lunch and lose at pool at Cloverdale Station, then watch 2 and a half games, then racetrack (lose $150), and next Stevie M's for pints and 5 hours of foosball, (lose again, cut knuckles) then Spadas, Queen's Cross, (lose at video poker) watch one of your mates steal some bloke's motorcycle helmet and run around the pub chanting "look at me I'm a storm trooper!" while you cover your eyes and then walk of shame home 14 hours after you left the house... But enough of that now. More importantly, staff have come up with some comparisons of the two excellent finalists:
Columbus is 13-1-1 in their last 15 games, only dropping points to West Van in the process. 37 goals for, 14 goals against during this spell. Have defeated Sapperton Rovers, Nanaimo, UVic and Surrey United in their last four games.
Rangers are 13-1-1 in their last 15 games, only dropping points to GEU and Aldergrove in the process. 43 goals for, 16 against during this spell. Have defeated Sapperton Old Boys, Coveside, PAU, and Aldergrove in their last four games.
Goaltenders
Rangers: Tony is certainly solid in goal for SFC, and is a crowd favourite (although truth be told, not nearly as much as "man of the people" as they call him in Newton, Rangerforever). Or it could be Penner in the final, certainly an entertaining goaltender, actually worth the price of admission, some say. Staff now wonder about Rangerforever though: all of sudden he is running up front for this side. After Saturday's influential performance, staff are calling this big striker the Hernan Crespo of Master's football.
Columbus: Trevor Jones has been a welcome addition to Columbus this year to shore up their goaltending. It is unclear who the backup is for this side.
Edge: Rangers.
Defenders
Rangers: Baileys and Big Macs...but enough about Sir M's breakfast of yesterday. Surrey has a big and strong back line that is good in the air, and well organized. Are suspect when they are run at, staff report.
Columbus: F.Ciaccia is a proven leader in the back. Staff report that Belifiore is close to being back. Are relatively small, height-wise anyway, but form very much the build up for the attack for this team.
Edge: Rangers, unless Belifiore is fit. In that case, even.
Midfielders
Rangers: This side has a strong central midfield: Wilkensen is a very good distributor of the ball and Parno is a large person who runs marathons and plays hockey as well. The latter of the two is very fit, according to staff.
Columbus: Staff advise that this side has arguably the best midfield of Masters teams that train at Adanac. Both Sarge and Sal have been on fire of late.
Edge: Columbus
Forwards
Rangers: Futbol is still a force up front for this team, and no one can argue that his supporting cast of Coach, 5BT's, Rangerforever et al, are formidable and predatory attackers. Staff are concerned about the possibility of the reckless bald player who wears eye black getting sent off in the final, as he certainly dodged a bullet in the semi-final.
Columbus: #19 Kolbow is on a definite hot streak, having scored around 5 or 6 goals in this tournament. He (or Sarge) may have been the best player on the pitch in either game yesterday. Staff are concerned that Batista came off early, but having said that, Columbus were still extremely dangerous.
Edge: Columbus
Coaching
At the risk of upsetting the Columbus coach, who may or may not be Hose, Sir M is going to give the edge to SFC on this one, based on passion alone. Columbus do get a lot of coaching on the field by #10. Staff strongly recommend that Coach should coach in the final. From the sidelines.
Edge: Rangers
Intangibles:
Contrary to many fans' comments of yesterday: this game is the final. A classic matchup really: Columbus is vulnerable to teams that are good in the air, and that certainly describes Rangers. Rangers are vulnerable against teams that run at them, and that certainly describes Columbus. Both teams have won Provincial Cups in recent years, and both are definitely on a roll. And staff are going out on a limb here and predicting that this game will be more entertaining than last year's final. Staff, not unlike SCDMTC Blonde after a hot yoga class, are really struggling to separate the two. So, as a final deciding factor, staff are making the unprecedented move of deciding this one based on:
Best Hair:
Rangers: Pretty well everyone on this team is bald. And that is not a criticism, but that one guy with the moustache and the Biggs-like little tail at the back? Three words: Shave it off.
Columbus: There are a lot of salt and pepper (very dear to Sir M's heart) types on this team, the two Sarge brothers and Columbus' George Clooney lookalike in the back just to name a few. #19 has got an excellent sort of SCK hair thing going. But the star of the team is the barrel chested #9 (Sir M was going to say "Pussy" lookalike, but was appropriately cautioned by staff legal advisor Mrs. Gurps that this could be misinterpreted by some who may not be fans of The Sopranos) with the outstanding full head of hair appropriatley rinsed with Lupoman #3 (midnight).
Edge: Columbus
Sir M's Excellent Predicted BC Masters Champs:
Columbus F.C.
For the same reason that Milan (Nesta, Kaka, Maldini) beat Man U (John O'Shea, Wes Brown, Rooney ):
Way better hair.
Good luck to both teams.
For those of you who don't get Fox Sports World, TSN, or Sportsnet Pacific, West, Ontario, or East, do not have access to the FIFA website, read the papers, or are personal friends with Walks, KNVB, Mrs. Sir M, or SMEPR staffers Gerry Dobson and Carl Fletcher, it is a Columbus FC (VMSL, last week's ranking: 2) vs. SFC Rangers (FVSL, last week's ranking: 3) in the final over in Nanaimo on May 26.
After a marathon session with Excellent Rankings staff, and after much heated debate, it is has been decided that, this week, in lieu of Sir M's Excellent Power Rankings, we are again rolling out the...
Sir M's In Depth Comparison of the Excellent Finalists.
First off, staff notes that both teams are hotter than you know who's temper when Sir M strolled in sans Audi at 11 last night and a couple hundred bucks lighter after saying he was going to pick up her Halcion prescription at 9 in the morning...Note to self, Sir M, if you have to be home before noon don't "drop by" for a coffee with Bailey's at Dickens', then grab a ride with Spada to CAP, then lunch and lose at pool at Cloverdale Station, then watch 2 and a half games, then racetrack (lose $150), and next Stevie M's for pints and 5 hours of foosball, (lose again, cut knuckles) then Spadas, Queen's Cross, (lose at video poker) watch one of your mates steal some bloke's motorcycle helmet and run around the pub chanting "look at me I'm a storm trooper!" while you cover your eyes and then walk of shame home 14 hours after you left the house... But enough of that now. More importantly, staff have come up with some comparisons of the two excellent finalists:
Columbus is 13-1-1 in their last 15 games, only dropping points to West Van in the process. 37 goals for, 14 goals against during this spell. Have defeated Sapperton Rovers, Nanaimo, UVic and Surrey United in their last four games.
Rangers are 13-1-1 in their last 15 games, only dropping points to GEU and Aldergrove in the process. 43 goals for, 16 against during this spell. Have defeated Sapperton Old Boys, Coveside, PAU, and Aldergrove in their last four games.
Goaltenders
Rangers: Tony is certainly solid in goal for SFC, and is a crowd favourite (although truth be told, not nearly as much as "man of the people" as they call him in Newton, Rangerforever). Or it could be Penner in the final, certainly an entertaining goaltender, actually worth the price of admission, some say. Staff now wonder about Rangerforever though: all of sudden he is running up front for this side. After Saturday's influential performance, staff are calling this big striker the Hernan Crespo of Master's football.
Columbus: Trevor Jones has been a welcome addition to Columbus this year to shore up their goaltending. It is unclear who the backup is for this side.
Edge: Rangers.
Defenders
Rangers: Baileys and Big Macs...but enough about Sir M's breakfast of yesterday. Surrey has a big and strong back line that is good in the air, and well organized. Are suspect when they are run at, staff report.
Columbus: F.Ciaccia is a proven leader in the back. Staff report that Belifiore is close to being back. Are relatively small, height-wise anyway, but form very much the build up for the attack for this team.
Edge: Rangers, unless Belifiore is fit. In that case, even.
Midfielders
Rangers: This side has a strong central midfield: Wilkensen is a very good distributor of the ball and Parno is a large person who runs marathons and plays hockey as well. The latter of the two is very fit, according to staff.
Columbus: Staff advise that this side has arguably the best midfield of Masters teams that train at Adanac. Both Sarge and Sal have been on fire of late.
Edge: Columbus
Forwards
Rangers: Futbol is still a force up front for this team, and no one can argue that his supporting cast of Coach, 5BT's, Rangerforever et al, are formidable and predatory attackers. Staff are concerned about the possibility of the reckless bald player who wears eye black getting sent off in the final, as he certainly dodged a bullet in the semi-final.
Columbus: #19 Kolbow is on a definite hot streak, having scored around 5 or 6 goals in this tournament. He (or Sarge) may have been the best player on the pitch in either game yesterday. Staff are concerned that Batista came off early, but having said that, Columbus were still extremely dangerous.
Edge: Columbus
Coaching
At the risk of upsetting the Columbus coach, who may or may not be Hose, Sir M is going to give the edge to SFC on this one, based on passion alone. Columbus do get a lot of coaching on the field by #10. Staff strongly recommend that Coach should coach in the final. From the sidelines.
Edge: Rangers
Intangibles:
Contrary to many fans' comments of yesterday: this game is the final. A classic matchup really: Columbus is vulnerable to teams that are good in the air, and that certainly describes Rangers. Rangers are vulnerable against teams that run at them, and that certainly describes Columbus. Both teams have won Provincial Cups in recent years, and both are definitely on a roll. And staff are going out on a limb here and predicting that this game will be more entertaining than last year's final. Staff, not unlike SCDMTC Blonde after a hot yoga class, are really struggling to separate the two. So, as a final deciding factor, staff are making the unprecedented move of deciding this one based on:
Best Hair:
Rangers: Pretty well everyone on this team is bald. And that is not a criticism, but that one guy with the moustache and the Biggs-like little tail at the back? Three words: Shave it off.
Columbus: There are a lot of salt and pepper (very dear to Sir M's heart) types on this team, the two Sarge brothers and Columbus' George Clooney lookalike in the back just to name a few. #19 has got an excellent sort of SCK hair thing going. But the star of the team is the barrel chested #9 (Sir M was going to say "Pussy" lookalike, but was appropriately cautioned by staff legal advisor Mrs. Gurps that this could be misinterpreted by some who may not be fans of The Sopranos) with the outstanding full head of hair appropriatley rinsed with Lupoman #3 (midnight).
Edge: Columbus
Sir M's Excellent Predicted BC Masters Champs:
Columbus F.C.
For the same reason that Milan (Nesta, Kaka, Maldini) beat Man U (John O'Shea, Wes Brown, Rooney ):
Way better hair.
Good luck to both teams.