Weekly Romeyisms

[sensei_hanson]

I was going to put this in some lame soccer subsection/thread but feared it would be lost in the grand TTP shuffle. It's pretty funny, unless you don't find Rome completely mocking soccer all that funny. His latest article, on the MLS Draft from jimrome.com :

Today is a big day…but not because it’s Friday. Yes, it’s the beginning of the weekend, but that’s not the reason why it’s a good day.

It’s draft day. Yes, a great day. And yes, I’m talking about the MLS of course. Is there any other draft worth mentioning? Finally, we will get to find out where all of our favorite players will go. I’ve waited for far too long to find out who the D.C. United will take with the #1 pick. Will they take that pick and choose that long-haired pseudo-Euro, or will they trade down and take the #2 and extra first round pick.

I get that. Maybe the United can stockpile their picks and build for the future. Build a solid foundation and grow your team from there. All you need are 1,2 or 11 creative and passionate players and you’re making a run at that Cup or whatever it is they win at the end of the season. You know what they say, offense wins games, defense wins championships and creativity with passion wins…that cup thingy.

But that’s what great about draft day, the uncertainty, the pressure. Many teams keep their cards really close to their vest. One wrong move and your team could be reeling for the next 6 seasons. Provided the league is still in business then. But anyhow, you can’t think like that. You have to remain upbeat and hope that the league is still around and make your draft picks like there will be a tomorrow.

It’s been weeks of workouts, combines and speculation. I’m going to have all of my soccer friends come over to the house to watch the draft. We’ll probably go out to the front lawn and kick a ball around. Maybe after that we’ll come inside, eat orange slices and fake injuries.

If I can hurry up and finish writing this piece I can be on my way and watch the draft. I can’t wait. Who’s to say that a team won’t trade down and steal the next Marcello Lalas? You never know, the next Alexi Meola could be out there. Cobi Wynalda could turn into the next Brandi Chasti-Maradona. Who wants to be the team that ends up with the dubious distinction of making that bad trade? Teams are wheeling and dealing, but don’t want to be the one that passed on the next big thing. You know, like Diego Ramos, or Landon Gramatica.

 

[Panties]

You forgot to include the pause after Rome finishes, then adds matter affactly, Soccer sucks.

He loves Don Cherry so he can't be all that bad.

 

[Dude]

Sensei and I are of exactly equal minds on Rome and his soccer takes. Jim "Freaking" Rome!

Here's one of the better ones: "If I ever find out that any of my employees have kids playing soccer...they're fired...on the spot!"

or...

"I can't imagine anything more humiliating, as a father, than having a son that plays on the JV girl's Field Hockey team. Unless, you count having a son who plays soccer...that's the ONLY thing more humiliating than having a son who plays on the girl's JV Field Hockey team..."

War Rome soccer blasts,

Dude.

 

[El Jefe]

Rome this!

Jimmy Rome is the biggest redneck dumb-fcuk American around. If it wasn't for his in-bred viewership that share many of his personal qualities, he wouldn't have a show.

Nothing too global about this idiot!

ElJefegoingoff!

 

[Keeper]

in-bred viewership that share many of his personal qualities

Like CFMI & Jack listeners.

 

[Fastshow]

confused.........

It's pretty funny......

Why didn't you post the funny bits, then?

 

[5bigtoes]

sensei,

Good try but like panties said, hearing it in that Rome style is what makes it funny, even if he is a redneck bastard El Jeffery!

 

[Dude]

Last week at the Superbowl, Rome had his usual plethora of great interviews and guests. The funniest was one I heard Friday AM. He was interviewing two of the Miller Light Girls. As one would expect, these two were displaying the intelligence level of a bag of hammers, or KNVB (actually, more like KNVB…don’t want to insult the hammers). A real couple of bimbos.

Near the end of the interview, Rome asks the girls, “Who do you like in the game?”

MLG #1: “Raiders.”
MLG#2: “Buccaneers.”
MLG #1: “Raiders!”
MLG#2: “Buccaneers!”
MLG #1: “RAIDERS!”
MLG#2: “BUCCANEERS!”
MLG #1: “RAIDERS!!!”
MLG#2: “BUCCANEERS!!!”
Rome: “Let’s make out!”

Had me in stitches!

 

[sensei_hanson]

new one

Wacko Jacko is going to insist in an interview that he’s never had any plastic surgery. Yes, THAT Wacko Jacko.

I can buy that, but somebody please explain how he went from Black to White. On one album he was African-American and the next he’s Caucasian? How’d that happen?

“I’m telling you the truth. I’m telling you I’ve never done anything to my face.”

Wacko Jacko


Maybe HE’S never done anything to his face, but some high priced surgeon with a scalpel has.

And if truly hasn’t had any plastic surgery, somebody please explain to me then why W.J.’s nose is barely clinging to his face. That’s not exactly natural looking.

He does admit that he does share his bed with kids, but says it’s not of a sexual nature. Of course. Of course there’s nothing unusual about a grown man who sleeps in the same bed as children, especially those that aren’t his.

“ When you say bed, you're thinking sexual. It's not sexual. I tuck them in, it's very charming, it's very sweet.“

First of all, what is this doing guy admitting this? He won’t admit to having plastic surgery which obviously is a lie, but he’s willing to admit he sleeps in the same bed as children? Bad choice Jacko.

If kids are in bed with Jacko, where the hell are the parents? The parents ought to go to jail. I’d let my child play on the freeway before I let him go to a slumber party at Wacko Jacko’s.

And since we’re on the subject of things that need explaining, why did WJ pay off somebody so some child molestation charges would just go away? To be accused of being a child molester is about the worst thing you can be called. If it isn’t true, you’d think you would fight vigorously to have your name cleared, not open up your checkbook and give up millions of dollars, no questions asked.

Most adults do normal things like play catch with kids, not ‘tuck them in’.

If I have this straight…you didn’t molest anybody but you’re willing to pay several million so they won’t say you did? Mind you, everybody still says you are anyway. So I guess that worked out well. Money well spent. Maybe it was because you were worried about something more than your reputation.

And continuing with the theme of unsavory music entertainers.

Legendary record producer Phil Spector has been arrested and charged under suspicion of murder. He has been since released on 1 million dollar bond. 41 year old Lana Carson was found dead in his foyer. Spector has worked with the likes of the Beatles and the Righteous Bros., among others in his long and storied career.

It doesn’t look good for Spector. Then again, it didn’t look good for Orenthal either and he’s as free as I am.

I must commend the music industry for catching up to sports in the murder category. Athletes and murder have gone together like peanut butter and jelly. Now it’s the music industry’s turn. Now we have more and more music people getting into trouble. You know, dangling babies over balconies, child pornography and now murder.

 

[Fastshow]

nutter.........

The Michael Jackson programme was on the box here Monday night. I didn't watch it but they had it on in the pub and people were talking about it the next day at work which is sad enough in itself. The man's completely lost all sense of reality though it could be argued whether he ever had any in the first place. If I had a brother called Jermaine I'd be pretty fcuked up too.

I take it your idol Jim Rome wrote the above. He has a tremendous way of stating the absolute bloody obvious. People pay this cnut to write shite like that? There's hope for us all.

 

[sensei_hanson]

give yourself a lot of credit....

It's amazing how well-rounded you've become. Especially after what happened to your big sister Latoya. How is the combine treating her these days?

The above transcription was one of Rome's daily rants on his nationally-syndicated radio show. It is possible for one to get their point across without resorting to several overused similies and having the OED right beside their keyboard.