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Vancouver Barbie

Gurps

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Just saw this on another site, and I heard Dap was going to be first in line at the store when they come out.

Barbie Dolls Inc. Announces The Release Today of Limited Edition
Barbie Dolls for the Vancouver Market:

West Van Barbie:
This 'Princess Barbie' is only sold at Park Royal (at selected stores only). She omes with assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a 2 Million dollar house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift, spa certificates for Tiba, and a orkaholic cheating husband, Dr. Ken.

Tsawwassen / White Rock Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan (traffic jamming cell phone sold separately). She gets lost easily, and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. You can find this Barbie walking the beach in the mornings or trying to work off her extra pounds at Just Ladies fitness. Optional matching gym outfit.

East Van Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a slammed Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and a Methadone Clinic Ken. Also available in a jailbird version with orange coveralls.

Yaletown Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, and for an added bonus, a $200,000, 400 square foot bachelorette ad. She walks her Chihuahua named Pookie every morning to Starbucks for her grande, double shot, skinny, sugar-free vanilla latte. Also available, numerous platinum credit cards and Shallow-Ken. You can find this Barbie at Yaletown Yoga Studio 3 times a week. This Barbie takes Pookie to her job as a Financial Analyst.

Cloverdale Barbie:
This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's a$$ when she's drunk. A pickup is available with JR country Radio bumper stickers.


Aldergrove Barbie:
The Parkside version has a mouth that is firmly closed so as not to show her summer teeth, Daisy Dukes and a half T-shirt that guarantees you can see her navel piercing and at least 5 tattoos. Both versions swear incessantly and are not recommended for children. She is a GRCC drop-out, and has never made it out of what she calls "the rockin' grove"

Surrey Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still has not learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your beer-gutted mullet-wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and BIG. Accessories include: CD player equipped with Bon Jovi, and a 1996 Camaro Z-28.

Maple Ridge Barbie:
This Barbie is the same model of Barbie that was released in 1982. She comes with shoulder pads, dark Polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad haircut. Options include a Rick James T-shirt, Wal-Mart purse and outdated shoes.

Chilliwack Barbie:
This flannel-wearing Barbie comes with her own 4-H ribbon collection, brown pickup truck and blue eye shadow. She's a country girl at heart with cow-manure-odoured boots (scratch and sniff the soles for a realistic dose of country fun). Cowboy Ken is toothless and also clad in red and black flannel check shirt. You can find Cowboy Ken making a fool of himself in the stands at local hockey games.

Richmond Barbie:
This chemically treated, black-with-red-streaked-hair Barbie, with her Burberry handbag and matching scarf, comes with a hot little Mercedes with Hello Kitty stuffed toys on the dash, funded directly from her rich Grandparents. This one-of-a-kind Barbie also comes with an unlimited amount of Platinum credit cards. Speed-loving Ken is also available with the choice of a souped-up Honda Civic or Subaru Impreza.

Kitsilano Barbie:
This Barbie is usually found shopping on 4th Ave in her Lululemon yoga outfit and carrying a bag of fresh organic veggies from 'Choices' with her snowboarding shaggy-haired boyfriend Ken. On weekends you can find this Barbie babe at The Sushi Eatery with a swarm of Barbie friends. You can purchase this Barbie's torn Levis, buffalo sweater and crocheted purse for her laid-back days.

West-End Ken:
You can purchase this special Ken at select Boys Co. stores, and he comes complete with a tight black shirt and leather pants. Ken is usually found struttin' down Davie or dancin' at the Oddessy NightClub. Barbie not available in this area.

Shaughnessy Barbie:
This Barbie has recently been divorced. She comes with Ken's car, Ken's boat, and Ken's house
 

Dude

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I'm pretty sure Notty dated Yaletown Barbie a couple of summers back. Seriously...

Gurps, great effort, but I'm disappointed in your lack of vision. What happened to Guildford Barbie, aka: Bardeep?
 

Dapotayto

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Gurps said:
Just saw this on another site, and I heard Dap was going to be first in line at the store when they come out.

Nah, I'm holding out for snowboarding, rockclimbing, artist barbie. Got any of those around?
 

Yoda

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Gurps said:
Maple Ridge Barbie:
This Barbie is the same model of Barbie that was released in 1982. She comes with shoulder pads, dark Polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad haircut. Options include a Rick James T-shirt, Wal-Mart purse and outdated shoes.

Screw you Gurps, this is so not the case.
We don't have a Wal-Mart..........yet.
And Rick James can only be found at Zellers, right next to the Dokken and Slayer shirts.

Get your facts straight!
 

Dude

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Who are you kidding, Dap?

This thread has already inspired you to go down to the nearest Love Nest.

The Barbie Love Ewe will never tell what goes on. Great companion and you don't even have to feed her. Baaa-r-gain!
 

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Dapotayto

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Leave it to you to take things down to the lowest common denominator.

On a side note, I'll take her as long as she makes realistic sounding, er, sounds.
 

trece verde

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Gangbang Barbie?
Squamish Barbie:rolleyes: :D

East Van Barbie should be renamed to East Side Barbie...
The real East Van Barbie and her homie East Van Midge come in the "YoMobile" with authentic thumpin' bass. Both come with the VonDutch or FuBu wardrobe options and tailbone tats. Wifebeater Ken with real glock action sold separately.

Kamloops Barbie - a blend of Chilliwack Barbie and Surrey Barbie. Brown pickup, big hair, AND g-strings.

North Van Barbi - able to compare nose-jobs in Farsi. Comes with lots of gold bling, henna, and Daddy's Mercedes, but not normally found off of the North Shore. Mustafa Ken sold separately.

Dunbar/Kerrisdale Barbie - same model as sold in 1958. NPA lawn signs included.

Commercial Drive Barbie - comes with authentic pink dyke buzzcut, leathers, and all piercings. Mack jacket and Daytons Midge sold separately with rubber strap-ons kit.
 

Gurps

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Hahahah....well done Stew. :D

We should make a Hollywood, Circle Ed, and Father John Barbie as well.

Booze not included. :rolleyes:
 

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