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The Bible


Staff member
Total Bastard
Jun 28, 2001
Dirty Money
Originally posted in the Auld TTP Forums on August 12th 2000 by, erm, TotalBastard:

Questions for Dr.Laura

In response to Dr Laura's claim that homosexuality is an abomination because it's against the Bible...

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear prescription glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.


New Member
Jun 29, 2001
Dirty Money

Had the Apostles been been gay:

10. The Last Supper would have been a brunch.

9. The Beatitudes would start, "Fabulous are they ...".

8. The Triumphal Entry screams for a drag number.

7. The water at the wedding feast of Canna would not have been changed to wine but to extra dry Bombay Sapphire martini straight up and dirty.

6. The temple would not have been cleansed of money changers, just redecorated.

5. Mary's hair would have been flawless.

4. The Gospels would be Matthew, Mark, Steve and Bruce.

3. Priests would have affairs with altar boys...hang on....never mind.

2. Jesus would never wear white after Labour Day.

1. The Sermon on the Mount would have been a musical.

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