Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King

[SC]

Keeper, I am extremely disappointed that you haven't done a movie review for this one. I am also waiting for the snow to clear so I can take the peasant wagon to the theater (bike or bus)

No, it is not me in the picture below, notice the white skin and non afro curls (a dead giveaway)

 

[Fastshow]

No, it is not me in the picture below, notice the white skin and non afro curls (a dead giveaway)

What about the one in the red though? Is that you?

 

[Hands of Stone]

It is a good movie, one that should be watched at home so you can get up and stretch from time to time. By the time you watch all the comercials that they play in theaters now and all the previews, you are in your seat for 3 and a half to 4 hours, far too long.
Because of this, at the end of the movie, the climax, I am not even interested anymore, I wanted to stand up and scream "throw the fukcing ring in the fire allready", and then after that happens, there is another half hour of wrap-up, that is interesting but just drags at this point.
Thought the first movie was the best of the bunch explaining the whole story, but don't go to the theater, stay at home on a day like today and rent the first two.

hos

 

[Dapotayto]

I'm not really sure but I think the director was trying to say something about friendship.

Hos, I came to that same point as you near the end except I was saying, "If that fcuking hobbit doesn't throw that ring in the fire soon can someone please put a bullet in my head". I had to pee so bad popcorn bits were afloat in my mouth. Afterwards, when I went to the washroom it was zen-like.

At the first of the ten endings, when the eagles came to rescue Frodo and Sam (two characters obviously based on Fastshow and Dazza's friendship) someone struck me. I mean someting struck me. This 'ridding the world of the Ring of Power' could have been a lot easier if they had just asked me. Fly the damn ring to Mount Doom and dispense of it without all this gnashing of teeth, thumping of chests and general pissing about.

Dapotayto's script to Lord of The Rings

Hos sits in a bar (the Dufferin perhaps?) quaffing rye, straight up, in vast amounts. Gandalf enters and takes a seat beside Hos.

Gandalf: I have an important job I need you to do for me, Hos.
Hos: Well, if you want me to keep the ball out of the back of the net or stay sober, let's just say you'd have better luck convincing Jenna Jaimeson to become a nun.
Gandalf: Luckily it is neither of those. I have the Ring of Power. The fate of Middle Earth depends on you dropping this ring in the fires of Mount Doom thus destroying it forever and saving us all.
Hos: Doesn't sound overly difficult. What's in it for me?
Gandalf: I will buy you a pitcher of beer at the Cambie when you get back.
Hos: Hmmm. I'm not sure. Sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?
Gandalf: No catch. Did I mention you get flown there by a giant fcuking eagle.
Hos: You're kidding. Well, if you have a giant fcuking eagle to fly there why don't you just have it drop the ring in the fires of Mount Doom itself.
Gandalf: The eagle is not smart enough to do it on its own. We need someone to drop in their with the ring to ensure the job gets done correctly. We need a real nutcase and a soccer goalie is a perfect fit.
Hos: I'll do it! Hey, hold on a sec. How do I get back?
Gandalf: Well, if you survive the sunlike heat of Mount Doom's lava just hop on a bus and transit back. In other words, you'll have to take the bone-shaker. The loser cruiser. Whatever you call it. Sorry.
Hos: Aw, that's no problem. I love B.C. Transit. They're not on strike are they?

 

[Keeper]

First, Ignore HOS' suggestion.

Do, in fact, see this in the theatre. Advising some to watch it at home because you can't sit for 3.5 hours is like telling them to watch the Symphony of Fire highlights on the 11 o'clock news because they don't like dealing with the crowds. If you want to see it, see it big.

The battle sequences are great, Gollum develops from a funny, cute and quirky character to one that you begin to actually view as evil, the landscape shots are still magnificant, and the special effects continue to be almost seemlessly intertwined with live action (a prime example: Gandalf's ride up and through Minas Tirith).

There are two things to make you go 'hmmm'. First, Jackson fails to adequately explain the madness exhibited by Denethor. His story leaves the view a bit confused as to why he behaves the way he does. Second, this installment, more than any of the others, includes an odd sense of homoerotic tendancies. As one of my friends suggested: "Every time Frodo and Sam were talking to each other, I thought they wanted to kiss." Note in particular, the reunion scene in -- of all places -- Frodo's bed.

Nevertheless, this is best movie of the three. Few if any scenes are unnecessary, there are several exciting battle scenes, the battle between Shebola and Sam is the most realistic human-giant insect battle ever created on screen, and Eowyn is still hot, hot, hot.

 

[Hands of Stone]

First, Ignore HOS' suggestion.

Do, in fact, see this in the theatre. Advising some to watch it at home because you can't sit for 3.5 hours is like telling them to watch the Symphony of Fire highlights on the 11 o'clock news because they don't like dealing with the crowds. If you want to see it, see it big.

It is interesting that you compared the Symphony of Fire and going to see a movie at a theater, I completly agree with you.
You will never catch me down at one of Vancouvers fine beaches for the Fireworks because the crowds are brutal, you have to park 15 blocks away from where you go to see them, then battle traffic for an hour to get home, and while you are at the park, you can't even have a cold beer because of the silly by-laws in this province.
I would much rather walk up the stairs of my appartment, sit on the patio, have a cold one, listen to the tunes on a stereo, and then watch the crowds race home as I have one more cold one.

With the quality of home entertainment units that we have in this day and age, it only makes sense to stay home and watch DVD's that come out 4 months after release in the theater, with surround sound at home and great quality on a good TV. You don't have to pay 13.50 to sit beside some punk with nachos all over his face, and then another 10 bucks just to get a small drink and popcorn.
No thanks, I will wait for the release on DVD, thank-you very much.

hos

 

[SC]

Where the hell do I start?

I am absolutely disappointed with this "Return of the Kings". I'm not sure if it was the terrible screen play (lines) or the hidious acting that took the cake for me. I think Peter Jackson fully took advantage of having all his 'stars' back, but didn't consider if any of them could actually act.

"The Lord of The Rings required a commitment from our cast to learn how to swordfight, horseback ride, canoe, learn Elvish, climb mountain peaks and at the same time bring the magic and magnetism of Tolkien’s characters to the screen. They were up to the task."

What the hell does this mean? There was no 'real' swordfight, canoeing, climbing of mountians (except the studio stairs) and what the hell is "Elvish"? All the action was whizzing by on screen you couldn't even see details of actual fighting. I did, however, enjoy the elephants stomping and smoking the hell out of the horses

For example, Hobbits are gentle and close to nature, an almost child-like group who live off the land. With an average height of 3’6", the furry-footed creatures dwell deep in furnished holes on the sides of hills. They love the simple things in life: smoking pipes, eating, and, of course, storytelling. They live to around 100 years old, with the age of 33 marking the start of adulthood.

Oh so that's what they are. I couldn't stop busting a gut everytime they showed a hobbit interacting with other characters on the screen. Of course they are small beings, but when you use children or dumbies in the film, make sure they can walk like an adult hobbit. It also just dawned on me that all of them have an underlying gay love for each other

Elves, on the other hand, are noble, elegant, magical beings whose time is running out and who seem to possess a bittersweet sense that they are now about to pass into myth. Although they could be slain or die of grief, elves are immortal in that they are not subject to age or disease.

I've stated before that I am a big fan of Orlando Bloom, but if an elf is the same as a fairy, I think Orlando should be staring in Peter Pan.

Summarizes Peter Jackson: "For me the project really came to life when the cast came on board and brought their individual interpretations to the roles. They made it so much more realistic than I had ever imagined."

This is crap, the cast was just nice to him because they needed their cheques signed.

I have to say the only actor that did their job in the movie was (see image below)

All in all, I should have listened to HOS, but I agree with Keeper, you have to see shite like this on the big screen. I was disappointed in the cost (thank goodness 'Fun Bobbi' paid for my ticket). Take me back to the cheap DVD stores in Vietnam, 'cause I aint gonna pay $6 smacks for popcorn (didn't anyway)

+SC'stakeonthelackofactioninthemovie

Sorry Fasty, it isn't me in the picture either, unless my mum forgot to tell me that I am Greek

 

[knvb]

Or a sword.

 

[SC]

This guy didn't have quality lines he has had in the past. (see image)

I forgot to mention that if it weren't for the 2 1/2 year old child in the movie house, I would have fallen asleep. "THROW THE FCUKEN THING IN" , is right

 

[Fastshow]

Re: adulthood.........

I don't think a film can properly consider itself art unless it's got wizards, goblins, swashbuckling swordfights and supposed underlying moralistic themes.


Tolkien was a cnut.

 

[peter]

Just wait for the Director's cut if you thought ROFTK was long in the theater, I predict an extra hour or more. But, having seen the other 2 in theaters and in the privacy of my own home via the extended versions (Liv!) it will be well worth it and probably clear up shortcomings that some have mentioned.

SC, for the record, Tolkien was also a linguist and he created Elvish as a language with grammatical rules and everything. Some of the cast learned it. And I can think of quite a few scenes that took place in the mountains: being agoraphobic, I found the whole Frodo/Sam split sequence (with Gollum's meddling) particularly uncomfortable. Swordfighting? Throughout the three movies there were too many to retell here.

 

[Hands of Stone]

Re: Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King - Director's Cut

Just wait for the Director's cut if you thought ROFTK was long in the theater, I predict an extra hour or more.

Now this is another problem with this trilogy that I would like to comment on. You go to the theater to see one of the three movies, if you have not read the book, you walk away a little un-clear on some of the stories that are taking place during Frodo's long journey. Why not release the Directors Cut into the theater, if you can sit through 3 hours, why not 4, hey Keeper. Or even have a short intermision during the 4 hour flick. Well that would not be profitable for the theaters and the corporations that own these warehouses they call theaters.
So I say, wait till this trilogy is released in the video store, rent the Directors cut and get the whole story and watch it at your leasure, with breaks and even a meal have way through to keep you energy up.
It is a great story, but not one I would like to see in the theater ever again.
I did go the first time to make the old lady happy, she is a huge fan, or I would never have gone in the first place.

hos

 

[Dapotayto]

You almost answered your own question, Hos. It's got to do with cash, money and mackin'. Maybe not mackin' but definitely money. There is more incentive for people to spend their dosh on the directors cut than the same movie they saw in the theatre. Therefore more people will buy the DVD. Even a donkey/ass/burro like me knows that.

 

[Aves]

Thought the first movie was admirable but didn't love it. all those chase scenes where the huge monsters couldn't catch up was a bit much. Walked out of the 2nd after 20 minutes to see something else ( Identity...enjoyed it)
The 3+ hours is an issue but it didn't seem to matter for the Titanic, or other 3 hr flicks I have seen...(JFK?..) because they had a story that moved along.
My biggest complaint with the Lord of the Rings is all the frickin' ugly demon warriors that littered the screen in the 2nd movie for the first 1/2 hour...just plain ugliness that I would rather avoid.

Special effects aren't enough...a movie needs to have pace and a sense of purpose...and touch the soul in some way...the rings just seems to wander all over the place.
I've heard from a few people that the movie loses you near the end...a truly good flick doesn't need you to qualify your praise.

I'm not even interested in the hype to be honest.
I haven't seen all of them, but I've had enough.
I'd take Cold Mountain any day...good flick.

 

[Ballbaby]

Thought the first movie was admirable but didn't love it. all those chase scenes where the huge monsters couldn't catch up was a bit much. Walked out of the 2nd after 20 minutes to see something else ( Identity...enjoyed it)
The 3+ hours is an issue but it didn't seem to matter for the Titanic, or other 3 hr flicks I have seen...(JFK?..) because they had a story that moved along.
My biggest complaint with the Lord of the Rings is all the frickin' ugly demon warriors that littered the screen in the 2nd movie for the first 1/2 hour...just plain ugliness that I would rather avoid.

Special effects aren't enough...a movie needs to have pace and a sense of purpose...and touch the soul in some way...the rings just seems to wander all over the place.
I've heard from a few people that the movie loses you near the end...a truly good flick doesn't need you to qualify your praise.

I'm not even interested in the hype to be honest.
I haven't seen all of them, but I've had enough.
I'd take Cold Mountain any day...good flick.

Geez Aves, they really should pull your brain out and analyze it after you leave this planet. Why are you so different from the norm? And don't you dare go into "what is the norm?" stuff. You walked out after 20 minutes? You thought the demon warriors were too ugly? Are you a product of your environment or is this strictly genetic? Now, remember that I know numerous stories of your childhod. Weren't you seven years old when you gave some waitress shite for scewing up your order?

Intriguing chap you are Aves, but sometimes you just have to watch the movie that wanders in plot and doesn't make you ponder, but just appreciate it for what it is. If you are so inclined to take in movies with soul touching plots with real substance, what fulfillment are you getting at Peace Arch to stimulate your brain? Don't you remember the deep conversations we had after training and games? Unless of course, the boys at Peace Arch actually listen to what you are talking about.

I miss you Aves. Come back.

 

[SC]

SC, for the record, Tolkien was also a linguist and he created Elvish as a language with grammatical rules and everything. Some of the cast learned it. And I can think of quite a few scenes that took place in the mountains: being agoraphobic, I found the whole Frodo/Sam split sequence (with Gollum's meddling) particularly uncomfortable. Swordfighting? Throughout the three movies there were too many to retell here.

Yes, but Elvish doesn't really take any skill does it? Some of have learned the "Fastish" and some ,of course, haven't.

Yes, there is/was swordfighting in all the movies, but it doesn't take much to make actors look good. Kind of like 'hidding' Liv Tyler's not so petite body by throwing in an arm, or a gown to cover up.

Dapotayto has something here, it is all about mackin' , but, I assume HOS would get some anyway (we all know the resent result )

Aves, I haven't wasted much time on blockbusters like the ones you've mention, and I don't plan too. I guess I was a sucker for being a fan of the books, and thought my visions would come true through the 'magic' of Hollywood.

I would go see Cold Mountain but I am tired of putting money into other people's hands for that sake of it. Besides, I'm not a fan of Kidman, she doesn't do a thing for me

+SC

 

[Ballbaby]

Yes, there is/was swordfighting in all the movies, but it doesn't take much to make actors look good. Kind of like 'hidding' Liv Tyler's not so petite body by throwing in an arm, or a gown to cover up.

SC,

She is kind of plump isn't she? Really though SC, put yourself in my shoes, would you not want to do her? She looks good plump or not. Wouldn't it be cool to shag an Elf? I thought Elves were short. Oh well.

Actually SC, if you put yourself in my shoes, you'd shag a bowling ball. A ten pin ball of course.

 

[Regs]

Wouldn't it be cool to shag an Elf?

We're streaking! Come on everybody! We're streaking!

Love the guy, Balls, but I don't think it would be cool

~Regs.

 

[Hands of Stone]

We're streaking! Come on everybody! We're streaking!

"Honey, do you think KFC is still open?" too funny, and to keep on topic, get the 25 piece Lord of the Rings Bucket, tasty, not even an Orge could resist a piece.

hos

 

[SC]

Complaint department

SC,

She is kind of plump isn't she? Really though SC, put yourself in my shoes, would you not want to do her? She looks good plump or not. Wouldn't it be cool to shag an Elf? I thought Elves were short. Oh well.

Actually SC, if you put yourself in my shoes, you'd shag a bowling ball. A ten pin ball of course.

Oh, I'm not complaining about Liv at all, I agree with you Ballbabylicious. I just thought the boys in the crew would enjoy seeing a smaller versrion of Liv. She's hot, even with her lisp, just like Drew.

Ballbabycakes, I also remember you being a little 'shorter'. I COULD possibly fit into your shoes, so bring on your honey! I've heard such great things about her (Insert smiley face licking his chops here)

The movie is overrated and even today I spent a good chunk of time reminicing about how funny the little Elf girl looked with big hairy feet. God forbid I make it with an elf, the kids would be a sight! Perhaps Guinny could fill us in on how he has coped with his upbrining.

+SC