Inside the TTP Closet - Redux

[cerebral smallsy]

Alright, I’ll play along. I’ll have to admit I briefly considered refusing my nomination, but came to my senses when realizing the ramifications of denying such an honour. (insert rolleyes emoticon here). That being said, here goes…

1. Small talk.
(n : light informal conversation for social occasions [syn: chitchat,gab, gabfest, gossip, tittle-tattle, chin-wag, chin-wagging, causerie]
Chin wagging indeed.
Picture yourself in an elevator. Keeping to yourself, staring at the floors ticking by whenst the chap next to you throws the old, “So, how about that nasty weather we’re having?” atcha. The horror. I’m the first to admit that I’m no social butterfly, but fcuk me. A simple “How’s it goin’?” would suffice. Do me a favour, keep staring straight ahead, shut the fcuk up and in Depeche Modian fashion, enjoy the silence.
Silently into the Closet with you.

2. Edited for TV Movies.
TBS, the so-called “Superstation” and its’ butchery of such cinematic classics as ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ and ‘The Breakfast Club’. Friggin psychos should take off and stick the shoddy editing up their behinds. Gratuituous profanity is fcukin therapeutic.
Into the Closet. Cnuts.

3. Three putts.
Actual, physical proof that there is no God. Many o’ putter have met there demise as a result of His most cruelest of lessons. My golfing buddies no full well that they had best take cover and simply stay out of my way en route the next tee box following such a debacle. Don’t talk to me. Someone like Keeper would probably ask me about the weather.
For non-golfers who don’t know what I’m on about, frigg off.
To the Closet alongside my two way Northwestern putter.

4. Lite Beer
I’m sure little or no elaboration is required here. I fail to grasp the point of this abomination. It is akin to ordering a Diet Coke with a Big Mac, six pack of McNuggets and super size fries. If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well. Drink real beer and get drunk. That is the entire point. Frankly, it’s un-Canadian to drink lite beer.
Off to the Closet eh.

5. Darts
Can’t even be considered a sport really. Comparable in athletic prowess to World Championship Poker. Obviously an outlet for the less fortunate, (like referees and Surrey United strikers) who lack the athletisism to be competetive in real sports. I’m all for an excuse to drink beer and eat nachos, but please remove any inkling that this activity is a sport. It’s on par with pull-tabs.
Closet for you.

There you have it. My head hurts from thinking.

 

[knvb]

You of course know there will be ramifications for your actions.

 

[Hands of Stone]

4 fer 5 with me Smallsy, and the Darts take is classic, LOL.

The one I don't agree with, Small Talk, how are you supposed to strike a converstion with a lady, the "hey lets go shag" is not enough. You need to throw in a couple of, "bitter cold out, eh, makes my nipples hard, how about yours?". But you need the small talk to break that ice, or we are just cavemen, clubing and dragging the women to the nearest cave, which is not a bad concept.

The rest are great, I hate edited movies. Three putts kill ya, I too have a Northwestern putter, perhaps that is the problem . Lite beer is spot on, but go further than that, the new Low-Carb beers, what is the point, if you want lower carbs drink wine or high-balls, but don't go messing around with a good beer, I don't care about you Atkins diet. Lastly, Darts, too funny, I may be a Supporter of the DCS, but I will never call Darts a Sport, that would be like calling marbles a sport, Darts are good for a laugh at a pub, well it is fun to laugh at the guys playing.

hos

 

[cerebral smallsy]

HOS, I have to agree with you. I should have put an *asterik beside the small talk nomination. Small talk with good looking birds is an exception to the rule. I would gladly go on about how cold it is if it meant i might get laid.

 

[Dude]

Three puts...fcuk yeah.

That said, if you throw my three puts in the closet, you may as well throw in my whole participation in the game...which may be for the better of man-kind anyhow.

Small talk- throw it all in. The direct approach is better, anyhow, and it saves a lot of time. It's all about the numbers.

Lite beer: no need to explain, Smalsy nailed it.

I spared edited movies...don't exactly know why.

Darts: only because one may have KNVB attached to it.

 

[knvb]

According to Jinky, you're coming with us then.

 

[Dude]

Must be. Jinky's always right, you know.

 

[Fastshow]

Some good ones for the closet, well putted, Smallsy, some of these have eyes.

Small talk is going in. Somedays any kind of talking is too much. It has always seemed worse over here as well (Bangalore). The pain of the 'three questions' is always too much to bear. 'What do you do?' Nothing, fcuk off. 'Where do you live in London?' In a box outside King's Cross (I'm Saint's neighbour), fcuk off. 'What's your connection to {insert name of someone here}?' I'm stalking her, fcuk off.

Good shout, Smallsy.

Edited movies..... well, I feel your pain but since I moved over here (Mogadishu), I don't have to worry about watching films with anything edited out. For the most part, the shite we get from America needs good bits (swearing, shagging, humour) added in, not taken out. Can't vote for it.

Well, I could, but I'd be living a lie.

Again.

Three putts? Brilliant nomination and I shall look very much forward to my first round of 2004 with three putts banished safely to inside the TTP closet. As long as it doesn't mean four putting from now on. There can be few things worse (Typhoid and Mariah Carey) than crushing your tee-shot straight up the jacksie of the bastard, seeing your second (and always the toughest shot of the hole) go within a nice puttable distance, and then standing by as you empty your bowels all over the pristine, white sheets and three putt.

Though I don't know why I'm explaining it to you, it's your nomination. I'm a cnut.

Taxi, please.

Lite beer. Again, not something I have to contend with over here (Torquay). If anything, it's the opposite, especially when I'm dragged up to Scotland. I will, however, vote for lite beer since I do, on occasion, have to suffer the ignominity of having to travel back to Vancouver. Why is it that, despite having landed in the UK and, presumably, replenished their stock of food for the return leg, Canadian airlines never, ever, have good lager onboard? Why? Cnuts! 'Would you like a drink, sir?' Yes, lager please. 'Labatt's Blue or Coors Lite?' What? Fcuking what?! Neither, thanks, just whip yer knickers off and piss down my throat instead.

I won't vote for darts because, with my salad days making a hasty retreat, there simply have to be sports like darts for us to aspire to playing at a decent level. I can still, for instance, aspire to representing three countries at arrows; England, Scotland, and Canada. Professional darts athletes also have the kind of training regime some of us have adhered to, diligently, for a very long time. Just last weekend, for instance, I trained for six hours Friday night after work and on Saturday night I trained until, I'm told, 3:00am. All that's missing now is a dartboard and some arrows and I'm in business.

Taxi just pulled up.

 

[knvb]

1. I know Chin Wagging he’s a hell of a guy. He was recently pulling out of a Burnaby McDonalds and ended up being chased through Metro town’s park-aide at high speeds by a deranged man and his wife in, no doubt, a beige Tempo in what had to be a very scary incident. I simply couldn’t have him voted into the closet with the the simulated nuclear blasts for headlights. He'd simply never be able to recover having a constant reminder of the chase in there with him. He's too good a friend for that.


2. Any movie played on TBS worth watching I’ve probably already got in my beta collection and have seen a thousand times. I can insert my own profanity in my imagination and while I’m there throw in a few sex scenes the writer should have added in the first place. The is no way once Emilio Estivez told Molly Ringwald he would coach the Mighty Ducks they wouldn’t have screwed in the human kinetics section. There's just no way. Gold digging bitch.

3. I’ve voted for golf God’s cruelest joke, the three put. Many a drunken stupor has started on the second, third or fourth greens because of this. Chances are the game's fcuked after that and I’ve probably already dropped $100.00+ at that point, so damn it, I’m going to get something out of the day even if it’s a hangover.

4.Lite Beer makes about as much sense as light mayonnaise or light sour cream or my all time favorite low calorie bacon bits. Are you fcuking kidding me? Low cal bac-o’s? Not possible I tell you. Everyone quit sucking the life out of my food and beverage! Off to the closet the lot of you and take broiled meat and the people who cook it with you.


5.Oh smallsy, you cut me to the bone with this one. We take you in off the streets, bring you into our inner circle and give you home and this is how you repay us, by trying to send us to the closet with Keepers collection of rubbish? For shame. Darts for the record is a sport, like golfers, bowlers or rock paper, scissor players; we are highly trained athletes, who commit 110% to our conditioning, training, and metal preparation. Do you think it’s easy to get up and down from your bar stool or chair nearly 20 times a match? Do you realize if the service is poor on any given night we are forced to walk to the fcuking bar ourselves? Do you know how much effort it is to eat nachos with onions on it? Don’t even get me started on going to the washroom.


The DCS supporter’s club council has voted.



Banished!!

 

[Dapotayto]

Small Talk-Initially I did not vote for small talk as I felt, as some others do, that it is a necessary evil in making connections with women (who I love and who love me, just ask Jinky). Then, I accidentally made eye contact with one of the women who works at my office. She proceeded to regale me with complete life stories of herself, her sons, her parents, her pets, her neighbors and even such things as the goddamn state of her lawn for about three hours. While this is happening I am doing my very best robot impression maintaining a completely rigid posture, not blinking, looking only at the computer and sitting absolutely still, not moving any body part in any way (figure it out you fcuking idiot!). I don't know if that shite qualifies as small talk, but if it does then send any and all of it to the closet.

Edited Movies-I have been traumatized by edited flicks ever since I saw the reworked version of Usual Suspects. During the line-up scene when the characters have to each say, "Give me the keys you fcuking cokcsucker!" (and proceed to ham it up) the edited version had them say, "Give me the keys you fuzzy socksucker!". I still don't know if this was a travesty or pure hilarity. Regardless, send edited movies to Neverland. They'll be right up Peter Pan's alley.

Three Putts-I voted to dispense with three putts but I have changed my mind. Releasing anger is good. You weaken your immune system if you suppress anger and abusing ones golf clubs is a fantastic release. It's most therapeutic throwing your driver from the tee box and achieving a further distance than your tee shot but flinging a putter into the woods while uttering an unrestrained primal scream is fun too. So keep the three putts, I say, as does my therapist, Mr. Ed.

Lite Beer-Send it away for reasons already stated. The only purpose I can see for lite beer is that perhaps women might like to drink it because of the reduced calories content. Still, all attempts should be made to have your/any girl consuming gin and tonic as it is even better health-wise and makes their panties pretty much fly off after only just a few drinks. Whoever discovered gin is a freaking genius. Whoever discovered lite beer is a knob.

Darts-Darts shmarts. Real men play fooseball.

 

[steve1234]

I vote for darts. I think darts has a lot to do with Walks transformation of late. He used to be a stand up guy. Now he's a pussy who hangs with Blaze.

 

[Guinness]

I must admit, once I saw that Smallsy would be in charge of this session, I was slightly terrified... However, since reading the content of his proverbial literature I regress... Fan-tas-tic!!! Not bad for an aging Rambler whose footballing claim to fame over the past few years has been megging a Sedin in a whore house!!!

On to the theatre if I must...
Smallsy Talk - pure rubbish... Even the blabbing wanker in me realizes when to shut his gub... enough said, unless she's toight like a tiger???
Edited Films - you forgot to mention Paul Newman's classic: "Slapshot", diabolical by all standards... The Hansons are muppets with four eyes, why else would they be folk hero's if they had to mind their manners???
3 putts - I was the next Ian Wooseman coming out of primary school until I started counting my first 2 putts on every fcuking hole!!!
Lite Beer - WHY??? As Smally so elogantly put it, "akin to ordering a diet coke with a Big Mac"... Completely retarded... Yes Dude, I said retard...
Darts - OK Eric Bristow was a favourite of mine as youngster sitting in front of the tele after bed time with my Granda, but fcuk sakes, it's really not a sport... Myself, I occasionally enjoy giving KNVB the only self gratifying moments of his life from time to time, so how could we throw it into the closet??? Captain would have nothing left to boast about other than the Flyers getting humped by the Sabres!!! Yeah, the fcuking Buffalo Sabres 5 - 2!!! I do also realize it ressembles a sport almost as much as 5 pin bowling on TSN!!! Get tae fcuk with calling it a sport, drinking social alcoholic excuse yes, but never call it a sport unless it's the only way your misses will let you out of the house!!!
4 for 5 not too shabby for a meggoholic...

 

[knvb]

First off, smallsy didn't meg me at a whorehouse it was at Hillcrest, although the change rooms are one shower off a gay east end bath house, so I can see how you would get yourself confused, being the way you are and all. Yes, I said the way you are and all.

btw, the only one who gives me the best self gratifying moments of my life is me and ironically enough, most of them have been in the closet.

Smallsy Talk - pure rubbish... Even the blabbing wanker in me realizes when to shut his gub... enough said,

If only it were true...

 

[Fastshow]

Take it easy on Guinness. I thought smallsy talk was very clever.

Plus, if this doesn't explain certain tendencies and issues, nothing does.....

....youngster sitting in front of the tele after bed time with my Granda...

The poor lad needs our sympathy.

Even more so than ever.

 

[cerebral smallsy]

looks like small talk escaped the closet by one vote. ttper's are gayer than i thought.
anyfcuk, off to the closet with the rest of them.
i suppose it is my duty to pass along the conch. piggy is not registered, so i'm going with HOS. i'd hate to see another opportunity pass him by...

 

[Hands of Stone]

piggy is not registered, so i'm going with HOS. i'd hate to see another opportunity pass him by...

Oh the power I feel with this great conch. The list will be up later, I need some time to spell check this sucker.

hos