Message From Santa

[striker14]

Message from Santa

Dear Friends

I have been watching you very closely
to see if you have been good this year
and since you have I will be telling my elves
to make some goodies for me to
leave under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all
gifts from the 12 days of Christmas,
but we had a little problem.

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have
all come down with VD from fiddling with
the 10 ladies dancing,
the 11 lords leaping have knocked up
the 8 maids a-milking, and the
9 pipers piping have been arrested
for doing weird things to the
7 swans a-swimming.
The 6 geese a-laying,
4 calling birds,
3 French hens,
2 turtle doves
and the partridge in a pear tree
have me up to my sled runners in bird poop.

On top of all this!
Mrs. Claus is going through menopause,
8 of my reindeer are in heat,
the elves have joined the gay liberation
and some people who can't read a calendar
have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able
to get myself together and bring you the things you want.
This year I suggest
you get your butts down to Walmart
before everything is gone.

Love,

Santa.

 

[BlazeArmy]

Christmas Spirit Alive and well!!!!!

The Christmas spirit is alive and well. Saturday, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of Christmas at that moment. It was dark, cold and crappy in the parking lot as i was loading the Blazemobile with gifts i felt obligated to buy.

I noticed i was missing a receipt that might be needed ( the gift receipt so the ungrateful bastard can get cash) so mumbling under my breath i retraced my steps towards the mall entrance.

As i was searching the ground for the missing receipt i heard some queit sobbing. The crying was from a poorly dfressed boy of about 12. Short and thin, with no coat on just wearing an old ragged flannel shirt that looked like it came out of KNVB's closet circa 1992.


Oddly though, he was carrying a $100 bill in his hand. Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, i asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad tale.

He was from a large family and had 3 brothers and 4 sisters. His father had passed away 4 years ago and his mother was poorly educated and worked 2 fulltime jobs. She had managed to scrimo and save up $200 dollars to buy her children Christmas presents. The young boy had been dropped off by his mother, who was on her way to her 2nd job. He had been told to buy presents for everybody and save enough of it for a bus ride home. He had not even gotten to the mall entrance when some older boy had grabbed one of the bills and ran off into the cold night.

"Why didn't you scream for help" I said

The boy sobbed and replied " I did, noone came to help" and looked at the sidewalk and broke into tears again.

"How loud did you scream" I asked, trying to get him to stop crying.

The sad, thin, soft spoken boy looked up at me and whispered " Help me... Help"

I realized then that absolutely noone could have heard the boys cry for help. So i grabbed his other hundred and ran to the Blazemobile and took off into the night.

 

[STD]

You're going to hell and I want my two minutes back.

 

[striker14]

Re: Christmas Spirit Alive and Well!!

And a Merry Christmas to you too Blaze...ha ha ha!! That was funny

striker14

 

[BlazeArmy]

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two
had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the
doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?" And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.