Single Ply Toilet Paper - 3 words come to mind when I think single ply TP , rough, chaffing and messy. The sadistic TP nazi who decided to remove the second layer should be put in the the closet bathroom with his or her creation after being forced to eat 8 pounds of screaming hot wings, washed down with pint of jalapeno juice. There can't possibly be anything worse than having to use a public washroom, single ply's natural habitat, but to be forced down that avenue and have to deal with this, (pardon the pun), shite will make for a most unpleasant of experiences to say the least. Flush it into the closet.
Garden Gnomes - Really, what's the fcuking point? If your garden is so devoid of it's own natural beauty what's a few strategically placing life size replicas of Buckfast in precarious positions going to do for you here? Not a lot. Take those gnomes, their mushroom huts and wheel barrels and toss them into the closet. For those of you who are good enough at it, I hear the Rangers have a contest every Tuesday.
People who wear socks over their soccer socks - Perhaps the biggest and gayest in football fashion next to only wearing your shinnies over your joggers. Honestly, why can't you wear them under your soccer socks? Are these people's skills that poor that this is the only way they'll get the attention on the pitch? It's looks fcuking ridiculous and you should be kicked every time you touch the ball. These people should not only be banish to the closet but bet shot in the arse on their way in.
Valentines Day - Who's the hopeless cnut who couldn't get laid on his own and had to think this little commercial gem up, huh? What a fcuking load of rubbish this day is. I really hate being forced into something, especially when it will cost me money, like the TTP hockey pool. If you're anything like Dude (God help you if you are) and communicate (almost endlessly) with your missus then there is no good reason to have one particular day in which you're forced to say 'I love you'. If we're going to have this kind of day why can't we have a drop your gear day or a Living in porn day. "Excuse me miss, do you have the time?"... "Yeah, time for your c0ck" (cue the 70's beats) I bet that would be a particularly big hit at the Fire hall eh? Ballbaby? Any holiday worth it's weight would come with a mandatory day off so, take you chocolate hearts, cheap jewelry, cheesy greeting cards and expensive dinners and piss off.
Fruit Cakes - The longest running Christmas piss take. Nuts, Jelly chunks, raisins, scabby bits and frosting in a bread so thick Exxon has used it to clean up spills. It's an awful creation and If you get one, don't be fooled into thinking you're liked or being thought of in the festive seasons. Well, you're probably being thought of, but your Aunty is thinking you're a cnut. I put one out last year, thanks btw Jinky, between my mum's 9 year old Christmas candy and the plastic fruit to see if anyone would actually eat the vial thing, but there were no takers. I did notice the Christmas candy was all gone and someone had tried to peel the plastic banana. On you're way the fridge to get me a beer please drop the fruit cake in the closet. God knows it'll keep.
Garden Gnomes - Really, what's the fcuking point? If your garden is so devoid of it's own natural beauty what's a few strategically placing life size replicas of Buckfast in precarious positions going to do for you here? Not a lot. Take those gnomes, their mushroom huts and wheel barrels and toss them into the closet. For those of you who are good enough at it, I hear the Rangers have a contest every Tuesday.
People who wear socks over their soccer socks - Perhaps the biggest and gayest in football fashion next to only wearing your shinnies over your joggers. Honestly, why can't you wear them under your soccer socks? Are these people's skills that poor that this is the only way they'll get the attention on the pitch? It's looks fcuking ridiculous and you should be kicked every time you touch the ball. These people should not only be banish to the closet but bet shot in the arse on their way in.
Valentines Day - Who's the hopeless cnut who couldn't get laid on his own and had to think this little commercial gem up, huh? What a fcuking load of rubbish this day is. I really hate being forced into something, especially when it will cost me money, like the TTP hockey pool. If you're anything like Dude (God help you if you are) and communicate (almost endlessly) with your missus then there is no good reason to have one particular day in which you're forced to say 'I love you'. If we're going to have this kind of day why can't we have a drop your gear day or a Living in porn day. "Excuse me miss, do you have the time?"... "Yeah, time for your c0ck" (cue the 70's beats) I bet that would be a particularly big hit at the Fire hall eh? Ballbaby? Any holiday worth it's weight would come with a mandatory day off so, take you chocolate hearts, cheap jewelry, cheesy greeting cards and expensive dinners and piss off.
Fruit Cakes - The longest running Christmas piss take. Nuts, Jelly chunks, raisins, scabby bits and frosting in a bread so thick Exxon has used it to clean up spills. It's an awful creation and If you get one, don't be fooled into thinking you're liked or being thought of in the festive seasons. Well, you're probably being thought of, but your Aunty is thinking you're a cnut. I put one out last year, thanks btw Jinky, between my mum's 9 year old Christmas candy and the plastic fruit to see if anyone would actually eat the vial thing, but there were no takers. I did notice the Christmas candy was all gone and someone had tried to peel the plastic banana. On you're way the fridge to get me a beer please drop the fruit cake in the closet. God knows it'll keep.
