Inside the TTP Closet Part E III

[SC]

Bennifer: My idea of the noon news hour isn’t hearing about the latest in the lives of these two tragic people. 'JaymyassissoLo' and 'Ben Afcuk' can go to hell. I was planning on catching the sports highlights on Komo TV when the news casters finished up with the ‘break-up’ story. I almost switched the channel when they caught my ear stating: “Well, I’m glad we don’t have to report about those two anymore.” ~ Buh Bye!~

The two Tonys: Yes folks, I’ve recently spent countless hours viewing useless late night tv. These two Infomercial Gurus certainly take the cake: Tony Robbins(picture 1) and Tony Little.

For nearly two decades, Anthony Robbins has dedicated his life to discovering the most advanced principles for producing accelerated change.

He also leads the way in providing cutting-edge tools for individuals wanting to make radical improvements in their careers, emotional well-being, relationships, finances, time management, health and vitality, and professional growth.

Why didn't he use these techniques to help himself before marketing these 'tools'?

He also uses his dynamic skills and proven technologies to help children and the homeless.

Why are there so many hopeless, I mean 'homeless' people in the US?

Tony consults members of three royal families and provides daily and weekly coaching to several prominent world figures.
He was selected as a consultant for the regeneration of Sheffield, England and has spoken before members of the British House of Commons and the House of Lords.

He 'has' spoken, they must have tossed him on his arse before he could finish. Perhaps Fasty can tell us how Tony R. has helped out within the 'House'.

Tony Little: (picture II)I’m sorry that you were in a tragic accident years ago are were confined to a wheelchair. I’m happy that you got back to be a stronger healthier motivational individual. You’d think with all that money you’re raking in you’d grab yourself a hair stylist. For goodness sakes set those locks free and get with the program. I’ve heard that you can get loads of cash for it.

The John Henson Project on Spike TV:

Spike TV, America's network for men, is available in 86 million homes and is a division of MTV Networks. MTV Networks owns and operates the cable television programming services MTV:

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of this new programming for men, especially the trashy shows I think this wannabe TV Host needs to go. His gestures, his voice, his looks, except for that gray patch of hair on the side of his head is Will Ferrel all over the place. Those of you who watch Spike TV on Sunday nights, hell every night, will see this guys face pop up on the lower left side of the screen. “A-nnoy-ing”

The Meat Maxi Pad: What the hell does this thing do other than produce more waste for the environment? You meat lovers will know what I'm talking about when you open up a package of chops/steaks/wings/ or ground beef. Does this thing actually do anything? I say, get rid of the maxi pad, suck it up and drain those juices yourself.

The 'General' public: No, I’m not including the members or guests of TTP who take the time out to read about what’s really important. I’m talking about the people who buy into celebrity chaos. Who gives a fcuk about Brittney and her wedding scam? I think it was a ploy to take the heat off her pal Michael Jackson. Speaking of that monkey, do we really want to know if he is guilty? We know he is guilty of things, perhaps every crime known to man “it’s black, it’s white...”. I’m not sure if anyone really cares that Halle Berry was taken to hospital after hurting herself on the Vancouver set of “Catwoman”. Perhaps her head was too swollen and went to the hospital to get her stomach pumped in order to fit into her tight leather catsuit. “Whatever” Don't even get me started on the Golden Globes

How's that for the closet?

+SC

 

[knvb]

Took some doing, but I've fixed your poll. All two of you will have to re-vote though, sorry best I could do. No ones perfect you know. Except Dazza.

 

[Dude]

Only voted for Bennifer. Now, I'm an ass man, but that is just too much booty, and not enough boobie.

Halle Berry was taken to hospital after hurting herself on the Vancouver set of “Catwoman”.

Really? Where? What hospital? Wait...let me get my stalking binoculars.

Perhaps her head was too swollen and went to the hospital to get her stomach pumped in order to fit into her tight leather catsuit.

God bless stomach pumps.

 

[Hands of Stone]

5 fer 5 from HOS for this ONE.

First Benifer, the best thing about this couple was hearing all the stories of Ben licking box in west van. after a night at Brandi's, sound like there was all kinds of fun. Without strippers that can put thier ankles behind thier ears, what good is any story on this couple.

The two tony's, good on them for making millions of pathetic americans, but we do not need to see them anymore.

The Hanson project, sensei is more entertaining than this guy, enough said, get rid of him.

Don't know much about pads, but myself I like something that has a string hanging off it, so you can pull it out and make a cup of tea. Bye Bye pad.

General Public, hate em, get em off the road.

hos

 

[SC]

a cup of tea.

HOS, you could have told me you were only into the stringy stuff now. I guess lunch is off, 3rd week in a row

I wish I could vote and vote some more. The more I think about that Henson project the more I get angry

 

[SC]

where the hell is Fasty?

You've been quiet on this one, we need some witty comment of yours to get the votes out. Drum roll please...

 

[Fastshow]

Sorry for the delay, I'm sure you've both been losing sleep over my lack of TTP Closet activity. And for Christ's sake please put the drum away, it's doing my nut.

The so-called phenomenon of Matt Damon's chum and that obnoxious bint with the huge toilet and disturbing lack of any discernible talent is a matter of cosmic indifference to me. We're now being bombarded by 'news' of the fact the washed-up slapper, the modern day Elizabeth Taylor, apparently, is seeking comfort with that most gentlemanly of sorts, Puff Daddy. Or whatever he's calling himself this week. Give me strength. I'd appreciate it if someone could tell me, in four words, why that cnut is deemed to be in possession of any talent either. Best thing that happened to him was that his fat bastard mate died and that Sting needed more royalty cheques for his bastard rain forest experiment. Arse.

I find it more worrying that you, SC, watch the noon news. One of the biggest parasites in the modern world, in my most humble, is the newsreader who thinks she's a celebrity that is the cringe-inducing Deborah Hope on BCTV. Now, I haven't lived in Vancouver for two and a half years so it is my great hope for the continuation of our species that that creature has been taken out back and beaten to death with a lead pipe. Most days she looked as though she'd already had a sesh with a heavy-metal utensil. Fcuking minger and full of her own self-importance. But, as ever, I digress. In a similar vein to your TTP Closet nomination, if I have to see one more picture of the burnt baboon's backside that is Janet cnuting Jackson and that insufferable Timberbollocks twat with her titty hanging out I refuse to take any accountability for my actions. 'It was an accident, ' they croon. Fcuk off. It was no more an accident than the Holocaust was an accident and both fill me with equal sentiments of revulsion. It was the only way the three-ringed circus known fondly to insipid North Americans as the Super Bowl could get into the news in more sophisticated parts of the world. Full-stop. You've got my vote.

I have no idea who Tony Little is but to have emerged from spasticity to be able-bodied again is worthy of a certain amount of praise I would have thought. William Hill continue to refuse to give me odds on old Stevie Hawking doing the lambada ever again. As for the other cnut? If he suggested to the Royals they off Diana then he's all right with me. If he didn't, he can get stuffed and fcuk off while he's at it. Such self-help gurus exist for the kind of fat, spotty, friendless wankers who can't think for themselves, nevermind motivate themselves to be of any use to the betterment of mankind. Still, people like Dazza need all the support they can get, if it involves staying up until silly o'clock watching the box then at least they're out of my fcuking way. I can't vote for this, I'm afraid. Without cnuts like these there'd only be more fcukwits getting in my way. So, selfishly, I have a use for such types.

I don't know who John Henson is. I was under the illusion he'd died several years ago having forged a hugely lucrative living out of shoving his hands up the arses of puppets. Spike TV, however, sounds rubbish. And American men and the women who love them are cnuts. You've got my vote.

Without your meat maxi-pad, the juices from unfrozen meat would, quite literally, bloody go all over your other shopping. And I couldn't condone that. I also don't give a shiny shite about the environment so you won't win any votes from me banging on about trees, whales, fcuking ozone, or how it takes a styrofoam Big Mac box 70 million years to decompose. It takes the bleeding Big Mac longer to pass through my system so, surely, that's something that wants addressing before we start droning on about getting our rivers up to snuff in order for salmon to once again swim about mindlessly. Who's more important? Me or a fcuking fish? Bollocks. I'm currently entertaining a young lady from Vancouver who told me, and I still find this difficult to believe, that Vancouver is considering making it illegal for people not to 'recycle'. With all the shiting vagrants staggering about in Downtown Vancouver, I've yet to hear of a more plausible recycling programme anywhere in the world. If the soap-dodging intravenous lunatics get their hands grubby as they scrounge about my bins as a result of my meat maxi-pad, then job's done. So, no vote from me on this one.

For your final nomination, see my first response. I will, however, say that I do care about Halle Berry's stomach. I also care about her legs, her neck, and her nose. The thought of anything untoward coming to her fanny or her arse makes me shake like a shitting dog. And her Golden Globes? Magic.

I'll vote for this despite your abhorrent example of the splendid example of womanhood that is el Berry.

 

[Fastshow]

Right then.

Poll closed, three outta five ain't bad, SC.

Time for your nomination for the next TTP Closet contestant.


Get on with it then.

 

[SC]

Show of hands then? Any nominations? I'm leaning in on Auntie Jinks...

 

[Fastshow]

No wonder his back's fcuked then.

It's your nomination, no one else's.

Sort yourself out, woman.

 

[knvb]

Fcuk this is as painful as doing renovations and watching paint dry . If something doesn't happen soon I'm going to wreak havoc... Jinky I think that is as close to a nomination as one can get from SC. Please, for the love of the inner circle, go with it.

 

[Hands of Stone]

Here is a good one, why don't the both of you go head to head with your picks, who ever gets the most put in the TTP Closet gets to stay on TTP, the loser can have a Dazza type break for a month or so.
Kind of like a TTP Cage match with a little more typing and thought involved.

My money is on Jinky. How does that sound boys, may spice things up around here a bit.

hos

 

[Fastshow]

...why don't the both of you go head to head with your picks....

Because that would make it a popularity contest. And, more importantly, it would involve one member of the inner circle voting against another. And, based on the last meeting of the inner circle, that would be a contravention of page XI, paragraph C, line {} of The Official Charter.

And, while I'm all for spicing things up around here, TTP's been like the Marie Celeste of late, only Dazza is certified (enough) to have a Dazza-type break. I don't know that anyone else has the same quantity of home renovations or paint-watching-dry as he.


If SC hadn't blasted excrement all over the TTP Closet's sheets none of this would be necessary.......

 

[Fastshow]

This is ineptitude on a wholly unprecedented scale.


Anyone fancy teeing off on five things for the TTP Closet? The floor, so to speak, is open.

Not all at once.........

 

[SC]

Sorry...

I have to blame a full time job and life responsibility for not paying attention to this matter. I say Throbby takes it, since he has lots of time on his hands...

 

[Jinky]

SC,

Was that so hard?


DoubleentendreyesIknow.