Gazza - Love him or loathe him, one of the greatest entertainers

[Buckfast]

Paul Gascoigne is winning his battle against the bottle - but has admitted getting through Christmas will be hard.

The 36-year-old former England midfielder said: "I'm just trying to cope with life without drink - but Christmas will be tough.

"Its been hard work and it'll be hard over Christmas - but I've got to accept I've got an alcohol problem and I can't drink again. I'm gutted - but then I think of some of the things I did when I was drinking," added Gascoigne, whose hopes of a return to the Premiership were ended by Wolves after a recent trial.


Saddens me, this. I know what Jinky, Captain and the bhoys think of him (a la Flute Band). Surely they'd agree, he was a rare talent?

Buckfast

 

[CDK]

My fondest memory of Gazza was him walking off the field in the 1990 World Cup after losing to the Germans...

Here's the picture of your hero, Buckfast.

Crying like a little girl...

 

[Captain Shamrock]

Even though he played for Tottenham, I couldn't like him. He was a fcuking arse hole. Talent wise, he was obviously a good player but his lack of respect for his opponents on the park always overshadowed this. The fact that he played for the Huns made him that much harder to tolerate.

 

[Jinky]

Bobby Robson said it best when he described him as being,

daft as a brush.

 

[Beanbag]

Just watched an informative documentary on Gazza the other night. It followed him during his time in China.

It's clear to see he's crackers. He weeps uncontrollably and has numerous anxiety attacks.

The only time he passes for sane is when 5 bellies and his father visit and get him drunk. Now I'm no shrink but..... I think there's a pattern there. His dad is rough as fcuk, so you can see where he get's it from. Maybe a move away from these so called friends and family would do him the world of good.

Although the program did suggest now that he was back with his ex-wife and kids he was working really hard to stay on the straight and narrow. Stay tuned...

 

[Fastshow]

Dunston's finest.......

Here's the link to the programme Beano's banging on about. I'd never seen Gazza Senior before and, as Beano mentions, it's hardly surprising his son turned out to be as mad as a hatter. Common as muck with his dyed black salad and earrings halfway up his lugs.


For all his foibles (similar to a doily), the man was a genius with a football and it's just sad that he wasted such an auspicious talent on booze, fags, and knocking bells out of his missus. The same can be said about Gazza.

Anyone who could score a goal the likes of the one he knocked in against the jocks (chips Hendry with his left before smacking it in with his right) deserves a special place in football history.

With Bryan Robson at Bradford and with City rooted near the bottom of their division, don't be surprised for the Gazza circus to pitch up next in Yorkshire.

 

[Rangerforever]

Gazza

Unfcukingbelievable player.

Biased? Yes, obviously.

The stuff he did like burp loudly right into an Itie's microphone after a Lazio match and laugh his arse off was pure comedy.

Buying a bunch of schoolkids ice cream while on the street one day and giving them each 100 pound notes, not only proved he's an idiot with his money, but proved where his heart was at the end of the day.

The showmanship on the pitch, like or not Captain as he was shoving goals down your throat, , added to the atmosphere of the game whatever any of your opinions are of him.

Daft as a brush, and has serious problems? Absolutely - He was, and is, a loose cannon.

Haven't read your link yet Fasty, but intend to.

One of the top 10 players of our generation IMO and one of the greatest tragedies of all time was him being denied by Hoddle and not being included in England's France '98 side.

I'maGerforever

 

[Walks]

The Genius of Gazza .......

I'm sure most of you have seen these but it's still worth the read again. Fcuking legend ........

1) One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals' Danny Baker and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full kit, boots included.

2) When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse: "Church Of England."

3) On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go" on a workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily pounded the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.

4) On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big- money move to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman that he reminded him of Russ Abbot.

5) Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of augmenting team line-ups with footage of each player mouthing his own name. Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing 'fcuking wanker.' Broadcasters across the world had to use it all the way through the tournament.

6) Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate Tony Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.

7) Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for England's upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "Yes. Fcuk off, Norway. Then ran off laughing.

8) When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped
enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined GBP39,000.

9) Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions. Looked a fool and had them taken out a day later.

10) After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent flowers to the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton.'

11) Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The bus driver said yes, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's impromptu performance.

12) Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones after the infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in return..

13) Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he knew to be a transvestite.

14) Has taken the piss out of refs constantly during his career. On one occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding his hand high to signal a free kick.

15) While attempting to deflect the 'kebab controversy' which spelled the beginning of the end of his England career, assured reportersthat his doner-munching antics following Middlesbrough's promotion to the Premiership would in no way affect his fitness before France 98. One reporter asked: "What do you feel like now?" Back came the inevitable response: "I feel like a kebab with onions.

16) Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia 90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing the legend 'Gazza.'

17) On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet Show's Swedish Chef.

18) Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out the filling and replaced it with cat excrement.

19) Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen wearing nothing but his training socks and ordered lunch.

20) Paid GBP320 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for local kids.

21) Whilst dining in the prestigious Bedford Arms Hotel in Woburn with a few of his Geordie mates, decided to place his erect member on the shoulder of a diner at the next table. Thinking someone had tapped him on the shoulder the gentleman turned his head only to have Gazza's helmet prod him in the cheek.

22) Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key and knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled housewife inside that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she preferred Daz or Omo.

23) Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground and caused GBP310,000 worth of damage.

24) While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping team-mate Richard Gough.

25) Handed GBP1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the burly boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the bridge of his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice.

26) After briefly giving up drinking, was advised to find a new interest. Picked bingo.

27) Bought a GBP1000 robot and programmed it to travel into Jimmy Five Bellies' room at Gazza Towers and announce: "Make a cup of tea, fat man."

28) Was banned from Liverpool's Cream nightclub in advance within days of joining Everton last summer, because the Evertonians who own the place wanted him to avoid temptation and stay fit

29) When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to
finalise the deal with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel in Hadley Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc. Gazza met then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd like to thank you for the best three days of our lives."

30) Was asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after
guests were treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across the duck pond.

31) Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed
off with a cheery "Happy Christmas, you fcuking wankers."

32) Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for
silence, then farting at ear-splitting volume.

33) Told an interviewer that he was so superstitious about the
number 13 that he couldn't ever bear to see the numbers 4 and 9 together. Oddly, the combination of 5 and 8 was deemed OK.

34) After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands with virtually every member of the Genoa side.

35) While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there
was no bacon for breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and there's no bloody bacon!"

 

[Dapotayto]

A few more...

During his apprenticeship at Newcastle United, he was given the responsibility of cleaning Kevin Keegan's boots, keen to impress his mates, he took the boots home to show them off, but left them on the Newcastle Underground.

On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave his minder the slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in a cupboard. The minder thought he'd committed suicide.

Turned up for England training the morning after then-manager Bobby Robson had called him "daft as a brush" with a floor brush sticking out of his socks.

Gazza tried to prove that refs have a sense of humour by yellow-carding the referee after the official had dropped his card during a Rangers v Hibs game. He was booked for his troubles.

As an apprentice desperate to impress then-Newcastle boss Jack Charlton, spent a week's money on fishing gear and begged the famous angler to give him a lesson. On arrival at the riverbank, Charlton promptly threw all but the rod out into the water, then poured a bottle of Newcastle Brown into the water, dipped in the rod and within seconds was pulling out a whopper - lesson over!!

Ever the practical joker, Gazza once replaced best pal Jimmy 'five bellies' Gardiner's hair gel with hair removing cream.

 

[Rangerforever]

Walks & Dap

Cheers lads, that's exactly what I'm on about.

And from your picture there, that goal against us in Euro '96 was the best goal other than Super Ally's of that tournament.
As much as it hurt after McAllister's missed peno, it was pure magic.

 

[Guinness]

Brilliant stuff lads

Pure genius without a brain... (figure that one out KNVB)

 

[Dapotayto]

Forgot a couple...

While reputation preceded him to Italy, the English language did not. Hence, his Lazio debut was marked by a banner which read: 'Gazza's Boys, We Are Here. Shake Your Women And Drink Your Beer'.

Conversely, rival supporters once hailed him with a banner which stated bluntly: 'Paul Gazza, You Are Fat Poofta'.


Gaz may have some serious problems with booze but so does George Best and at least Gascoigne is/was funny. Hopefully there will be some 'Gazza' moments from the TTP dinner tonight.

 

[Captain Shamrock]

That's a list anyone should be proud of. Fcuking great stuff. He is probably the funniest footballer ever. What a guy. Cnut. He is/was a fcuking moron who could play football. I think that is what you are all saying? Did I mention that he was a cnut. I can't comment now because he might be getting his head together.


Hopefully he makes a comeback. I heard Rangers are after a new midfielder to replace Ferguson.

 

[dazza]

In the first season after the 1990 WC, Gazza and Lineker were on fire for Spurs (note to Terry - remember the Cup SF?).

Spurs were due to play Derby at White Hart Lane. The England team had been given new cell phones by some phone company as a sponsorship deal. About an hour before the game, Gazza called Peter Shilton on his new cell phone and told him to take the new phone into the net with him, and if there was a direct free kick on the edge of the Derby box, Gazza would call him and tell him where it was going to go.

Well, I guess Shilts never listened because Gazza scored a hat that day in a 3-0 win, and two of them were free kicks from 30 yards out.

Unbelievable player on his day.

Daz