Went and watched the England/Cameroon game at the Barnet yesterday (2-2) and found the talent on the field only slightly better than the talent on the stage. Not great but then again England had 7 starters out and fielded a real young side (average age was 23). Cameroon look the part and will make the later rounds! You heard it here first!
The best player on the pitch for England without question was Owen Hargreaves. The loss of Owen to the Canadian program is huge! His control, distribution, vision and engine was everything a Canadian player doesn't have.
What with their team doing so well, many Americans have written in telling us that they will soon dominate soccer like they do all other sports not called cricket. Ahead of the Brazil big one, may we present our guide to the England team for any few American readers who are not yet totally expert on our humble game?
Goaltender with a .675 save average in last four, the Arsenal Gooners veteran dresses ahead of other netminders James and Martyn and looks for a fourth consecutive shutout. Stats breakdown of just two handling errors with no turnover. In the frame to make all-star team of the World Cup series.
Outside linebacker with awesome defensive hit ratio of 6-6-8. Will need to use his 12th ranked change-up to stay with Brazil wide receiver Denilson. Topped offensive tackle sinbins in Premiership League last semester and has rushed for 462 yards so far with 75% crossball completion axis.
Star defender of England Lions in World Cup series, also linking up with offense for powerplay from wide corner to send England on its way against Denmark Danes. Captain of defense and successor to Bob Moore, needs a huge play to live with Brazil star offender Ronaldo in the shotzone Friday.
Got awesome air for headbomb conversion from the deadball as England ties with Sweden one goal apiece in the opener, but just average (0.369) groundplay facing run-oriented offensive offender offenses. Rated third most likely centerblocker to face red-card takedown if the slam hots up.
Rookie linebacker and wing-receiver, freshman Cole dresses alongside domestic lockerbud Campbell for his 12th England show, matching 463 minutes of field time with powerplay change-up stats of 5-6-3 in the half. Vital cornerman, new shorts.
Kicked out of draft but reinstated in roster after injuries to other midfieldermen, the West Hams wingkicker showed his groundspeed and determination in repeated transglobe redeye flights prior to Tournament Japan 02. Can the rookie leap to the top of the intro charts with outside joggy work?
Posted missing as England embarrassed itself against underdog Sweden, but hit right back with power display in centerfield against Argentina in a grudge match showdown over the Maldives war. Powerblast on the upright against Nigeria in second quarter pushed kickpoint average over three for first time since 2001 draft.
Special team star and midfields captain. Has crossfields delivery success rate well into point-nine-oh's and rates as top special teams kicktaker. Ranked as most valuable player in Manchester Devils, the right linewingbackerman marked an assist in three-zip victory over Denmark, also a spot conversion against the Argentina Longhairs.
Weighing in at two-twenty-three pounds, the Liverpool Reds tight-end makes the startline despite calls for several other offensive linerunners in the bullpen. Tumbling completion rate of 0.978 and power running upfield make the offensive batterblocker a tough opponent, although has net targeting ranking of only four per bi-decade. Allocated 11 jersey in the kit register in honour of family visiting Twin Towers in early eighties.
England Lions looks to Owen as its major net sourcer and offensive matchtaker. Rush average and controlled dribble holding figure in top quartile of all-time stats, plus tedium quotient among all-time bore champions of soccer. Question over interception completion logarithm against fly balls in the defense quarter.
> 1. We started with a dismal draw
> 2. We beat argentina 1-0
> 3. The WC holders went out in the first phase
> 4. Our captain was a blond genius from Essex
> 5. The Koreans knocked out the Italians
> 6. Our No10 scored a hat trick against the Germans
> 7. We had a calm, focused manager who sat on the bench as everyone went potty
> 8. 3 of the squad played for west ham
> 9. The host nation drove on the left
> 10. 1 Beatle married a blonde model
> 11. Labour were in power
> 12. Elvis was in the charts
> the year .....
Subject: theory of 3964..?????????
> Top FIFA boffins sat down and analyzed many giga bites of statistics in an
> > attempt to deduce through strictly Euclidian. Mathematical methods, in
> advance of the games being played, who would win the 2002 World Cup.
> Here now for the first time is the amazing results of their work and also
> 100% > certain forecast of who will win the game between England and
> > > > > > >
> The last time Brazil Won the world Cup was 1994, before that it was 1970
> 1994 + 1970 = 3964
> The last time Argentina won the World Cup was 1986, before that it was
> 1986 + 1978 = 3964
> The last time Germany won the World Cup was 1990, before that it was 1974
> 1990 + 1974 = 3964
> Therefore to reveal who the winners of the 2002 is simple, Subtract 2002
> from 3964...
> 2002 - 3964 = 1962
> In 1962 the World Cup was held in Chile the competition was won by Brazil
> Therefore it is a mathematical certainty that England are fu#ked !
> Hurray for Science !!!
Good shout, however you forgot to consider the possibility of Hargreaves starting!!! Let me have a go...
Born and raised just north of Montana, Owen is beleived to be a frequent visitor to the United States. It is obvious to the every day North American, he developed his skills by immitating the likes of soccer great Aleski Lallas. With a turnover ratio of 5 give aways to 45 take aways in 2 World Cup outtings thus far, this talented youngster has a knack for knicking the ball. His clear defensive abilities in centre field can be attributed to his speed (runs the 40 in less than 4.5). Rumors persist he is home sick and looking to leave the dreadful Olympic Stadium in Munich and relocate in the MLS. Only time will tell.
> > SVEN TAKES SEAMAN DROP ON CHIN
> > SVEN FINDS SEAMAN DROP DIFFICULT TO SWALLOW
> > ENGLAND SLIP AFTER SEAMAN SPILL
> > POOR QUALITY SEAMAN LEAVES BITTER TASTE FOR SVEN
> > RIVALDO CATCHES SEAMAN AS ENGLAND GO DOWN
> > ENGLAND BLOW AS RIVALDO CATCHES SEAMEN AT EDGE OF BOX
> > LATE SPURT CAN'T DISGUISE LOW QUALITY SEAMAN
> > ULRIKA COMFORTS SVEN AFTER EARLY SEAMAN SPILL
> > ENGLAND'S MORNING GLORY FADES AFTER SEAMAN STICKY SPOT
> > The England goalkeeper blames his defenders' positioning:
> > SEAMEN RUNS DOWN WALL AS ENGLAND GO DOWN
> > ULRIKA 'VERY DISAPPOINTED' AS REIGN OF SEAMAN ENDS
> > SVEN'S HOPE OF SECOND HALF CLEAN SHEET ENDS AFTER SEAMAN SPILL
> > I'VE HAD A BELLYFUL OF SEAMEN SAYS DISGUSTED ENGLAND MANAGER
> > POORLY POSITIONED SEAMAN LEAVES SVEN FRUSTRATED