Blonde Jokes

[Regs]

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip.

She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly -- tools in the right place, chair positioned just so, everything.

Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that you Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skating rink!"

 

[Regs]

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things .....

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head,and declares,
Nah....not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

 

[Regs]

Blonde Detectives

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers: "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...he has one eye because the picture shows his PROFILE, a SIDE VIEW. That's just ONE SIDE of him!"

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her:

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says:

"Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds: "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks: "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says: "Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer! Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied.

"He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear!"

 

[Demolition]

Fishing

Three blondes were standing at a river bank with their fishing lines in the
water. A fish and wildlife warden approached and asked, "Do you gals
have fishing licenses?" They all replied, "no." He then asked them to pull
their fishing lines out of the water. The first blonde pulled out her line and
the warden saw a magnet on the end of the line. He said, "Well, a magnet
huh, looks like you're really not fishing." Then he asked the second blonde
to pull her line out as well. She had a magnet on her line too. And so did
the third blonde. The game warden told the gals to just keep doing what
they were doing. He thought to himself, whatever they're doing it sure as
hell isn't fishing. After he left, one blonde said, "How stupid, we're fishing
for stealhead!"

 

[Demolition]

SEND THIS WARNING TO EVERYONE ON YOUR EMAIL LIST.


IF A MAN COMES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR AND SAYS HE IS CONDUCTING A SURVEY AND ASKS YOU TO SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS, "DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS!"



THIS IS A SCAM; HE ONLY WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBSS.



I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.



Signed,



A Blonde

--

 

[Demolition]

A blond and a red head were walking down the street. As they got to the flower shop the red head said "oh-no John is buying me flowers again"
The blond asked "don't you like your boyfriend to buy you flowers?"
The red head answers "I love the flowers, it's just that I will have to spend a week on my back."
The blond replies "Why? Don't you own a vase??"

 

[Demolition]

1 . Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a
> > regular one?
> > You have to hollow out the head.
> >
> > 2. Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
> > They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters
> >
> > 3. Hear about the blonde that got an AM RADIO?
> > It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
> >
> > 4. What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
> > They drowned in Spring Training.
> >
> >
> > 5. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
> > To see what was on the other side.
> >
> > 6. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
> > The cow stepped on her.
> >
> > 7. How did the blonde burn her nose?
> > Bobbing for French fries.
> >
> > 8. Why do blondes have more fun?
> > They are easier to amuse.
> >
> > 9. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
> > Frosted flakes.
> >
> > 10. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
> > They keep breaking them with the hammer.
> >
> > 11. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow in the air?
> > She missed.
> >
> > 12. What is it when a blonde blows into another blondes ear?
> > Data transfer.
> >

 

[number2]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches
up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck,
and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window
and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are
losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up
to his truck, and knocks on the door. Again, the
trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken,
the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather and
you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath the blonde gets out of her car, runs
up to his truck, and knocks on the truck door. The
trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name
is Heather ! and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and
races to the next light. When he stops this time, he
hurriedly gets out of the truck and runs back to the
blonde. He knocks on her window and as she lowers it,
he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and
I'm driving the SALT TRUCK