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You know you're as drunk as HOS when...


Better Bastard
Aug 17, 2001
Dirty Money
A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter
and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses
there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the
bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay ten dollars and, if you pass three tests, you get
all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three

"Pay first," says the bartender. "Those are the rules." So the man
give him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do.

"First, you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila...
the whole thing, all at once... and you can't make a face while
doing it."

"Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth.
You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands."

"Third, there's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has never reached
orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an
idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of
pepper tequila, and then do those other things ..."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he

"Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.
Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and
soon all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle
going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy
screaming, the pit bull yelping and then.... silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back
into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large, bloody scratches all
over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

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