Why Condoms Come in Boxes of 3, 6, or 12

[Regs]

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively.
"Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks,
"Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"

 

[Ballbaby]

Poor Dave.

Dave works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then
spends most evenings bowling, playing basketball or working out at the gym. His wife, Mary, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?" Mary is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. Mary is now becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser." "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "want your usual table dance?" Mary, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots his wife getting into a cab. Before Mary can slam the door, Dave jumps in beside her. Right away she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

 

[Ballbaby]

Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them
in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful
daughter who was single.

One day he decided to throw a huge party, and during the party he
announced, "My dear guests, I have a proposition for every man here. I
will give $1 million or my daughter to the man who can swim across this
pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large
SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he had. The
crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the
other side unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy, that was incredible!
Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of
the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the $1 million?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your
daughter! I just want the name of the mother-fcuker who pushed me in!"

 

[knvb]

What a way to go

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've something' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin'ya, Brenda There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery. . . " "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me. . . " "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, no Brenda . . . no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

 

[knvb]

Can you relate?

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home
from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving
violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver,"where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile."Did you know,"says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."

 

[knvb]

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just
been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?"asks Sean, the bartender." Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,"says Paddy. "That little shite, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." That he did,"says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy."Mrs.O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless
in a fight."