Texas Tale

Regs

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A Texan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average down home, folks...like I said, my boy's a typical Texas baby
boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you; so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised".
 

striker14

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Good one Regs

This is nasty...don't say you weren't warned ;)

This guy is told by his doctor that he has leprocy and only has 2 months to live. The guy decides to do as much as he can within that time so he decides to go see a baseball game. He buys the tickets and enters the Stadium. He looks around for a seat that won't have too many people around him because of his appearance and foul stench. He sees an area with only a couple of guys in it and proceeds to walk over. He says to one guy..."excuse me, as you can see I have a horrible disease called leprocy and I will understand if you wish me not to sit next to you." The guy without even looking over waves him to sit down and "shut up" because he is watching the game.
The Lepper sits down and begins to watch...about 15 minutes in the guy next to him begins puking his guts out...nachos, beer, etc... The Lepper says, "sir, I understand, I will leave." The hurler says, "it's not you, just sit down and watch the game." The Lepper sits down and continues watching the game. About 10 minutes later, the guy begins hurling again and the Lepper says, "sir, obviously I repulse you, I will leave." The guy again waves him to sit down and says it isn't him. The lepper sits down and not a minute later, the guy is ralphing...the Lepper says, "that's it, I'm leaving..." and the guy says, "it's not you..." so the Lepper says, "if it's not you, why are you getting so sick?" The hurler says, "it's the guy behind you...he is dipping his nachos into your back!!"

HA HA HA...love it :p
 

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