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Rumours and other unsubstantiated bollocks....

Fastshow

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Glasgow Ranger's winger Allan Johnston sat with Steve McClaren last night as 'Boro reserves drew 2-2 with their Man. Utd. counterparts at the Riverside. Either he enjoys watching shite football (he has been playing in the Scottish League afterall) or a move to Premiership giants Middlesbrough F.C. could be imminent. And wouldn't that be nice?
 

Fastshow

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Big Ben

Middlesbrough are talking with Celta Vigo about a one year loan deal for South African striker Benni McCarthy, a 'boro target for a few years now.

Gazza was seen at Darlington's new stadium being shown around by a club official. In today's Telegraph Gazza is quoted as saying he'd like to be included in the Everton side at Old Trafford this weekend. The Darlo connection came from a phone-in done on Channel 4's Big Breakfast programme. Always a reliable source.
 

Fastshow

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today's boro rumour....

Today's 'boro rumour has Steve McClaren putting in a £12 million bid for Derby's Seth Johnson. Having watched Seth Johnson two weeks ago against Fulham I must say I'm very excited about this development. Not excited in a sexual way, of course, just excited.

The other news from this side of things came in last night to Sweet Fanny Adams who is working in PR at the moment in the City. Based on a 'reliable' source at The News of the World, the Queen Mum, bless her cotton socks, died yesterday at her Balmoral home. True, the words 'reliable' and 'News of the World' have never been written in the same sentence before in the history of the English language but, for any conspiracy theorists out there, there may be some truth to it. Get the Friday work day out of the way before releasing the news that will bring those of fragile and romantic disposition to their knees. Only time will tell. TTP could be the first website to break this tragic news.


The Queen Mum (February 15 1066BC- September 6 2001)
 

Fastshow

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Macca

Today's papers have Real about to announce that Steve McManaman is to be transfer listed for £8 million. So far Liverpool, Leeds, Villa, and the Arse are keen to acquire the floppily-haired ponce.

Today's 'boro rumour comes from the always reliable teamtalk.com and has Dwight 'I shagged Caprice' Yorke going to the Riverside for £10 million.

Drug addled Hand of God twat Diego Maradona has told the hard-up-for-a-story Sunday People he would like to manage an English club. During the 16 hour interview it is suspected he also wanked on about the fact he was beaten by his father, how he misses his Mum, how he regrets being such a fat bastard, and how he feels a strange rapport with trees, clouds, squirrels and faeries. He'd be perfect for Chelsea.

No further news on the Queen Mum rumour but I still believe she's gone and a stunt double has been employed in her place.
 

Fastshow

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How the once mighty have fallen....

From sporting-life.com
DC United coach Ray Hudson believes America could provide Paul Gascoigne with the perfect sanctuary in which to wind down the last few years of his playing career.

Gascoigne will fly out to Washington on Wednesday to spend a week with the Major League Soccer outfit with a view to making a permanent move across the Atlantic.

"He sounds very, very enthusiastic about it," Hudson, a fellow Geordie, told BBC Radio Five Live.

"He's very eager to get back to enjoying his football and also get away from the tabloid hysteria as best he can.

"The impression I got is he wants to move on with his life in several areas, and he really wants to enjoy the game again.

"He's seen the way we play here in the United States, he was impressed with our World Cup performance, and he's hoping to really be able to enjoy the last few years of his career.

"By and large Paul Gascoigne is a completely unknown commodity here.

"I've been trying to explain to people Gazza's notoriety and his fame is probably three or four times as big as somebody like Michael Jordan is over here, and they find that incredible.

"He'll be pretty much totally anonymous in the DC area and he'll be able to blend in as a complete unknown.

"George Best went through the same thing here and enjoyed that privacy and lack of notoriety."

Gascoigne's agent Ian Elliott confirmed that the 35-year-old former England midfielder is keen to give it a go in America if the deal is right.

"I just think it is a natural progression for him to take," Elliott told Sky Sports News. "He's always said he wanted to play there.

"He may get there and decide it's not for him or he may get there and they may decide he's not for them. But the move does appeal to Paul."
 

Guinness

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Fasty

I have found some of these posts in your wee "Rumours and other unsubstantiated bollocks" thread some what informative, but mostly amusing that you actually type with a 'Boro' slant on things!!! Who the fcuk cares about those wanks from the north??? I thought only Sunderland and Newcastlewere worth talking about??? Yeh it is somewhat admirable that they were formed in the late 80's and quickly climbed through the ranks of Div.4 to Div.1 (now known as the Premiership)... However, for you to show off that tattoo in public (something I haven't seen you do since your Britannia summer League days) shows loyalty to a mickey mouse outfit...

justadding2centsbecauseyouhavebeentalkingtoyourself;)
 

Walks

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Apparently Washington's Kebab shops are exceptional .....

From soccernet .......

Officials at Washington's DC United have questioned a move for Paul Gascoigne after learning he once beat up his ex-wife Sheryl.

Image-conscious Major League Soccer is desperate to preserve its reputation as a friendly, family sport and has asked DC manager Ray Hudson to 'carefully assess the player' before completing any deal.

Gazza, 35, flies to Washington this week with his agent to discuss a possible two-season stint in the States but MLS insiders believed the deal was off 10 days ago when questions were first raised about the midfielder's past. Hudson said: 'When a serious talent like Paul Gascoigne becomes available, you give it serious consideration. But there has also been some concern over Gazza's admissions a few years back of physically abusing his wife.'

However, MLS commissioner Don Garber said: 'Everybody is entitled to have a right to prove that they're a different person and have learned from their mistakes.'
 

Regs

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Officials at Washington's DC United have questioned a move for Paul Gascoigne after learning he once beat up his ex-wife Sheryl
How fcuking out-of-touch are these Yanks with the football world?

Just learning? :rolleyes:

Anyone have some Liverpool rumours?

~Regstryingnottowalkalonetoday.
 

Fastshow

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front-bottom

Jesus H. Christ Guinness, the 'boro were formed in the late 1880's but went into receivership in 1986 and were bailed out by their current chairman. Everyone knows that. Thus, the 1986 on their club crest. You mention Britannia and 'mickey mouse outfits' in the same sentence. That's the most sense I've ever seen you post. Jesper Blomqvist is currently at the 'boro on trial as they tour Austria. Please update your records.

I thought you'd have been at the airport this morning to greet Beanbag with a lovely bouquet as he stepped off the plane. Have you two had a row?

Just for you..... Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's draw with Germany.

Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight,
Paddy".

Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face.

"I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."

 

Guinness

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Classic

I've heard that one ages ago, but it still brings a grin to my face;)

BTW, sorry for not knowing soo much about the recievership and cash strapped 'Boro, where have I been??? I should know about important stuff like that!!!:rolleyes:
 

Walks

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How the fcuck do you pronounce their names ???

Regs,

Heard one very interesting rumour: because they didn't sign Bowyer, Liverpool are now after Damien Duff ......

New signings so far: El-Hadji Diouf, Bruno Cheyrou, Alou Diarra and Salif Diao
 

Buckfast

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Gyp-O's

Spurs have made an audacious double swoop to strengthen their team by almost signing Ronaldo and Vieri.

Boss Glenn Hoddle said "I think this will prove to everyone how ambitious we are and that we are the top club in Europe. This continues the good progress from when we almost signed Schevchenko last year and only last week we almost signed Rivaldo. If any of the top players in the world become
available will can guarantee that we will almost sign them."

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson was quoted as saying " I just don't know how we can compete with Spurs. We signed Rio Ferdinand and straight away Spurs respond by almost signing Rivaldo, Ronaldo and Vieri."

Arsene Wenger stated "Spurs are ruining the game with their monopoly on almost signing people. The rest of us just don't stand a chance. I would have loved to have almost signed these 3 players but we are just not in a position to compete."

Commenting on the subject Harry Redknapp said "Give us 50 quid and you can quote me as saying anything you want."

In the meantime Spurs confirm that they have signed Chinese squad player Kwang Dang Knee Hang, but this will not stop them from their policy of almost signing many more top class players.
 

Fastshow

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pitiful........

How the mighty have not only fallen but continue to explore new and unprecedented levels of embarrasment...........

Off the BBC:


Malta could hold the key to Paul Gascoigne's hope of getting back into professional football.
Maltese outift Marsaxlokk have announced the former England international is to fly out to the Mediterranean island on Tuesday to discuss a possible move.

The club are reported to be ready to offer Gascoigne a salary of £12,500 a month, plus an apartment in the exclusive resort of St Julian's.

Clubs linked with Gazza
DC United (USA)

Queen of the South:

Dundee

Auckland Kingz (NZ)

Exeter City

Morpeth

Northampton
Gillingham

Leeds Utd


Marsaxlokk chairman Hermann Schiavone said: "We have spoken to the player and he told us that he will be making travel arrangements.

"Gascoigne will arrive in Malta on Tuesday. If he arrives in the morning, he could even attend a first training session in the afternoon."

Gascoigne has worked intensely to regain the fitness needed to make a return to the game.

But since being released by Burnley at the end of last season, he has failed to find a club.

The former Newcastle, Tottenham, Rangers, Middlesbrough and Everton midfielder has been linked with numerous clubs, but for various reasons has failed to gain a contract.

Only last month, Gascoigne pleaded with former manager Terry Venables to give him a chance at Leeds United.

Apparently last Sunday's New of the World (I only read the top Sunday papers) has yet to arrive in Malta.........

FALLEN soccer ace Paul Gascoigne is suffering from a disturbing mental condition that may have finished off his football career for good.

The ex-England star told the News of the World he has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder—a psychological problem that leaves sufferers slavishly following bizarre self-imposed rituals and routines.

Gazza, 35, revealed: "I need help. Everything has got to be just right. My house has to be spotless at all times. It drives me mad.

"I check the doors and turn lights on and off so many times. It's a terrible condition.

"Sometimes I've locked the door of the house, got 20 miles up the motorway, turned round, come back and checked the door again.

"I've got to try and stop doing it and just move on. Maybe I'll have to see a hypnotist.

"I'm just like Jack Nicholson in that movie. It's stopping me from leading a normal life." Nicholson won a Best Actor Oscar for his role in As Good As It Gets, which raised awareness of OCD.

He played obsessive-compulsive New York writer Melvin Udall— who couldn't walk on the cracks in pavements or stop washing his hands—until he was drawn back to normality by a cafe waitress.



But alcoholic Gazza, who says he's had OCD for years, seemed a long way from a cure when he gave us his last big interview.

First the ex-Spurs, Newcastle and Rangers midfielder insisted he could not answer questions about football until he'd straightened a gold chain that he'd removed from his neck with shaking hands.

The Geordie hero said: "I've got to get it straight. I can't put it on until it's just right." He held the chain in both his hands and let it fall loose before pulling it straight.

He did that at least 30 times, becoming increasingly agitated,until he was satisfied the chain was straight and put it back on.

Then he moved on to his Rolex watch. Time after time, he undid the expensive-looking metal strap, let the watch hang loose around his wrist, then did it up again. This went on for ten minutes as Gazza— not drunk but slurring his words— explained his condition.

"I have to make sure everything is just right," he said. "If it isn't I can't move on. I'm obsessed."

Gazza was at the centre of another health scare last week when he was rushed to hospital complaining that the left side of his face had gone numb. There were fears he had suffered a stroke but his dad John, 56, who was with him at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Gateshead, said his son had simply been suffering from a "nipped nerve".

However witnesses were shocked at the star's appearance, saying he looked "as thin as a rake".

Divorced dad Gazza, who split from wife Sheryl after he beat her up, had been staying with his family in the north-east over the festive season and his father insisted: "Paul is fine."

But a close friend of Gazza reckons the star, who has been taking prescription drugs for depression for years, has serious problems.

The pal—until recently professionally involved with Gazza—said: "He's away with the fairies,completely and utterly gone.

"It's not the booze but the prescription drugs that have done it. Gazza has been drugged up to the eyeballs for years and it's taken its toll on his mind.



"He used to be sharp and funny, but now he slurs his words and has trouble making any sense at all. It's why he keeps having these very short trials with soccer clubs.

"Managers gladly have a look at Gazza. Then they realise he is beyond hope. It is very sad but true. You'll never see Paul playing professionally again."

Gazza has been trying to get one last chance as a player, but he has failed to win a contract since leaving Burnley last summer. It's all a far cry from his glory days when the ace, who won 57 caps for England, had the footballing world at his feet.

He became a global star during the 1990 World Cup finals in Italy and clinched a £5.5million move from Spurs to Lazio in 1992.

He starred for the national side again during Euro 96, but his injury-plagued career went into freefall after he was left out of Glenn Hoddle's plans for France 98.

Gazza told the News of the World that once he has finished playing, he wants a couple of years away from football before making a comeback,possibly as a manager.

But his pal told us: "His friends are not worried about Gazza's career. They're more concerned about his health and him having a happy and settled life.

"We're all desperately worried about Paul. His life was football and now even that's been taken away from him. He has several very tough years ahead of him. He may never make a full recovery.

"He needs a short, sharp shock to get him to move on—maybe that shock will be him realising he's finished in the game."
 

cerebral smallsy

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He needs a short, sharp shock to get

who is gazza's "pal" - roger waters?

i'm sure i can't be the first to have said this....but doesn't gazza look frighteningly similar to gord downey?....am i wrong? certainly both share a mental instability. in downey's case leads to genius and in gazza's case leads to guiness.
 

Fastshow

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Down-syndrome.......

Gord Downey? Correct me if I've got my God-awful Canadiana rawk bands muxed ip but he's the lead 'singer' with the Tragically Hip n'est-ce pas?

Robert Downey, perhaps, touch-of-the-downs most definitely but........ Gazza's time in fashion-conscious Rome clearly paid dividends with a shirt and tie combo even Ballbaby would sniff at.

Well, maybe that's a bit harsh, it is a lovely lavender hue, afterall.

Look at the man's eyes. Madder than a bath full of squirrels.
 

terry

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Andy Johnson will be practising his dance moves in the nightclubs of Liverpool if Rafa Benitez finds £8m down the back of the sofa.

:)

Fernando Torres will be getting his mullet caressed in London's trendy Islington if Arsene Wenger has his way.

:)

Steven Gerrard will be searching for his missing forehead in Madrid next season: Real have secured first option on the former Mr Jennifer Ellison.

:)

And Jon Dahl Tomasson will make an unemotional return to Newcastle when his AC Milan contract expires in the summer.

:)
 

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