Poll question for tomorrow, Friday, July 35th, 2004

Who would you choose to...get you off?


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Dapotayto

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Here is the scenario: You wake up one day to find a piece of mail summoning you to court to deal with your 23 unpaid parking tickets acquired in the municipality of Vancouver and now totalling over $1200 in charges. TTP Administrator Regs has kindly offered you free legal representation from one of the many attorneys on his staff. He will even let you decide who it is you want as your lawyer. You can choose from:

Hands of Stone: Extemely enthusiastic but literally illiterate. With his endless energy for debate he could extend the trial for years, even decades, giving you time to flee the country.

Bronco: Hard-nosed Croatian with the true killer instinct of a defense lawyer but his penchant for scoring own goals is a large risk that must be taken into consideration. Who wants to do hard time for parking ticket violations?

Fastshow: Extremely articulate, big-worded and good talking guy. Problems are he is currently MIA and probably expensive as, although his services would be free, he gets paid in British pounds.

RangerForever: Big-hearted Scotsman who if you're nice enough just might go do your jail time for you.

Sexual Chocolate: Hard partying soccer bird who likes to talk. A lot. Good chance the judge might get tired of it all and dismiss the case. SC also has a penchant for bad boys/girls which could just work in your favour other ways.

TheRob: Hard-working German. Like the Terminator, he will never stop. If he loses the case though you might have to pick his spirits up as he doesn't take losing well.

Walks: Footy referee. Blind as a bat but won't take no for an answer which might come in handy. Extremely suspect intelligence, though, as he is a Manchester United supporter. I mean, who wants to listen to that bollocks all day.

So, who would you choose to save your ass?
 

5bigtoes

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thought I might choose the sweet chocolate princess :D to get me off :confused: parking tickets that is :eek:
 

knvb

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Interesting you ask this Dap, I was just thinking the other day, who on TTP would I have represent me when, inevitably, one of my posts finally winds up the wrong person and it gets me nutted but good. Though I think you already know if you whisper enough sweet nothings into Champlain’s Keepers ear he’ll cash in some of those tokens and sort you out, but if he died suddenly and left you with nothing, God forbid he would leave you with nothing, I suppose we’ll have to look at the above options.

My take on your selected list.

HoS: You must be kidding? If you take him into a court of law I’ll then know for sure you don’t like to shower by yourself. I do hope you find a decent cell mate though. One that will keep you all to himself and won’t share you with all the boys in the yard. If not, well, with your slender frame and boyish good looks I can certainly see you being passed around more than a lighter at a Cheech & Chong up Smoke reunion tour. I’ll be sure to let your parents know soap on a rope and KY in their care packages will “ease” your first few months in, among other things.

Bronco: Wouldn’t be a bad choice to represent, but it’s doubtful he would even accept your case. You look nothing like Johhny Sulentic you see. That and it’s obviously difficult for him to stay in one place for any length of time. You wouldn’t want him leaving you for another team…errr case half way through if things looked bad, would you? My biggest fear would be if he knew you were going down he may leave for an old case. Proceed with caution on this one, Spudster.

Fastshow: This would be my choice wouldn’t it? He’s obviously well spoken innit? Unfortunately for you, he's taken his ball and gone home. Even if he hadn’t he is unavailable and unreachable at the moment. Last word was he was working with a team of editors on cutting down his new book from a saucy 1,102,883 pages to an even 1,000,000. Makes for better reading they say. It'll be an epic tale of mystery, betrayal, love and Saint. Out in paper back as soon as they clear cut all of Howe Sound.

Rangerforever: I take it you’ve never met his missus? I did last week and lets just say there is no chance in hell a man of his, how do I say… stature and follicley challengedness who has her sitting at home would ever consider actually leaving her to spend any amount of time with the likes of you. In fact I’m surprised he makes time to work at all. She lets you call her Moe you know? In fact I’m imagining the possibilities of Moe of dis and Moe dat right now.

Coffee break.

SC: She would be of no help to you, Dap. I’m not positive, but I don’t think the Supreme Court of Tickets lets you file your motions in crayon. This could be nothing but bad for you, though if she manages to get the judge alone in chambers for long enough he may dismiss the case on the grounds of insanity. Then he’ll have you evaluated. I doubt you’ll have to pee in a Dixie cup like all those other test you’ve taken in the past, but who needs the hassle?

Need Moe Coffee…

Walks: Fcuk. Choose him and you may as well add accessory to murder to your list of charges. He’ll no doubt stab the DA in the neck when he misses the most obvious of things. Things that the other 22 lawyers and 60+ jury’s sitting on the side can all see plain as day. He may even get offended, the sensitive bitch, if you try and bring theses things up and send you a red or yellow invoice charging more for his fcuking mistakes. Though it’ll be so obvious to everyone he covering for his own inaticquesces as a lawyer. You don’t need that type of aggravation, Dap.

TheRob: Well, to be honest he’s probably your best choice from the lot you’ve listed. Certainly no messing around from him what with him losing his sense of humour in that tragic oven accident. I told him not to put so many…errr pies in the oven (there not just for Cricket anymore) it may cause overheating and for the flavours to blend together, but would he listen? No of course not. He just wanted to ram as many in there as possible and get it done with. No messing around straight to the task at hand type guys are needed when dealing with such difficult and sensitive matter. Just don’t mention he war. Or Pies.

Good luck to you, Spud let me know it you need any Moe advice. Did I say Moe? Don’t say Moe.

Moely, Moely, Moely Moely…. Moooooe.
 

Dapotayto

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Hmmm...This might be a good time for Lita to jump in and reassure me that they don't have same-sex orgyfests in male prisons. Lita? Uh, hello, Lita?




Uh oh.
 

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