Not-so Politically Correct

[Hands of Stone]

The Lisping Midget
VERY Clever

A guy calls his buddy, a horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over
to look at a horse.

His buddy asks "How will I recognize him?"

"That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or
female horse.

"A female horth".

So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin' horth............can I thee her eyeth"?

So the guy picks up the midget and gives the horse's eyes the once
over.........

"Nith eyeth...........can I thee her earzth"?

So he picks the little fella up again and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth.........can I thee her mouf"?

The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up
again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nith mouf...........can I thee her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and
rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's vagina, pulls him out
and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

"Perhapth I should rephrathe that:

Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

hos

 

[hammerhead]

What do Sodomy and Spinach have in common?

If they are forced on you as a child, you hate them as an adult

 

[Keeper]

Will-power

 

[Hands of Stone]

This ones for Dazza

Seven Signs That You Are A Fag


1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've been sucking off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing
sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag. A cat is like a dog, but gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog.” Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A 'tang-eating man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had Nutrasweet in your mouth, you’ve had a dick there too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and Nascar. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than denim, you are faggadocious!

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you're hungry or a meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the sumbitch off. The rest of the time he needs
that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, grab the bitch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's Latino, talk on his cell-phone.

 

[Keeper]

8. If you have to check a list to see if you're a fag, you're a fag.