Moral of the story is...

[handcannon]

the mickey out of the mick

Paddy, our Irish friend is at the local pub.

The barman rings the bell, and announces last call. Paddy is, as usual, hammered, but orders another 2 pints and proceeds to finish them off in record time. He tries to get up to go home, and falls right off the bar-stool.

"Wow," he thinks,"I must be rat-arsed, I cannae feel me legs".

He pulls himself up by the barstool, and tries to walk to the door. Again, he falls flt on his face.

"I've had way too much," he thinks. "I'll just crawl to the door, and get some fresh air".

so he crawls over to the door, and pulls himself up, opens the door, and opens it to the outside. As he steps outside, he crumbles once again to thge ground.

"Oh, this is ridiculous, " he thinks. Only a few house down the road, is Paddy's abode, so he decides to crawl home. He gets home, and again props himself up on the door, opens it and falls on the floor inside.

"It'll be better in the morn'" he slurs. And so, he crawls upstairs to bed, climbs up, and falls face-first passed out until the morning.

At 10:00, his wife comes in the bedroom screaming and yelling at him to get up.

"What!" he cries "What!"

"Paddy, you left our bloody wheel-chair at the pub again last night."

HC

 

[Fastshow]

haggis...

FOREGONE CONCLUSION:
> >
> > (A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
> > the scottish
> > (B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer
> > heart attacks than the scottish
> > (C) The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
> > than the scottish
> > (D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer
> > heart attacks than the scottish
> > Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's being SCOTTISH that kills
> > you.

 

[Fastshow]

proverbs....

CHINESE PROVERBS:
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who run in front of car get tired.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who run behind car get exhausted.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man with hand in pocket feel ****y all day.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man
> > > give wife upright organ.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who walk through airport turnstile
> > > sideways going to Bangkok.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man with one chopstick go hungry.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who scratch ass should not bite
> > > fingernails.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who eat many prunes get good run for
> > > money.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot
> > > walk.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Panties not best thing on earth! but next to
> > > best thing on earth.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > War does not determine who is right, war
> > > determine who is left.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him
> > > in cat house.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who fight with wife all day get no piece
> > > at night.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > It take many nails to build crib, but one
> > > screw to fill it.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who live in glass house should change
> > > clothes in basement.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who fish in other man's well often catch
> > > crabs.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
> > > > > > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> > > > > > Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

 

[Fastshow]

right....

A businessman checks into a very fancy hotel and tells the desk clerk that he
has no meetings today and would like some "companionship", price is no object.
The desk clerk says that he understands and someone will be at his door in ten
minutes. Ten minutes later there is a knock on the man's door. He opens it and
sees the most beautiful woman that he has ever seen in his life. He tells her,
"I'm in no hurry today, let's go real slow. What do you get for a hand-job?" She
says, "$1000." He screams, "$1000! No hand-job is worth $1000!" She pulls him to
the window, points outside and says, "You see that liquor store down there? I
bought that store with the money that I got just from hand jobs!" He gives her
the money and sure enough the hand-job is like nothing he's ever had before. She
does things that he didn't believe were possible with a hand. It's worth every
penny. "That's incredible," he says. What do you get for a blow-job?" She says,
"$5000." "$5000! No blow-job is worth $5000." She takes him to the window and
points, "You see that Rolls-Royce dealership? I bought that dealership with
money I got from blow-jobs." He gives her the money and the blow-job is the
greatest thing he's ever known. Like rockets and fireworks and explosions. When
it's over, he says, "I've GOT to have that pussy!" She takes him to the window,
points, and says, "You see that skyscraper?. . . If I had a pussy, I could buy
that skyscraper

 

[Demolition]

WHY PARENTS HAVE GRAY HAIR
>
> The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
> urgent problem with one of the main computers.
>
> He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
> whispered, "Hello?"
>
> Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the
> boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
>
> "Yes," whispered the small voice.
>
> "May I talk with him?" the man asked.
>
> To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
>
> Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
>
> "Yes," came the answer.
>
> "May I talk with her?"
>
> Again the small voice whispered, "No."
>
> Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home
> alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who
> should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in
> your house?" the boss asked the child.
>
> "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
>
> Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss
> asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
>
> "No, he's busy," whispered the child.
>
> "Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
>
> "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.
>
> Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
> helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is
> that noise?"
>
> "A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
>
> "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
>
> In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed
> the hello-copper."
>
> Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked,
> "What are they searching for?"
>
> Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle:
> "Me."
>

 

[Keeper]

True, true.

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs are Italian, the mechanics are German, the lovers French, and it's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the police are German, the chefs are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers Swiss, and it's all organized by the Italians.