I hope this would never really happen

SC

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After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things, but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him, "This is all in your mind," and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally, the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor tells him, "I can cure this," and throws some powder on a flame. There is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy the asks the witch doctor, "What happens when it's over?" The witch doctor says, "All you have to do is say '1234' and it will go down. But be warned, it will not work again for another year!"
The guy goes home, and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says, "123" and suddenly he gets an erection.
His wife turns over and says, "What did you say '123' for?"
 

Fastshow

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phnaar...

> > A hotel holds three weddings on the same day and at the end of the
> > night the 3 grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over
> > a couple of night-caps. One questions the other two, "look it's our
> > wedding night and I was wondering how many times are we expected
> > to...um... you know....do it!" The other two look blankly at him,
> then
> > they all delve into a conversation and see how the night goes, with
> > the idea that over breakfast they'll discuss what went on. Suddenly
> > one of the grooms pipes up, "Hold on fellas we can't discuss our
> first
> > night marital goings on over the breakfast table with our wives sat
> > with us." "No you're right, what we'll do then, for every piece of
> > toast you order with your breakfast, that's how many times you did
> it"
> > offers another groom. They all decide it's an excellent idea and
> > depart. The next day in the hotel
> > breakfast parlour they're all looking a bit dishevelled and the wives
> have
> > the hairstyle known as the 'Just Shagged Look'. The waitress comes up
> to
> > the
> > first
> > groom to take his order,
> > "Yes I'll have the full English breakfast with THREE pieces of toast
> > please".
> > The other two grooms smile at him and raise a glass of fresh orange
> in a
> > toast to his prowess. The waitress moves to the second couple, and
> the
> > groom orders, "I shall also have the full English breakfast but could
> I
> > have FOUR pieces of toast" The other two grooms turn making pistols
> from
> > their fingers and shoot the FOUR shooter groom. The waitress gets to
> the
> > last groom "I TOO shall have the FULL English breakfast please, yet I
> > shall have," he takes a deep breath and surveys the room, "SEVEN, yes
> > SEVEN PIECES OF TOAST" he calls for everyone's benefit whilst giving
> a
> big
> > cheesy grin to his two wedding mates, who stare at him rubbing their
> > privates thinking how raw their friend must be.
> > "Seven pieces of toast sir?" queries the waitress "why that's an
> awful
> > lot" "Yes indeed young lady, seven pieces of toast it is."
> > She writes down his order then turns away, but before she leaves, the
> > seven times a night groom calls after her again.
> > "And by the way love, make two of them brown !!!"
> >
>
 

Sliver

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I heard Trevor had another party at his bachelor pad and there was a friend of Corrine's who said she could bite both of her breasts at the same time.

Trevor said, "I bet you can't."

She bet Trevor a drink that she could indeed sink her teeth into both breasts simultaneously.

Although not too big a busted woman, she was quite round, so Trevor thought maybe it was possible.

He challenged her and she accepted. The only thing he asked was that she let him use his Polaroid to snap the
magic moment of truth or failure.

Well, in the wink of an eye she ripped open her blouse and sunk her teeth into those nice soft breasts.

Trevor didn't miss a beat and snagged the shot, which will forever go down in memory of classic photos.

He sent me the photo and you being the good friend you are...I share with you today!!!


.


.

.
 

Fastshow

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pepe...

A man and a woman are driving in the car when they see a wounded skunk on
> > the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up and brings
> > it back into the car.
> >
> > She says: "It looks cold, what should I do?"
> >
> > He says: "Put it between your legs."
> >
> > She says: "What about the smell?"
> >
> > He says: "Hold its nose."
 

SC

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oh my

>There were twin sisters turning one hundred years old in St.Luke's Nursing Home. The editor of the local paper told a photographer to get over there and take some pictures of these 100 year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.
When the photographer got there, he asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
>The twin answered, "He said, 'WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!'"
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to each other.
>"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said
>the photographer. Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US?" :rolleyes:
 

Demolition

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Subject: Fw: Fw: Sandal's

This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring
around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed
this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say,
"You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I
think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great
desert camel."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after
what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them,
being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex
freak?" The Pakistani man replied, "Just try dem on, Sahib."

Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally
conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got
this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years -
raw sexual power.

In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent
him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, and ripped down
his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani's thighs.

The Pakistani then began screaming, "YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!
 

Fastshow

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.......

There is a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with 2 monkeys and a
> > woman on board.
> >
> > The control centre in the US calls:
> >
> > "Monkey number 1, Monkey number 1 to the television screen." He
> > sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1,
> > increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the
> > reactors. So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases
> > the oxygen.
> >
> > A few moments later the control centre calls again: "Monkey number
> > 2, monkey number 2 to the television screen." He sits down and he is
> > told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to
> > engine 3, to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyse the
> > solar radiation.
> >
> > So the monkey does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the
> > nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation.
> > >
> > A little later on, headquarters calls again: "Woman, please woman
> > approach the screen." She sits down and just as she is about to be
> > told what to do she says...
> >
> > "I know I know!! Feed the monkeys, don't touch anything."

 

Hands of Stone

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Subject: the picture on the night stand
After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on
her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry.
Is this your husband? he nervously asks.
No, silly, she replies, snuggling up to him.
Your boyfriend, then? he continues.
No, not at all, she says, nibbling away at his ear.
Is it your dad or your brother? he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
No, no, no!!! she answers.
Well, who in the hell is he, then? he demands.
That's me before the surgery.

hos
 

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