First Up Against The Wall.

[knvb]

If you still have bullets left, how about you jump in a time machine head back 8-10 years and blast this ambitious little sell out. The poor fcuk still can't decide if he wants to rap or rock. Do him and us, all a big favor before he spawn a disciple.

Aim low his you'll ever get through that helmet.

 

[knvb]

To Late. Get them both. Cheers

It's not our eyes we cover when you're on pal.

 

[Fastshow]

arse................

Jennifer Lopez please, Jinky. Her inimitable arse can be allowed to continue but please dispose of the rest with your gattling gun, she simply cannot be allowed to continue her insipid pop shite any longer. Lives are at stake. Somehow.


Jenny from the fcuking block my arse.

 

[Fastshow]

pre-emptive striking for my Vancouverite brethren......

Jinky, this is urgent. The Cheeky Girls. Why are they popular? I thought you'd never ask. They're popular because they once went on Pop Idols and did a little jig their mother had inspired and were soon-after snapped up by 'Multiply Records', a company whose name is not, it is my solemn hope, prophetic. I mean doing a jig your Mum has told you would be 'cool'? They come from Transylvania for the love of all that is (Matthew) good. Give me strength.

You lot won't have ever heard of them but believe you me you will. And allow me to apologise in advance. Unflitered excrement of the highest and most pungent order. From their 'official' website, the cleverly named www.cheeky-girls.com:

HOT NEWS

Monday 13 Jan
girls spent the day and early evening meeting local fans including 12 year old Darren from Rye and Sarah from Maidstone who came with her parents. Sarah had the opportunity to dance the cheeky dance with the girls.

The girls handed out signed limited edition (300) photographs.

In february, girls scheduled to make video for 2nd single.

Promote Cheeky Song in Europe including upto
4 live PA's.(Personal Appearances)

In March, girls to appear live on stage at Wembley and London Arena on Nights of Popstars Tour, dates to be confirmed.

Rest of month to be spend promoting new single.
...............................................................

P.S. Further information concerning the proposed songs being recorded this week, will follow.


Allow me to add some dates to their crammed schedule complete with basic errors in syntax and adventures in the English language:

monday 20th January spent the minutes just after lunchtime and in between giggling fits talking at Darren from Rye who was still hanging around as he's been on the missing children's list for three weeks. Spent a few minutes trying to contact Sarah from Maidstone's parents who had left her with us while dancing the cheeky dance all the way back to their gypsy's caravan on their way out of town.

the girls handed out some more limited edition photographs to Darren from Rye who was already staggering under the weight of the first 300 limited edition photographs.

Friday 21st January girls asked by Ikea security to leave the Ikea parking lot and go home with their 600 limited edition photographs and cheeky bastard dance.

late Sunday morning 2nd February- frost discovered in Hell and second video ready for filming.

after supper 4th February- upto 18 but just under 17 PA's (Public Annoyances) scheduled in a Milton Keynes bus shelter.

Rest of life to be spend telling people they are the Cheeky Girls and looking for Sarah from Maidstone's parents.


And another thing; Jamie Kennedy off the Jamie Kennedy experiment. The only thing remotely experimental about this ginger piece of piss is discovering how many differing shades of rage he can invoke. Piles. He deserves an end befitting his namesake and, just to be symmetrical, it would be best if the gattling gun could be re-located to Dallas to accomodate my wishes. I'll spring for the open-topped limo for him. Wanker.

Look at this lot. I mean, come on, even Dickens_Cider would fancy his chances with these two. Cheeky Girls indeed. Get out of my fcuking sight.

 

[Lupoman]

what about MJ.......

Ever notice that side-show freak and Diana Ross NEVER appear in the same place at the same time? Are they the same person, perhaps? Just wonderin'.

lupoman

 

[Fastshow]

Worst Songs of All Time.........

Tonight's Evening Standard has a list of the all-time worst songs, otherwise known as, 'songs currently motioning in the Van Lierde hyperbolic crêche.'

We built worst song ever

By James Langton, Evening Standard

21 April 2004

It dropped out of the British charts at No 12 in 1985, but the single We Built This City by Starship has been declared the worst song ever to be a hit.

It heads a top 50 chart of bad music released today by rock magazine Blender, which says it "seems to inspire the most virulent feelings of outrage".

Among the other candidates for Worst Song Ever are Madonna's American Life; Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice and Ebony And Ivory, a hit for Sir Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder.

McCartney manages the dubious honour of a double appearance, with the Beatles' Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - a UK hit for The Marmalade - at No 48.

The magazine said it sounded like "the desperately chirpy songs ****neys used to sing to keep their spirits up while the Luftwaffe rained death on them during the Blitz".

The No 2 slot is captured by Achy Breaky Heart, by Billy Ray Cyrus, followed by Wang Chung's Everybody Have Fun Tonight.

Among the big names are Simon & Garfunkel's The Sound Of Silence at 42, with The Greatest Love Of All by Whitney Houston rounding off the top 30.

I'm Too Sexy, an unexpected 1992 No 1 in America for the British trio Right Said Fred, just makes it into the lower regions of the chart, finished off by Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On.

Each song on the worstever list had to be a genuine hit, with the compilers rejecting obvious novelties.

Worst hits ever

By James Langton, Evening Standard

21 April 2004

1. We Built This City Starship

2. Achy Breaky Heart Billy Ray Cyrus

3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight Wang Chung

4. Rollin' Limp Bizkit

5. Ice Ice Baby Vanilla Ice

6. The Heart Of Rock & Roll Huey Lewis and the News

7. Don't Worry, Be Happy Bobby McFerrin

8. Party All The Time Eddie Murphy

9. American Life Madonna

10. Ebony And Ivory Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder

11. Invisible Clay Aiken

12. Kokomo The Beach Boys

13. Illegal Alien Genesis

14. From A Distance Bette Midler

15. I'll Be There For You The Rembrandts

16. What's Up? 4 Non Blondes

17. Pumps And A Bump Hammer

18. You're The Inspiration Chicago

19. Broken Wings Mr. Mister

20. Dancing On The Ceiling Lionel Richie

21. Two Princes Spin Doctors

22. Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue (The Angry American) Toby Keith

23. Sunglasses At Night Corey Hart

24. Five For Fighting Superman

 

[knvb]

This list lacks credibility before it even hits #10. There is no way Eddie Murphy was ever a hit out side maybe the halls of North Delta.

 

[Fastshow]

Touched a nerve did it?

 

[BlazeArmy]

Christ I just got put on hold again at our Calgary office today. I think that list was the playlist for the radio station our phones are set to there. I've heard at least 4 of those while on hold at various times today.

KNVB, as for Eddie Murphy he was big in the Village area of Tsawwassen. At least 4 or 5 people had the single at the time as i remember. It's a sad day when you realize how lame your childhood was.

 

[Fastshow]

Hasselhoff faces drink drive charge

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actor David Hasselhoff, who played the bare-chested chief lifeguard fcukwit on the international hit TV series "Baywatch", has been arrested on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol, police officials say.

A Los Angeles Police Department spokeswoman said Hasselhoff was arrested late on Saturday evening on a driving under the influence (DUI) charge in the Encino area. She did not have any details on the circumstances of the arrest. Apart from the fact he was driving, stupid bint.

Hasselhoff entered an alcohol rehabilitation programme in the summer of 2002 and admitted in subsequent interviews that he had hit "rock bottom".

A spokeswoman for the 51-year-old actor was not immediately available to comment on his arrest.

"Baywatch" debuted on NBC in 1989 and was cancelled after one season. But Hasselhoff and his partners acquired rights to the show and brought it back as a syndicated series in 1991 based on its popularity overseas. The show went off the air in 2001. Thank Christ.

The show also made household names of actresses such as Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra and Yasmine Bleeth.

Hasselhoff won early fame starring in the 1980s talking car TV series "Knight Rider" and has also enjoyed success as a singer, especially in Germany.

He appears in the film comedy "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" due for U.S. release later this month and which is certain to be absolute dog shite.

 

[Fastshow]

Waste of air.........

An anxious time in the Luc Van Lierde orphanage........ will she or won't she cancel her tour? Will he be eligible for a full refund despite the fact his tickets to see her came from the Make a Wish foundation?

Pop abortion Britney Spears injured her knee during a video shoot and was hospitalised for arthroscopic surgery, her record label confirmed this morning. We've all been there.

Spears, 22, was taken to a hospital after hurting herself yesterday, Jive Records said in a statement. An MRI showed floating cartilage in her knee. As well as where her brain should be.

The injury occurred after Spears completed outdoor scenes for the video of her new single, "Outrageous," with rapper Snoop Dogg in New York. Spears was doing choreography (though not very well) when her knee gave out, Jive said.

"Outrageous" will be featured in the movie "Catwoman," due out next month. Can't wait.

Spears is scheduled to begin a North American tour June 22 in Hartford, Connecticut, according to her Web site. Her latest album, "In the Zone," was released in November and has sold 34 copies to Luc Van Lierde and his band of merry illiterate halfwits alone.

Spears was forced to cancel two shows in March because of a knee injury she suffered when attempting to read a Nancy Drew mystery.

 

[Dapotayto]

Re: Waste of air.........

Spears was forced to cancel two shows in March because of a knee injury she suffered when attempting to read a Nancy Drew mystery

Your referencing of Nancy Drew explains a lot of things. Mostly about your, obviously difficult, childhood. I suppose Are you there god? it's me Margaret is another of your favourites? It's about her having her period, you know.

 

[Fastshow]

My referencing? Mine?

I just report the facts, mate. Cut and paste jobs for me, innit.

Since zenga had his stroke at least.

The fact Regs found it necessary to edit it from the original (and highly cerebral) book 'London Fields' by Martin Amis indicates to me you should raise your issue (well, that issue for starters, don't want to inundate the poor cnut) with the administrative one. Regs clearly has lucrative contra deals in place with FCUK and, well, whoever wrote Nancy Drew. Filling the net presumably.

Not my bloody fault your childhood was spent raiding your sister's bookshelf. No, I did write bookshelf, nothing more suggestive than that before you start.

 

[Dapotayto]

Actually, most of my childhood was spent living in the country watching my old man explode every time the cat (name of Perky. Not my idea, btw) would climb the big tree in the frontyard and wail all night. From that cat I learned a lot of things about pissing people off. Learned a lot of swear words from my Dad too. I wonder what happened to the Perkster? One day, him and my Dad left in the truck but only my Dad came back. Hmmm.

 

[Fastshow]

Seems straightforward to me, you read about it in the papers all the time. Well, I read about it in the papers all the time, shouldn't speak for you should I? The papers (broadsheets, mostly) are always banging on about a cat that became separated from its' family in Shitkickersville Alabama and that was found, 18 months later, crashing about in Afghanistan trying to pin Ronald Reagan's death on poor-old Osama Bin Laden. I love watching the reunion programmes they make about those cat-family reunions. Make me fcuking well up so they do.

So, the reason only your tourettes-suffering old man came back was because the cat pissed off in his truck and your Dad was too embarrassed to admit he was pussy-whipped. Perky probably ended up in Puerto Moody on the Costa del Lougheed in a nice two-up, one down 'fixer-upper' with unfinished basement and a view of a clothesline. I should proclaim some surprise the local rozzers weren't able to trace your Dad's truck, you'd have thought they'd have noticed a cat screaming about town in a Ford F-150.

Then again.......

 

[Dapotayto]

I've often thought that Dad my have thrown Perky off a bridge wearing cement cat shoes but over the years I've come to think that maybe, just maybe, he's still out there somewhere. You see, there sure are a lot of similarities between Perky and this Toonces, the Driving Cat character I've seen on television. For one, they both drive. Two, they both drive really shitty. Three, they're both cnuts. Perky, if its you, come home, we miss you. Well, all except for Dad of course. He wants to make a few tennis rackets out of your scrawny cat body but I still care!

 

[Fastshow]

For God's sake pull yourself together man, the cat's dead, ggggget on with it (I develop a stammer when I'm cross). It's not as if your cat was a dog anyway, a dog would be worth getting upset about. Unless it were a poodle or anything smaller than a Cokcer Spaniel. Fcuking girly dogs innit.

Or any type of German dog. Rottweiller, Doberman, Alsatian, Dauschund. Evil and cowardly. Nasty pieces of work, going into Holland and stealing their bicycles and making people hide in cupboards for 48 years.

Has anyone ever seen Steve Martin and Satan at the same time? I very much doubt it. Coincidence? Not a chance. Look at him there. Driving around the neighbourhood blaring out the 2 Live Crew and running over people's bins with his champagne tastes and lemonade pockets. Fcuking Beelzebub he is. Freeloading, dark lord of the underworld. Scumbag.

And he's a pervert.

 

[Rangerforever]

Sometimes I love this site

Fcuking bravo lads.

For the record:
I own a Cokcapoo.

 

[SC]

Actually, most of my childhood was spent living in the country.

From Enderby to the VMSL. Wow, what an adventure...

+SC

 

[Keeper]

Career destroyer:

Simpson had performed her hit single “Pieces of Me” without incident earlier in the show. When she came back a second time, her band started playing and the first lines of her singing “Pieces of Me” could be heard again.

She was holding her microphone at her waist at the time. Simpson looked momentarily confused as the band plowed ahead with the song and the vocal was quickly silenced.

Simpson made some exaggerated hopping dance moves, then walked off the stage 35 seconds into the performance. NBC quickly cut to a commercial.

See a video of the moment: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6322824/