First Up Against The Wall.

Jinky

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Let me set the scene.

The revolution has arrived and you have been made the Commisar of the Ministry of Musical Arts. Your first job is to initiate a purge. You choose who lives and who dies. No doubt many of us would have long lists but what I want to know is what musical "artist" or band would you line up against the wall first and why.

I'll start things off with a particularly talentless pile of hair who has the cheek to take her banshee drivvel seriously.

Amanda Marshall come on down!

I just hope that the firing squad doesn't mistake her perm for skull.
 

sensei_hanson

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Hammer, please don't hurt 'em.....

WANTED:

MC Hammer.

Former baggy-slacked rap star who, despite being "2 Legit 2 Quit" at one point in his career, is now apparently not "2 Legit 2 beg for a free bag of day-old bagels".

Currently suffering through a nasty speech impediment which has music insiders cruelly referring to him as "MC Stammer".

It's a cold, cold world. Especially when your new Album, "Raw Like Sushi", doesn't even sell the requesite 10 copies that your moms picks up from Sam Goody.

I suppose this is a mercy killing more than anything else.

Die MC Hammer, Die.
 

sensei_hanson

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This is fun

WANTED:

Fred Durst - media whore, corporate syncophant, talentless bum.

Guilty of creating anthems for every pissed-off 15-year-old from Des Moines, and for paving the road to success for other gut-wrenching artists such as Linkin Park, Papa Roach, Kid Rock, Crazytown, Project Wyze and Staind.

Should endure extra abuse for the lame fashion phenomenon which is the red, pro-fit New York Yankees cap.
 

Jinky

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Good stuff Sensei!

There's plenty of bullets left in the gattlin' gun.

Let's hear more.

That reminds me, Larry Gatlin and Gatlin brothers, mmmmmmmn.
 

Fastshow

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I hope the gattling is well oiled.......

I don't know how many bullets we're allowed as I have a hefty list. If some of them are only critically wounded and the ammunition resources simply aren't there to finish the job that's all right by me. Let the cnuts suffer the way they've made me.......

I give it a matter of hours before keeper wades in waving his PC banner and wanking on about how distasteful all this is in light of that sniper chappie who's making the yank authorities all look like Frank Drebbin. He may have a point.

Nah, fcuk it.

Gareth Gates/Will Young/Darius

I don't know if you lot have been subjected to the abortion that was Pop Idol but these three batty boys came second, first, and third respectively. Will Young celebrated his win by announcing to the New of the World that he was as camp as Christmas and enjoyed the love that dare not speak its' name. Unless £75,000 was offered. The cnut. Then he went on to release a version of Light my Fire and did a duet of The Long and Winding Road with his virginal and stammering little co-conspirator Gareth Gates. Then Jordan claimed to have slept with Gareth Gates. A proper fcuking circus that must be halted for the good of mankind. Darius Daresh is Scottish (obviously, given his name) and kept Coldplay off number one. The cnut. Sang Hit me Baby One More Time on Pop Idol without a hint of irony.

Not that I watched it, of course.

Jinky, kill.


Dear Avril Lavigne,

What's complicated about being a 17 year-old skater tart? Stop clogging up the airwaves with your angst bile. I hate you. You don't like being compared to Alanis Morrissette? I can't blame you there but what do you expect? Let's look at the facts, Avril. You both have stupid French names, you're both marginally attractive in a don't-let-the-lads-find-out-I-shagged-you kind of way, neither of you can sing for toffee, you both drone on about how rubbish everything is while milking the poor undeserving public for millions, and neither of you would be any fun at all because you're both so far up your own backsides it's startling that you can function at all. I'm willing to wager you both eat Muesli and figs. Please consider the following; enjoy your fifteen minutes and the couple million your insipid pop offal will earn for you and then fade away into obscurity for ten years before re-surfacing on a late night t.v. 'where are they now?' list. At that point the world will find out that you went through a series of 'complicated' relationships with men who battered seven shades out of you and, thinking the whole world was against you, you became addicted to sleeping pills and black tar heroin and that, at your lowest, you robbed a dry cleaners in Vegas before deciding that you were a lesbian. If you don't fcuk off immediately, if not before, my mate Jinky is going to kill you with his gattling gun.

Fondest regards, Fastshow.

Bono, what's he like? Um, listen to me, Stewart, you've been writing the same song for the past ten years and all the leather jackets and silly Edgar David-inspired comedy specs in the world won't save you from becoming the object of my disdain. You fancy yourself as a political animal and count American presidents among your friends. Bully for you, they're twats too. Writing a song called Lemon is a pure statement of your political ideologies. Good one. Why not consider retirement now you vertical bacon sandwich? The only unforgettable fire you deserve will come from my mate Jinky's gattling gun. And not before time either.

And I'm just getting started. This is better than any of my therapy sessions. Violence is the answer.
 

cerebral smallsy

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dude look like a lady?

words aren't even necessary. frankly, neither is a picture. bullets...perhaps.
if janie does have a gun, i emplore her to save us all from the misery that is steven tyler and aerosmith. his only legacy will and should be Liv! which, ironically enough, is something we all wish he would no longer continue to do.
please pass the gattlin' gun.
 

Jinky

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I don't know if the gattling gun would be sufficient enough to take out that cretin. He's like the Terminator (Not Tom Henke) he's had so many resurections. Just when you think he's gone, the little fcuker comes back and releases the same song over and over again.

Relentless mediocrity.
 

Dapotayto

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Amanda Marshall and Fred Durst are great calls for the firing squad. Fastshow will freak but add Coldplay to the list, please. Fcuk me, the world may be a shitty place sometimes but do we really need music that makes me want to put a fcuking gun to my head and blow my drug-addled brain apart. Sorry Fastshow, but they lick, man.
 

Willy

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No accounting for taste ...

Right then. Step aside please Ms Marshall. I know your ticket says you'll be first up against the wall, but I'm afraid there's been a mistake. One Mr. Dapotayto has, quite unexpectedly shown himself to be far more deserving than yourself. Therefore t'is with the deepest regret that I must ask you to please step aside and make room for Mr. Dapotayto. Listen Amanda ... don't "oh my god, oh my god" me please. The decision is final. So you and your "Sunday morning after" will just have to wait in line like everyone else. But rest assured, you WILL get your turn.

Now, who'll be third then ... ah yes, Mr. Matt Good, so nice to see you this evening. Please, allow me to help you with your blind fold. There you are. Now, what brand of cigarette would you like hanging from your lips as you breathe your last breath?? Marlboro?? Excellent choice sir. Coming right up Mr. Good. It seems your cigarettes are as close as you'll ever come to having something popular in America you fcuking arrogant, unoriginal, contradictory, pseudo angst, middle class, talentless wanna-be rock star. If the edges of the world stopped in Port Coquitlam, you might actually have achieved the heights of popularity in which you so falsely indulge yourself. Apparition??? APPARITION??? You having any relevance is a fcuking apparition as far as I’m concerned.

I hate you, and the tasteless mediums who've forced your sonic diarrhea onto me.

As you were ...

Willy McAimFire
 

Dapotayto

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Ah Willy, I have to agree with you about Matthew Good but it does seem strange to me that you would consider him worthy of execution and Coldplay worthy of adulation when Coldplay and Good pretty much play the same 'poor-me' crap over and over. Sure, Coldplay may be good technically as artists but so are numerous bands. Rush tops the list. I can't tell you how many times I've heard musician or producer friends say "but Rush are such great musicians". Yes, they can play well. Yes, they are talented. Yes, they are "tight". But that doesn't mean their music is any good to listen to. Mariah Carey has an amazing voice but do you like her drivel? No need to put me up against the wall. Just strap me down, put Rush on the stereo and watch my soul wither.
 

Captain Shamrock

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I hope none of you had this person in mind....

Some sad news and I hope no one had 'bad' thoughts of this rapper, even though he and his group performed with Aerosmith.....


Jam Master Jay Dies in NYC Shooting
25 minutes ago
By DEVLIN BARRETT, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK (AP) - Jam Master Jay, part of the pioneering rap trio Run DMC, was shot and killed at a New York City recording studio Wednesday, the group's publicist said.


AP Photo


AP Photo
Slideshow: Run DMC Rapper Dies in Shooting




Publicist Tracy Miller confirmed the death of the 37-year-old rapper, whose real name was Jason Mizell.


He was shot once in the head and was dead at the scene, said Detective Robert Price, a police spokesman. He said the shooter remained at large and police had no information on a motive.


A second man, identified by police as 25-year-old Urieco Rincon, was shot in the leg and was taken to Mary Immaculate Hospital. The hospital did not immediately return a call seeking comment.


Run DMC is widely credited with helping bring hip-hop into music's mainstream, including the group's smash collaboration with Aerosmith (news - web sites) on the 1980s standard "Walk This Way."


"We always knew rap was for everyone," Mizell said in a 2001 interview with MTV. "Anyone could rap over all kinds of music."


"It wasn't the soulful R&B of the '70s and '80s," he said of the group's early work. "So we didn't want to be like the soft R&B. We wanted to go hardcore, so we put the rock-and-roll on our rap."


Mizell served as the group's disc jockey, providing background for singers Joseph Simmons, better known as DJ Run, and Darryl McDaniels, better known as DMC.


Mizell was married and had three children, Miller said.


"He was a great producer, a hard worker," Miller said told The Associated Press. "He's a family man."


Dozens of fans gathered on the outskirts of the crime scene in Queens, where the members of Run DMC grew up.

"They're the best. They're the pioneers in hip-hop," said fan Arlene Clark, 39.

Another fan who lives nearby, Leslie Bell, 33, said the members of Run DMC often let local musicians record for free at their studio.
 

the power

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I think an apology is in order to the little Korean kid who was staring over my shoulder as I clicked that link. I was just about to close that crap down when up pops the Exorcist. Poor little Jim freaked out, oh well I guess that's what he gets for being nosy.
 

SC

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Freak out

He's kind of a cross between Liza Manellie (SP?) and fricken Micky Mouse. "Yes," two of his idols.

What the hell happened to the cool little black kid that could belt out the 'choons? Truly awful isn't it?

Jinks, don't let your fame take you to the cosmetic chair.

+ForfcuksakesSC
 

knvb

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A little help?

Please put me and the thousands upon thousands of radio listeners out of their misery by putting one (or two) right between his eyes. One hit wonder cnut.
 

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