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Div 2 Div 2 Championship Training Secrets

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Dapotayto

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A doping scandal is about to explode upon Division 2 soccer. There have been persistent rumours that several leading teams in VMSL Division 2 have tested or will test negative for the use of drugs and/or alcohol. An unnamed source, o.k. it was me, said it could be a widespread conspiracy involving players, coaches and families. "The abscence of drugs or alcohol among certain teams is the only way to explain strong performances game after game by these squads" the source said, adding "How are we expected to compete when most of our squad are either on the piss or pie-eyed when game time rolls around?"

Teams said to be involved include WFC Rangers and City FC Rangers both of which are leading their respective groups. City FC Blaze, while also leading their group, are not under suspicion as it is obvious that Blazearmy himself could outdrink most of Scotland even on a bad day. Another unnamed source, o.k. it was me, said "It is important that we identify these perpetrators as we don't want any potential goody-two shoes to go unharassed."

It is believed this controversy could be the biggest in Divison 2 since last week when Yomama broke the rules and ate a hamburger after it had been dropped and sat on the floor for longer than five seconds. This less than a month in which Fingers pulled an absolutely shocking bird at The Roxy, The Manager drank girly-umbrella drinks at a pub and Therapist streaked like Frank the Tank at a church function. Surely this is not the type of attention that Division 2 is seeking.


Investigations are ongoing and it is not clear whether there is any legal precedent in which to mandate testing by the teams named. All other clubs in Division 2 are absolved of guilt as, clearly, they are all a bunch of complete alcoholics and/or potheads.
 

BlazeArmy

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Damn right were not under suspicion.

As for out drinking Scotland that might be a stretch. Wales, no problem and have outdrank whole Rugby teams in Cardiff on a few occasions.(Mind you I did land in Langedoec(sp.) Hospital after one certain instance. However thank god for universal healthcare and my British Passport. Never drink DoubleSkull Brains for more than 6 hours at any one time. Serious injury and or cirrhossis of the liver may occur)

As for Yomama I was reading in the paper that the five second rule is moot as things can sit on the floor for longer and not pick up nay bacteria etc.. As for finger at least he pulled. The manager- I hope it was hot outside or you were trying to pull.
Therapist, no excuse . As for the JB's tell your sponsors I put a solid effort on Saturday night and we polished off three bottles at a birthday soiree. The bar had none left for our area so we had to switch it up and move to something else. I'm not sure what it was.

I heard there were a few vegetarians in Div 2. We need to smoke these people out. They definitely give the rest of us a bad reputation with their healthy ways.
 

Keeper

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The WFC Rangers are sponsored by a beer supply company and a bar. Our urine tests must have been switched with a women's team, which also may help explain the numerous positive pregnancies.
It is believed this controversy could be the biggest in Divison 2 since last week when Yomama broke the rules and ate a hamburger after it had been dropped and sat on the floor for longer than five seconds. This less than a month in which Fingers pulled an absolutely shocking bird at The Roxy, The Manager drank girly-umbrella drinks at a pub and Therapist streaked like Frank the Tank at a church function.
:D
 

Therapist

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Hey not my fault, someone told me that there were more chicks at church than the Roxy. Which was totally wrong but the minister didn't seem to mind.
 

the manager

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A page from the watcher's training manual

it's training day! I'm dreading it. Why? Because it means I'll have to burn precious calories loading the truck with balls and those sweaty bibs...it means I'll have to break a sweat...it means I'll have to dirty my bran new croatioa whites. this sucks!

I arrived at our 7:30 practice at my usual time, 8:15. because I have the gear, the other six guys who were there before me were playing in the corner of the baseball diamond, carving their initials on the dugout bench, smoking a spliff, and practicing juggling rocks for touch. mcdirty, my latest project, was sitting patiently against a goal post taping his fingers. there's an eagerness in his eyes tonight...it's like he can't wait for the shooting drill just so he can dive on gravel.

erion was getting a quick english lesson from the hooked on phonics kit we ordered him form the teams beer money. we couldn't bear watching others take the piss out of his grammar any more. yomama was busy combing her hair and complaining about my punctuality issues once again.

we started playing the circle game for the first hour as a warm up...damn, I got my white socs dirty! we finally got to the shooting drill...nobody hit the net!...except me ofcorse. mcdirty was threatening playes and complaining that our shooting was in no way iomproving his game.

my wandering eye couldn't help but notice a rather fit looking 75 yr old guy shagging balls for us behind the net. he outran most of our team...boy he's fit...i think i'll sign him.

well, pracice ended and and I'm sweaty from walking up and down the pitch remanissing of the glory days when I'd eat every soccer player out there for breakfast...time to go home now and do some laundry...got to get those croation whites up to speak, i'm wearing them to work tomorrow.

watcher
 

BlazeArmy

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I would like to apologize to all those in Div2. I was tricked into eating Chilli with Tofu in it for Lunch. Even worse it was good. They told me after that it was Yves Veggie wannabe meat stuff and not the traditional ground round. I will try to make up for it with a wing eating performance at pub tonight but i would like to reiterate again that i was tricked into eating this (pretty good) chilli. It was for a good cause as I'm trying to bone the maker of chilli(girl at works roommate). Sent compliments aplenty back with coworker and have arranged to hook up with her over weekend. :D
 

BlazeArmy

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No, I shouldn't but I can't get fired at work so what are you going to do when the oppurtunity presents itself. I have the greatest job security in the world. it's a family business and i do so many different things they'd need 2 or 3 people to replace me.:)

I let them know on occasion to about that. Now only if I could get a raise. That or somme real early retirement by the parental units.

Take that Mom and Dad:wa: :bronco: :knvb:
 

TS

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training secrets

How's this for justice:
The one day that almost the entire team can make it out, we get to the field and the lights are off, field is closed and we have no beer. Now that sucks.
As for training secrets, forget it, we're supposed to train at 7, we stand and wait till 7:30, hoping to get 8 guys out to do some decent drills. Only 6 show, we run for 30 minutes, 2 guys get hurt and we're home in time for dinner. Anyways, practice is over-rated. Last year we stopped practising after winter and only lost one game down the stretch on the way to the cup semis. Maybe that's the answer?!
 

CDK

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8 games into the season and we've only had one practice so far. A month ago we decided to practice and 12 guys showed up. 6 played a three on three scrimage for half an hour while the other 6 went straight for the cooler. Drinking beer from 6:30 to midnight at the park (+ a couple of beer runs)...

Tied for first place.


:cool:
 

Keeper

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FCBayern.com said:
. . . the Bayern stars renewed acquaintances with lead-weighted jackets, medicine balls and other fiendish instruments as they battled their way around a demanding training circuit . . .
Most Div 2 players live with one on a daily basis, me thinks.
 
May 12, 2004
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Clearly we have been going about this all wrong. Good reading here!!

Nobody seems to have touched on theory. We generally run around in various directions for half an hour and then talk about how fit we are getting now our waists are back down to 38 inches.

At this point we gather around a clip board and draw all sorts of amazing plays out and talk about positioning and how important playing your position is. This is very draining so we take a water break and usually need to do something fun now. "Shooting is Fun" say's the laziest bastard (of which there are about 10) so we do that. After 15 minutes we have discovered we have lost all our balls deep into the bushes so it is time to scrimmage with the one ball left.

Teams are divided up into clicks, I mean red and blue and we play. This is where all that theory comes in. One of tow things happens.

1) 1 team plays and uses the theory and gets kicked in the scrimmage by the other side not using theory.

2) This is the more popular. Nobody uses the theory because they know if they do they will get their asses kicked and it feels too much like the games on the weekend. After 10 minutes all of the blue team is up in the red teams half and the red team vise versa. Scrimmage ends and we all agree we need to play better defensively or find some guy that likes playing defensively

Trainging over so groups break up and go to differnet pubs, trash talk each other and talk about how simple the game really is.
 
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