A doping scandal is about to explode upon Division 2 soccer. There have been persistent rumours that several leading teams in VMSL Division 2 have tested or will test negative for the use of drugs and/or alcohol. An unnamed source, o.k. it was me, said it could be a widespread conspiracy involving players, coaches and families. "The abscence of drugs or alcohol among certain teams is the only way to explain strong performances game after game by these squads" the source said, adding "How are we expected to compete when most of our squad are either on the piss or pie-eyed when game time rolls around?"
Teams said to be involved include WFC Rangers and City FC Rangers both of which are leading their respective groups. City FC Blaze, while also leading their group, are not under suspicion as it is obvious that Blazearmy himself could outdrink most of Scotland even on a bad day. Another unnamed source, o.k. it was me, said "It is important that we identify these perpetrators as we don't want any potential goody-two shoes to go unharassed."
It is believed this controversy could be the biggest in Divison 2 since last week when Yomama broke the rules and ate a hamburger after it had been dropped and sat on the floor for longer than five seconds. This less than a month in which Fingers pulled an absolutely shocking bird at The Roxy, The Manager drank girly-umbrella drinks at a pub and Therapist streaked like Frank the Tank at a church function. Surely this is not the type of attention that Division 2 is seeking.
Investigations are ongoing and it is not clear whether there is any legal precedent in which to mandate testing by the teams named. All other clubs in Division 2 are absolved of guilt as, clearly, they are all a bunch of complete alcoholics and/or potheads.
Teams said to be involved include WFC Rangers and City FC Rangers both of which are leading their respective groups. City FC Blaze, while also leading their group, are not under suspicion as it is obvious that Blazearmy himself could outdrink most of Scotland even on a bad day. Another unnamed source, o.k. it was me, said "It is important that we identify these perpetrators as we don't want any potential goody-two shoes to go unharassed."
It is believed this controversy could be the biggest in Divison 2 since last week when Yomama broke the rules and ate a hamburger after it had been dropped and sat on the floor for longer than five seconds. This less than a month in which Fingers pulled an absolutely shocking bird at The Roxy, The Manager drank girly-umbrella drinks at a pub and Therapist streaked like Frank the Tank at a church function. Surely this is not the type of attention that Division 2 is seeking.
Investigations are ongoing and it is not clear whether there is any legal precedent in which to mandate testing by the teams named. All other clubs in Division 2 are absolved of guilt as, clearly, they are all a bunch of complete alcoholics and/or potheads.