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Div 2 Div 2 Championship Training Secrets

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Therapist

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Dapotayto was right about the JB's practices. Someone invites out all these shite players which brings down the quality of the scrimmage. Plus someone new on the team this year was suggesting that he's gonna bring out a whistle and make us do running drills for the whole practice. Running??? Wtf? That's what us old guys save for the scrimmage.
And who has time for stretching anymore? I'd pull something just trying to stretch.
 

the manager

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train in the rain

...only, and I mean only if it's indoors....:p

exceptions canbe made if you have turf to play on and lights to play under....I don;t much like the all-weather fields
 

Vinnie

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Rainy Training

I think it all dependent on the players nationality

Canadian - "It's raining eh....off to the ice rink and dry ice training eh!!"

Italian - "I go play succerrr, I getta wet, I ave a shouwerr, I putta ona new wife beater and greesem up my hair, isa good"

South American - " Eh manya, are you crasey. If dere is no chade then dere is no sun and I don't play. If I get wet then I have to have a chower"

Scottish - "A great day for Futbol!! The weather is great, the pitch is great, everything is f**ken great!!!"


To train in the rain
is so vain
So off with the gear
To the Pubfor some beer:D

Vinnie
 

the manager

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no dooot abooot it...eh!!

you forgot the croatians:

vat you meen iz raining outzide....ve are Croatian...ve play rain, shine, all da time....ve hev to prectize to beat England...
 

Yomama!

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As a defender, I love the rain because my slide tackles last approximately 30 feet.

I'm like David Spade on a slip n' slide except with water. :D
 

bonefish

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Therapist is gonna get it.....

Plus someone new on the team this year was suggesting that he's gonna bring out a whistle and make us do running drills for the whole practice. Running??? Wtf?

..Ah, a newbie after my own heart...he must of read my mind. Don't forget your running shoes for practice Therapist. You are going to need them. I will apologize to you and your aching back now, as you will be in no condition to speak or hear over the noise of your heart pumping blood through your ears and that deep wheeze that starts in the bellows of the lungs and is catapulted out with a hacking cough. I will be sure to bring the first aid kit complete with I.V and tools necessary to intibate should your throat seize up. Oh yeah I will make sure I have with me that big ass, PulpFiction-esque needle full of adrenaline too in the event your ticker takes a timeout during the wind sprints.

-NoBonesAboutIt...TherapistIsGonnaHurtThurs-
 

fingers

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yessss...
well, you guys all have the luxury of not being on the last placed team in the league. i know this because i am. we've decided to skip training and put drugs in your water bottles. shhhhh... go to sleep.
 

Therapist

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You don't need to put any drugs in our water bottles, reason being is that it's still the same water from summer league. Some smart asses decided that since we didn't have cups one apres game, that we mix the Jim Beam and Cola in the water bottles.....................needless to say that the old water that sits in there and that we sip every week tastes like.......................well, there are no words that can describe it. Gangreen? (maybe) Old feet? Dapotayto's gynch? Micksters cup? (there is a pattern here, unfortunately)

BTW,
Our championship training consisted of 5 confused teams sharing a small gravel field tonight. Nothing like 14 guys scrimmaging in about the size of my living room. I know they wanted all us Norvan teams to be close, but fcuk me!
 

Yomama!

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NK Training Tip #112:

After a workout head down to the nearest pub and order yourself a nice greasy burger and fries. Wash it down with a pint of ale.

We did this last night after practice and I don't feel that guilty because the 500 plus calories I consumed were offset by the lap we ran around the field. Right?
 

Dapotayto

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Sometimes after a particularly brutal training session I will round up some of my fellow homeless brethren and head down to the Ivanhoe for a few pints of delicious twoonie beers. We have a couple of songs we sing while watching seventy year-old men scrap it out inside the bar. The first verse goes like this, "Let's all go to the Ivanhoe, the Ivanhoe, the Ivanhoe. Let's all go to the Ivanhoe and drink a cup of piss". I will usually end up purchasing a block of cheese or perhaps some artwork from one of the many legitimate businessman who frequent the establishment. I'm looking around the place and I'm thinking, oh ya I'm the fittest here, no need to go for a run tomorrow.
 

Keeper

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We did this last night after practice and I don't feel that guilty because the 500 plus calories I consumed were offset by the lap we ran around the field. Right?
Right.

1lb/calorie/lap.
 

fingers

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i can't even run my fingers thro8ugh my hair, much less my ass around a track. i'm so jiggly that there are parts of me that still haven't finished last practice...
and i'm on my way to my game.
ravens who?
 

Dapotayto

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I suppose no one wants to give away too many secrets but this thread still seems underused. Well, I may as well let the cat out of the bag. In an attempt to dramatically increase our overall athleticism the JBs have consulted with a former Scottish international and have come up with a, dare I say it, revolutionary new training regimen. This week instead of the traditional soccer practice routine we will undertake a diverse program of training referred to as the Drunken Olympics. After the opening ceremonies in which Mickster performs a song and dance routine about not drinking too much in order to stay in the wife's good books he will proceed to kill twenty-four beer in less than half an hour immediately setting a new Drunken Olympic record. The first real event to take place will be Coffee Table Stair Surfing in which a coffee table will be placed upside down at the top of a staircase on which participants must stay upright as long as possible while surfing down said stairs. The door at the bottom of the stairwell will be closed in order to stop the surfers from sliding into the next room and spilling any spectators drinks which is considered alcohol abuse and a foul. I myself am the favourite to win this event as I am the only one with surfer hair. Dwarf Tossing is the next event and sorry Creedence but it looks like I am one pound heavier than you so you will have to play the part of the dwarf. Therapist is favored to win the Pished TTP Posting event and it's pretty obvious why innit? Bonefish is a heavy, heavy (and I mean heavy ) favorite to take the Pizza Gorging event. Several contestants are in the running for Largest Beer Tab with Steve P. odds on to triple his current tab of twenty-seven beers owed. The judge for this contest will be Mark P. who will be sitting nervously on the beer cooler with beer tab in hand marking down the money-owed by each team member. The distractions will be numerous as people attempt to obtain beers unnoticed and thus free. I think we may also be doing a hockey pool.
 

Putter

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The distractions will be numerous as people attempt to obtain beers unnoticed and thus free.

Knowing the JB's, I'd better bring a couple of armed guards along. Someone needs to protect the cooler while I participate in the Creedence... er... I mean, the Dwarf toss!
This could get ugly.
 

bonefish

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Putter the Cripple

Did you ever start to wonder if your dwindling beer fund is inversely linked to the number of days that we go without our new kit...Hmmmmm

-HitEmHighHitEmHigh...HitEmLowHitEmLow...-
 

Therapist

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Drunken Olympics

What about the ever so popular "beer can crushing contest?"
Still to this day have I ever seen such an effective and devastating technique as Mickster's. It consists of drinking those 24 beer (breaking the first record), then while packing the flat of empties out to the car, passes out in mid stride and crushes all 24 with that 45 gallon barrel shaped chest, thus breaking another record.
 

the manager

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orriginally posted by therapist
then while packing the flat of empties out to the car, passes out in mid stride and crushes all 24 with that 45 gallon barrel shaped chest, thus breaking another record.

one question....maybe two. does he pass out while he heaves the empties onto the trunk of the car? if so, does he crush the trunk as well?:D
 
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