DCS record books.
Well, here it is DCSers, the moment you’ve all been waiting for the stats, facts and a few historical dates of the past year and half on tour. Please note all scoresand records are from what has been posted only. So if you kicked someone's ass 347 times and never posted, it won’t be here. I’ll just start off with a few interesting tid-bits, for some of you who don’t know the whole history of the DCS.
The first match to be played then posted about. Stephen “The Executioner” Burns played his first match vs. Vince “Mr X” Naihdu (later know as The Total Package) and soundly lumped him 5 games to one on January 3 2002 The post..
The Executioner 7-3
Sidewinder 5-4
Double In 3-5
Total Package 2-5
Hurricane 2-2
Something to note from that evening… the current and self-appointed #1, Stephen ‘The Executioner Burns' was beaten by a first time player. Sound familiar Walks? I told you it was a tradition.
Now, when you see some of these streaks please remember I had to give the benefit of the doubt to the score holder. We’ve only ever post our records not who we beat and in what order, so if you went 3-0 one night then 4-1 the next I gave you 7 wins in a row. The same went for loses. (Nice segway eh?) Saying that, I guess we should clear up some major outstanding business first... there has been claim laid to the longest winning streak in DCS history by two individuals, I won’t name any names, but the Captain Full-of-Crap has said he won 32 straight, he is err.. full of crap. His streak all be-it still an impressive one, ended at 16. Close, but only half of what you said.
It’s all about the stats. All about the stats…
Here are a few dates and streaks I thought I would jot down for shits and giggles…
- Longest Winning streak 27. Double In.
- Longest losing streak 19 Brave Dart.
- 1-30-2002 The DCS as we know it begins.
- 3-21-02 The Ass Dance is created.
- 3-21-02 Hurricane retires from the DCS Reason: see above.
- 5-2-02 The Executioner retires. The darting community mourns.
- 2-24-2002 The Scud Brothers join the DCS. (The Power and One Dart) The darting community mourns again.
First the Honorable mention club, for those players having less than 80 games experience in the DCS. Or the best of the worst if you will. (In no particular order.)
· Whirlwind –12-20. This numberly challenged individual had great promise until his unfortunate firing from his job forced him to squat at a buddies place in Maple Ridge. Bus Pass as we like to call him is as transportationly challenged, as he is illiterate. I’ll be fcuked if I was going to drive him home after having to do his Goddamn math all night.
· Buffalo Bull 10 -18 - The man that stopped the streak. Buffalo Bull a relatively new member of the DCS is currently enjoying his 15mins of fame and milking it for everything it’s worth too. As most do. Is he for real? We’ll soon find out.
· Prince of Man U 11-22 - An up and comer in the DCS, plays a mean game of arrows, but unfortunately for him as Man United goes so does the Prince. Gunners game day cause the Prince the most issues, especially when Double In is around. Perhaps if he wasn’t as bent a Beckham free kick he could get over his team being so shite, and concentrate on his dart game. He could be one of the greats. You heard it hear first.
· El Nino 16-33. – A true classic. His disappearance coincides with the disappearance of the Richmond’s greatest set of nuggets. The man wasn’t a very good dart player, but from a pure entertainment value he was one of the best. Please come back El. There real potatoes you know.
· Hurricane – 11-9. Quit before he ever really got going. Played at a lightning pace, unfortunately for him his temper was even quicker. Received his first and subsequent last ass dance March 21 2002 and quit 20mins later in a hail of insults and accusations. If you listen close enough you can still hear Yoko calling.
· Total Package – 8-18. – The DCS’ first punching bag. Only time this guy won is when he would drag his opponents over to the dark northern board at the Buck and muff dive them into a false sense of security. TP was part of 4 of the longest double one battles of all time. Taking Sidewinder to the outter most limits or more than one occasion. Watching a TP and Sidewinder match was like staying a watching a full Cricket test match. No beer.
· Tilly – 15-5.With blood lines to the Executioner, he was destined to be great, problem was he knew it. Abused his power and pull whenever he had the chance. He was the very definition of the word cnut. He was recently found dead and naked lying in a pool of his own piss and vomit in Motel 6 in Vegas. He was last seen alive parting with the Rhinestone Cowboy. Drugs where involved. No word on the Cowboy yet.
· Rhinestone Cowboy – 3-3 Last seen running around Vegas with the now deceased Tilly. Where abouts are unknown.
All time records (minimum 80 match club) Worst to best.
7. Brave Dart, probably the nicest, but most inconsistent dart chucker on tour, with a shoc-king record of 23-60 and a 27.7% winning percentage, he boasts such records of shame as the DCS’ 2nd and 3rd 0 thrown in a match, the worst defeat in DCS history an absolute cnut kicking of 349 points BTW. He also holds what is sure to be an unbreakable record of 19 consecutive loses spanning over a 4-week span I think they called it April. Why he comes out is anyone’s guess, it couldn’t possibly the company. I blame the parents.
6. The Power, named after the greatest dart player to ever step on the ochre is the worst of the 3 Scud brothers, but definitely the class of the twins. Only boasts one major DCS record worth mentioning and that was the 349-point total domination of Brave Dart. Yip- fcuking-E. My dead cat could kick the crap out of Bravedart. The power brings a good game of arrows each and every week although he lofts worse than a drunken bowler. Is there any other kind of bowler I ask? I dunno…Being the guy The Power is he probably only comes out to drive his lush brother to and from the pub. For that he is rewarded with the top bunk. If you're not on your toes playing him he can lull even the sharpest of competitors to sleep with his tales of his fat women, dog eating and shack sleeping adventures. He’s a sucker for stupid bets too, which is probably why the DCS tolerates such shoddy dart play. His all time record is 45-71 a 38.7% winning percentage. Thanks for fcuking coming out.
5. Sidewinder, is about a useful a dart player as a ladder is to Yow Ming. It’s amazing to me he's not the all time losingest player, but apparently sidewinder has lofted enough wounded salmon into enough doubles to hold the DCS’ #5 spot, but by the previous two records I could find a gimp, a set of lawn darts, give him a little practice and he could have this spot in week. What Sidewinder brings to the DCS is anyone’s guess, but he does have quarry of big and unnecessary words and he does serve as pure entertainment for The Captain. Who by the way has found more ways to beat and humiliate Sidewinder than one could imagine. To name a few... the Bulls Eye match, the left hand match, and my favorite the I’ll spot you 200 fcuking points match, Simply put, he’s Captains bitch. He’s never beaten the Captain, without some sort of controversy surrounding the game. I wonder if it’ll ever happen? It’s a bit like waiting for the Washington Generals to beat the Globetrotters. Sidewinder Holds a lifetime record of 276 unintentional treble 18’s, 86 wins and 123 loses. Good for a 41% winning percentage and an fcuk load of frustrated opponents. Sidewinder, voted most likely to stab himself with his own dart captivates the crowd with his unique throwing style which can only be described as a cross between someone being electrocuted and snake playing pick up sticks, he is one man Don Cherry will never tell young kids to be like.
4. Scud Missile, the oldest of the three brothers and one of the founding fathers of the DCS, this old French hat, has had his moments and at times can be considered a giant killer. With Scud it’s all about the competition and the quality of opponents that brings out the best and absolute worst in him. He is the DCS’ sergeant mother, brother, sister, second cousin twice removed on his fathers mothers side and his most important role, DCS referee. He has broken up more family punch up’s than I-Hop has pancakes. Makes a tre-men-dous cheese puff from all reports as well. The DCS is lost without Scud, and I’m sure when his darting days are done hell take a front office job somewhere, unionize it and become a total prick. He’ll be busted down to a token title in time and spend his days wondering back and forth from the lunch room to his office looking busy. Can’t give the French too much power after all. They’re a cnuts. He’ll no doubt have a torrid love affair with one his brother’s wives and end up the black sheep in a very dark family. Scuds lifetime record is 55-59 good for a 48% winning percentage. He could crack the 500 mark be the end of the season. Good luck Scud the DCS luv’s you. That’s l-u-v love not l-o-v-e love, that would be gay.
3. One Dart, Fcuk Dart, Crash Dart, One Putz, Hey you, whatever you want to call him was corrupted to the dark side of darts at very young age. OD boasts our first positive win / loss record which is shoc-king because were up the #3 for fcuk sakes. One Darts stormy career kicked off February 24 2002 and he’s been on the rocks ever since. If he's not on the rocks he’s drinking something that way. His passion for pints is unmatched from here to Palm Springs. Probably never to be invited to another family wedding again, One Dart brings a wealth of skills to the DCS, it’s just too bad they disappear faster than his pints. OD can huck’em with the best, and probably has the most success of any player versus the top two. That is, as long as you catch him early enough. It can be said that alcohol can corrupt the soul; well in OD’s case I believe it gives him one. One Dart has good form and a sharp eye for a man carrying so much junk in the trunk (if you know what I mean and I think you do) and has been known to throw consistent numbers each week. OD’s singles career stats will never get his jersey hung from the rafters, but as Cricket partner there is no better. He shares the longest winning streak, most #1's and 3 of the 4 biggest lump-ings in DCS history with his long time mate and all around fantastic guy, Double In. Double In couldn’t be with us today, because he in having major reconstructive back surgery, but I’ve been told he sends along his best wishes to OD. One Dart makes for a worthy opponent at any level, but should never give up his day job. One can only hope OD’s budding teaching career doesn’t end before it gets started, with Captain as a mentor it could go either way. OD’s not only a member of the Captain Shamrock posse of pussies he’s the president you know. One Darts Career singles stats read like this… shot down 367 times, slapped in the face 3649, out and out kick in the junk 287. At least he still has his darts. 97 wins 91 losses for a 51.59% winning percentage and 1 very sore Mickey Gilly.
2. Double In came to the DCS from the rough and tumble Father-In-Law circuit in Late January 2002, where he held an impressive record of 37740 – 0 record over his near sighted father in law. Spotted by the DCS founder Stephen “The Executioner” Burns he was invited out to the DCS for a trial run, only to receive the highest honor a rookie can, the seldom seen “win” over the current #1. He’s never looked back since. Double In is also partly responsible for the ultimate demise of Hurricane Mulgrew with his big mouth and ability to say the wrong this at the wrong time. (Mom was right after all.) Double In, better known to the darting world as the Daft Dutchman or Dutch Donkey, has seasons tickets to the #2 seed. He’s had long runs at number 1, but never seems to reach his ultimate goal of immortality. So few do though. Double In is the ultimate competitor, working harder and harder to silence his critics each and every week. His drive to succeed is only matched by his competitors’ jealousy and their will for him to fall flat on his arse. He’s a high scorer and quick finisher, on a good night, but seems to get rattled when the stakes are too high although this has never been proven. He’s also been known to have series of temper tantrums not seen since the likes of Bill Lambere and the Detroit Pistons of the early 80’s. This has been proven. This reporter thinks his opponents are just jealous, and are trying to throw him off his game. Double In boasts many DCS records, but none better than his 27 games without a loss, an absolute lambasting of the previous mark of 16. A record sure to stand the tests of time. Double In also holds another longest winning streak with his long time crutch… I mean partner One Dart at 13. This DCS all-stars record to date is 160 – 79 an impressive winning percentage of 66.9% He is 85 – 30 in his last 115. Good for 73%.
#1. The Executioner. What really need to be said about the man and the legend, The Executioner? The Originator and co-founder of the DCS, Executioner terrorized would be opponents with deadly accurate arrows, precise and quick finishes and barrage of car bomb threats. The tales of his darting exploits are still told to this day to small children in Belfast as bedtime stories. Irish Children all over get tucked in snug as a rag in a molitoff c0cktail as parents speak in length and in a passionate tones about doubles, trebles and the ass daces of X’s career. They speak of his 73674 straight wins over the evil foot fouler and how he try’s to cheat to get ahead. You see The Executioner, is the embodiment of Darting Super hero so, cheaters are his favorite victims. They tell stories of the first ever Double Bull finish, stories of how he brought 8 grown men to tears by the simple passing of his awesome gas. Kids would be so lucky to have him as role model today. The Executioner had an extremely successful career, before his all to soon retirement May 2 2002, leaving behind a Phe-nom-enal 103 – 21 record an 83% win rate. A record surely, never to be duplicated.
Well, here it is DCSers, the moment you’ve all been waiting for the stats, facts and a few historical dates of the past year and half on tour. Please note all scoresand records are from what has been posted only. So if you kicked someone's ass 347 times and never posted, it won’t be here. I’ll just start off with a few interesting tid-bits, for some of you who don’t know the whole history of the DCS.
The first match to be played then posted about. Stephen “The Executioner” Burns played his first match vs. Vince “Mr X” Naihdu (later know as The Total Package) and soundly lumped him 5 games to one on January 3 2002 The post..
The first official “quorum” was met, coincidently enough, my first night on the circuit. January 30 2002. The scores went down like this.
The Executioner 7-3
Sidewinder 5-4
Double In 3-5
Total Package 2-5
Hurricane 2-2
Something to note from that evening… the current and self-appointed #1, Stephen ‘The Executioner Burns' was beaten by a first time player. Sound familiar Walks? I told you it was a tradition.
Now, when you see some of these streaks please remember I had to give the benefit of the doubt to the score holder. We’ve only ever post our records not who we beat and in what order, so if you went 3-0 one night then 4-1 the next I gave you 7 wins in a row. The same went for loses. (Nice segway eh?) Saying that, I guess we should clear up some major outstanding business first... there has been claim laid to the longest winning streak in DCS history by two individuals, I won’t name any names, but the Captain Full-of-Crap has said he won 32 straight, he is err.. full of crap. His streak all be-it still an impressive one, ended at 16. Close, but only half of what you said.
It’s all about the stats. All about the stats…Here are a few dates and streaks I thought I would jot down for shits and giggles…
- Longest Winning streak 27. Double In.
- Longest losing streak 19 Brave Dart.
- 1-30-2002 The DCS as we know it begins.
- 3-21-02 The Ass Dance is created.
- 3-21-02 Hurricane retires from the DCS Reason: see above.
- 5-2-02 The Executioner retires. The darting community mourns.
- 2-24-2002 The Scud Brothers join the DCS. (The Power and One Dart) The darting community mourns again.
First the Honorable mention club, for those players having less than 80 games experience in the DCS. Or the best of the worst if you will. (In no particular order.)
· Whirlwind –12-20. This numberly challenged individual had great promise until his unfortunate firing from his job forced him to squat at a buddies place in Maple Ridge. Bus Pass as we like to call him is as transportationly challenged, as he is illiterate. I’ll be fcuked if I was going to drive him home after having to do his Goddamn math all night.
· Buffalo Bull 10 -18 - The man that stopped the streak. Buffalo Bull a relatively new member of the DCS is currently enjoying his 15mins of fame and milking it for everything it’s worth too. As most do. Is he for real? We’ll soon find out.
· Prince of Man U 11-22 - An up and comer in the DCS, plays a mean game of arrows, but unfortunately for him as Man United goes so does the Prince. Gunners game day cause the Prince the most issues, especially when Double In is around. Perhaps if he wasn’t as bent a Beckham free kick he could get over his team being so shite, and concentrate on his dart game. He could be one of the greats. You heard it hear first.
· El Nino 16-33. – A true classic. His disappearance coincides with the disappearance of the Richmond’s greatest set of nuggets. The man wasn’t a very good dart player, but from a pure entertainment value he was one of the best. Please come back El. There real potatoes you know.
· Hurricane – 11-9. Quit before he ever really got going. Played at a lightning pace, unfortunately for him his temper was even quicker. Received his first and subsequent last ass dance March 21 2002 and quit 20mins later in a hail of insults and accusations. If you listen close enough you can still hear Yoko calling.
· Total Package – 8-18. – The DCS’ first punching bag. Only time this guy won is when he would drag his opponents over to the dark northern board at the Buck and muff dive them into a false sense of security. TP was part of 4 of the longest double one battles of all time. Taking Sidewinder to the outter most limits or more than one occasion. Watching a TP and Sidewinder match was like staying a watching a full Cricket test match. No beer.
· Tilly – 15-5.With blood lines to the Executioner, he was destined to be great, problem was he knew it. Abused his power and pull whenever he had the chance. He was the very definition of the word cnut. He was recently found dead and naked lying in a pool of his own piss and vomit in Motel 6 in Vegas. He was last seen alive parting with the Rhinestone Cowboy. Drugs where involved. No word on the Cowboy yet.
· Rhinestone Cowboy – 3-3 Last seen running around Vegas with the now deceased Tilly. Where abouts are unknown.
All time records (minimum 80 match club) Worst to best.
7. Brave Dart, probably the nicest, but most inconsistent dart chucker on tour, with a shoc-king record of 23-60 and a 27.7% winning percentage, he boasts such records of shame as the DCS’ 2nd and 3rd 0 thrown in a match, the worst defeat in DCS history an absolute cnut kicking of 349 points BTW. He also holds what is sure to be an unbreakable record of 19 consecutive loses spanning over a 4-week span I think they called it April. Why he comes out is anyone’s guess, it couldn’t possibly the company. I blame the parents.
6. The Power, named after the greatest dart player to ever step on the ochre is the worst of the 3 Scud brothers, but definitely the class of the twins. Only boasts one major DCS record worth mentioning and that was the 349-point total domination of Brave Dart. Yip- fcuking-E. My dead cat could kick the crap out of Bravedart. The power brings a good game of arrows each and every week although he lofts worse than a drunken bowler. Is there any other kind of bowler I ask? I dunno…Being the guy The Power is he probably only comes out to drive his lush brother to and from the pub. For that he is rewarded with the top bunk. If you're not on your toes playing him he can lull even the sharpest of competitors to sleep with his tales of his fat women, dog eating and shack sleeping adventures. He’s a sucker for stupid bets too, which is probably why the DCS tolerates such shoddy dart play. His all time record is 45-71 a 38.7% winning percentage. Thanks for fcuking coming out.
5. Sidewinder, is about a useful a dart player as a ladder is to Yow Ming. It’s amazing to me he's not the all time losingest player, but apparently sidewinder has lofted enough wounded salmon into enough doubles to hold the DCS’ #5 spot, but by the previous two records I could find a gimp, a set of lawn darts, give him a little practice and he could have this spot in week. What Sidewinder brings to the DCS is anyone’s guess, but he does have quarry of big and unnecessary words and he does serve as pure entertainment for The Captain. Who by the way has found more ways to beat and humiliate Sidewinder than one could imagine. To name a few... the Bulls Eye match, the left hand match, and my favorite the I’ll spot you 200 fcuking points match, Simply put, he’s Captains bitch. He’s never beaten the Captain, without some sort of controversy surrounding the game. I wonder if it’ll ever happen? It’s a bit like waiting for the Washington Generals to beat the Globetrotters. Sidewinder Holds a lifetime record of 276 unintentional treble 18’s, 86 wins and 123 loses. Good for a 41% winning percentage and an fcuk load of frustrated opponents. Sidewinder, voted most likely to stab himself with his own dart captivates the crowd with his unique throwing style which can only be described as a cross between someone being electrocuted and snake playing pick up sticks, he is one man Don Cherry will never tell young kids to be like.
4. Scud Missile, the oldest of the three brothers and one of the founding fathers of the DCS, this old French hat, has had his moments and at times can be considered a giant killer. With Scud it’s all about the competition and the quality of opponents that brings out the best and absolute worst in him. He is the DCS’ sergeant mother, brother, sister, second cousin twice removed on his fathers mothers side and his most important role, DCS referee. He has broken up more family punch up’s than I-Hop has pancakes. Makes a tre-men-dous cheese puff from all reports as well. The DCS is lost without Scud, and I’m sure when his darting days are done hell take a front office job somewhere, unionize it and become a total prick. He’ll be busted down to a token title in time and spend his days wondering back and forth from the lunch room to his office looking busy. Can’t give the French too much power after all. They’re a cnuts. He’ll no doubt have a torrid love affair with one his brother’s wives and end up the black sheep in a very dark family. Scuds lifetime record is 55-59 good for a 48% winning percentage. He could crack the 500 mark be the end of the season. Good luck Scud the DCS luv’s you. That’s l-u-v love not l-o-v-e love, that would be gay.
3. One Dart, Fcuk Dart, Crash Dart, One Putz, Hey you, whatever you want to call him was corrupted to the dark side of darts at very young age. OD boasts our first positive win / loss record which is shoc-king because were up the #3 for fcuk sakes. One Darts stormy career kicked off February 24 2002 and he’s been on the rocks ever since. If he's not on the rocks he’s drinking something that way. His passion for pints is unmatched from here to Palm Springs. Probably never to be invited to another family wedding again, One Dart brings a wealth of skills to the DCS, it’s just too bad they disappear faster than his pints. OD can huck’em with the best, and probably has the most success of any player versus the top two. That is, as long as you catch him early enough. It can be said that alcohol can corrupt the soul; well in OD’s case I believe it gives him one. One Dart has good form and a sharp eye for a man carrying so much junk in the trunk (if you know what I mean and I think you do) and has been known to throw consistent numbers each week. OD’s singles career stats will never get his jersey hung from the rafters, but as Cricket partner there is no better. He shares the longest winning streak, most #1's and 3 of the 4 biggest lump-ings in DCS history with his long time mate and all around fantastic guy, Double In. Double In couldn’t be with us today, because he in having major reconstructive back surgery, but I’ve been told he sends along his best wishes to OD. One Dart makes for a worthy opponent at any level, but should never give up his day job. One can only hope OD’s budding teaching career doesn’t end before it gets started, with Captain as a mentor it could go either way. OD’s not only a member of the Captain Shamrock posse of pussies he’s the president you know. One Darts Career singles stats read like this… shot down 367 times, slapped in the face 3649, out and out kick in the junk 287. At least he still has his darts. 97 wins 91 losses for a 51.59% winning percentage and 1 very sore Mickey Gilly.
2. Double In came to the DCS from the rough and tumble Father-In-Law circuit in Late January 2002, where he held an impressive record of 37740 – 0 record over his near sighted father in law. Spotted by the DCS founder Stephen “The Executioner” Burns he was invited out to the DCS for a trial run, only to receive the highest honor a rookie can, the seldom seen “win” over the current #1. He’s never looked back since. Double In is also partly responsible for the ultimate demise of Hurricane Mulgrew with his big mouth and ability to say the wrong this at the wrong time. (Mom was right after all.) Double In, better known to the darting world as the Daft Dutchman or Dutch Donkey, has seasons tickets to the #2 seed. He’s had long runs at number 1, but never seems to reach his ultimate goal of immortality. So few do though. Double In is the ultimate competitor, working harder and harder to silence his critics each and every week. His drive to succeed is only matched by his competitors’ jealousy and their will for him to fall flat on his arse. He’s a high scorer and quick finisher, on a good night, but seems to get rattled when the stakes are too high although this has never been proven. He’s also been known to have series of temper tantrums not seen since the likes of Bill Lambere and the Detroit Pistons of the early 80’s. This has been proven. This reporter thinks his opponents are just jealous, and are trying to throw him off his game. Double In boasts many DCS records, but none better than his 27 games without a loss, an absolute lambasting of the previous mark of 16. A record sure to stand the tests of time. Double In also holds another longest winning streak with his long time crutch… I mean partner One Dart at 13. This DCS all-stars record to date is 160 – 79 an impressive winning percentage of 66.9% He is 85 – 30 in his last 115. Good for 73%.
#1. The Executioner. What really need to be said about the man and the legend, The Executioner? The Originator and co-founder of the DCS, Executioner terrorized would be opponents with deadly accurate arrows, precise and quick finishes and barrage of car bomb threats. The tales of his darting exploits are still told to this day to small children in Belfast as bedtime stories. Irish Children all over get tucked in snug as a rag in a molitoff c0cktail as parents speak in length and in a passionate tones about doubles, trebles and the ass daces of X’s career. They speak of his 73674 straight wins over the evil foot fouler and how he try’s to cheat to get ahead. You see The Executioner, is the embodiment of Darting Super hero so, cheaters are his favorite victims. They tell stories of the first ever Double Bull finish, stories of how he brought 8 grown men to tears by the simple passing of his awesome gas. Kids would be so lucky to have him as role model today. The Executioner had an extremely successful career, before his all to soon retirement May 2 2002, leaving behind a Phe-nom-enal 103 – 21 record an 83% win rate. A record surely, never to be duplicated.
