Thanks for your time and your input, guys. In hindsight, I definitely agree that I was too condescending about the game, and of course getting the facts wrong was more than a bit embarrassing. Hopefully I'll be able to clear it up.
Ow.
I'm actually the author of possibly the worst article you've ever read in your life, and I'm not just here to take my medicine. That article's actually gotten interest from a Canadian soccer magazine that wants to reprint it in edited form. Rich Gablehouse dropped me a comment explaining...